Today I'd like to offer some tips regarding a common issue in many admissions essays: lack of specificity. Consider, for example, the following comparison of two hypothetical introductory paragraphs for a master's program at the Harvard Business School.
Example One: I am honored to apply to Harvard Business School. As long as I can remember, I have always wanted to own my own business. Of all the professions, it always struck me as the most noble and the most important. In fact, by the time I was sixteen, I knew that owning a business was my calling in life.
Granted, from a line-by-line perspective, there is not much wrong with the grammar in the above example. However, it suffers from a problem which, for an admissions officer tasked with reading thousands of applications a year, could prove just as problematic as faulty grammar: lack of specificity.
Many great artists, writers, and philosophers have concluded that mining the particular is the most direct path to conveying the universal. So what does this mean in the context of writing an exceptional MBA admissions essay? Let’s consider a concrete example from back in the day when one of the founders of Admissions Ticket met with a Harvard Admissions Officer in person to assess how realistic his chances of acceptance were. He was surprised when, within the first five minutes of their conversation, the admissions officer said, “To be honest, the single most important component of the application package to a school like Harvard, and most other top Ivy League schools for that matter, is the personal essay.”
“So not having a 4.0 doesn’t spell instant disqualification?”
“Don’t get me wrong,” the admissions officer clarified. “Good grades and strong test scores are still crucial. But it’s the personal essay that enables us to make a decision, to see what type of person, what type of thinker, is the best fit for Harvard. In a sea of overqualified applicants, it’s the only thing that will make you truly stand out.”
In order to break through the fog admissions officers occasionally find themselves in while pouring over thousands of applications, we should use vivid language that shines a light on the concrete details of our story. Let’s take a look at the same example from above, only this time avoiding generalities and instead conveying specifics.
Example Two: When I was seventeen, my favorite neighbor Mr. Oates passed away one month before my high school graduation. Before he died, however, he left me something that would determine my path through life: his passionate example as a small business owner. He showed me the connection between business and community, that entrepreneurship can be a powerful force for change. Ever since Mr. Oates passed away, I have wanted to own my own business in our community.
In terms of word count, there isn’t much difference between these two examples. However, if these introductory paragraphs are any indication of the paragraphs that follow, it is safe to say that the writer of the first example might have a tough time standing out from the thousands of overqualified applicants reaching for the same limited number of spots at their school of choice. If, on the other hand, the writer of the second example continues to fulfill the promise of this first paragraph by communicating concrete details that allow her life and story to shine through, chances are that an admissions officer may be more willing to give this student a chance to fight for her dreams at the school of her choice.
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