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Almost test day: Please help rate my fascinating AWA essays

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Almost test day: Please help rate my fascinating AWA essays [#permalink] New post 29 Nov 2010, 17:11
Hi all,
I am a Manhattan GMAT student taking the test this upcoming weekend. I have been avoiding dealing with the AWA section, but now I've gotta get on top of my shiz. Here are two essays I wrote in the 30 minute time-frame. If any of you have any advice I'd really appreciate it(is my work terrible, ok, great?) Is there anything you would change about my arguments or style? Also, if you have time to just read one of the essays or one of the paragraphs, I'd be very thankful. Thanks a bunch. Also, sorry if they're not fascinating.


Despite the convenience of distance learning and online educational programs, they will never replace in-class instruction.”

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the position stated above. Support your viewpoint using reasons and examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.

As the prominence of web-based programs, such as Twitter and Facebook, increases and these technologies become a major form of social interaction, it is only natural that similar web based “distance learning and online education programs” will gain some popularity. However, despite the convenience and possible discounts of online educational programs, for various reasons they will never replace in-class instruction.

As a recent graduate from an in-class institution, I can attest to the fact that my learning experience was much more than a series of seminars. Although, I did get some value from large lecture hall settings with little peer interaction, the majority of my educational value came from interactions with groups of academically diverse peers. By working alongside a diverse student population, I was able to improve my communication and team work skills. If I had attended an online educational program, I would not have developed these traits, which are necessary in nearly any workplace.

Furthermore, a major aspect of any educational experience is networking. Countless entrepreneurs have used the classroom to meet business partners. Also, many graduates of in-class educational institutions later call upon their peers for important guidance and connections. In a distance learning program, students won’t be afforded these valuable benefits; opportunities for entrepeneurship and career advancement will be missed.

To conclude, despite the convenience and savings an online educational program could potentially offer, a lack of valuable interaction and networking opportunities will hinder the ability of “distance learning” techniques to replace in-class instruction.
The In-class style of education teaches students how to manage diversity and gives these students access to peers who are fundamental to the valuable networking process.



ESSAY 2

Analyze Argument

Company X's latest model of digital camera to be released next month, the TR12, is being promoted as the most portable, user-friendly digital camera available, and also an excellent bargain. It can be expected to live up to these claims, because Company X's previous model, the TR11, was universally lauded as setting the standard in these areas last year."



In the statement, the author expects the TR12 to be the most portable and user-friendly camera available and also a bargain. His claims are derived from the success of Company X’s previous product, the TR11, in these same categories. It is clear that the author of this statement has failed to fully cite logical evidence to back his conclusion.

The author’s argument relies on a number of unstated underlying assumptions. The first of which is that, in the year since the TR11 came out, a competing company has not released a new “standard setting” camera. Furthermore, if another company has recently launched a more portable camera, the author’s assertion, which uses the word “most” to describe the TR12’s portability would be incorrect.

Secondly, the author could improve his statement by mentioning how Company X has improved its TR12 model. If Company X hasn’t improved upon the TR11 to create the TR12, then the TR12 cannot be the most user friendly or portable option on the market. If this were the case, the TR12 would be equal to the TR11 in these categories.

To make the argument more logically sound, the author should also emphasize that Company X has not changed its strategy of manufacturing “standard setting” products. It is possible that in an attempt to create a more affordable product, Company X will not focus on the portability or user-friendly nature of the TR12.

In Conclusion, the author’s argument that the TR12 will further a trend of “standard setting” started by the TR12 is feasible. However, to determine whether the author is correct in these assumptions, one would need more information to fill various logical gaps.
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Re: Almost test day: Please help rate my fascinating AWA essays [#permalink] New post 29 Nov 2010, 19:51
Hey guys, I just had 2 of my essays graded online and received a 4 and a 4.25..I've been scoring really high on my overall GMAT score and really don't want my AWA ruining my chances of getting into biz school. Any help would be truly appreciated.
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Re: Almost test day: Please help rate my fascinating AWA essays [#permalink] New post 30 Nov 2010, 04:38
Hi!

Welcome

Read this thread how-to-get-6-0-awa-my-guide-64327.html this is best AWA guide ever.

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Follow me, if you find my explanations useful.

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Re: Almost test day: Please help rate my fascinating AWA essays [#permalink] New post 18 Dec 2010, 05:38
Feel free to mail me your AWA practice essays at anuj_kundarap@hotmail.c o m

I will rate them and provide comments about what you need to improve. Preferably send me .doc files only.

If you find this helpful, do give kudos freely! :)
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Re: Almost test day: Please help rate my fascinating AWA essays [#permalink] New post 21 Dec 2010, 07:15
anujkundarap wrote:
Feel free to mail me your AWA practice essays at anuj_kundarap@hotmail.c o m

I will rate them and provide comments about what you need to improve. Preferably send me .doc files only.

If you find this helpful, do give kudos freely! :)



I would encourage you to post your feed back here as well, it will be useful even for other members as well.
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Re: Almost test day: Please help rate my fascinating AWA essays [#permalink] New post 05 Feb 2011, 07:39
I would be really grateful it someone can rate my essay.

In the argument above, the author claims that Company X's latest model of digital camera TR12 is to be released next month. It is being promoted as the most portable , user-friendly digital camera available and also an excellent bargain. It can be expected to live up to these claims because the previous model of this company, TR11, was universally lauded as setting the standard in these areas last year. The argument seems to be flawed and unconvincing. The author has assumptions which are not backed up with enough evidences.

Firstly, the author assumes that since the company performed pretty well last year, it will do the same this year too. There are no evidences to prove this. It could be possible that the company's input costs has increased a lot this year. In that case, even though the specifications of the camera are set to its expectations, it might end up being very expensive and not an excellent bargain anymore. Cameras from its competitors might be a little lower with respect to the specifications but the price might be almost half.

Secondly, since the company performed pretty well last year and the competitors could not get up to the mark, competitors might tighten their belts this time. If that happens, the competitors might end up coming up with a model even better than TR12. This would completely go against what the author is arguing with. Also, it is possible that the specifications of the company might get leaked before getting into production phase and the competitors might take advantage of it.

Thirdly, the demography of the customers also needs to match the expectations. After a year, the demographics of the population might have changed drastically. This would result in mismatch between expectation and delivery. The expectation of younger customers might be totally different from the ones which older customers have. In cases where this becomes a mismatch, the argument gets nullified to a large extent.

In sum, the author misses to provide evidences to prove his point. It would have been better if the author would have provided information on the business plans of competitors, the demographics of the customers and other factors making the product a success.


vtownyo wrote:
Hi all,
I am a Manhattan GMAT student taking the test this upcoming weekend. I have been avoiding dealing with the AWA section, but now I've gotta get on top of my shiz. Here are two essays I wrote in the 30 minute time-frame. If any of you have any advice I'd really appreciate it(is my work terrible, ok, great?) Is there anything you would change about my arguments or style? Also, if you have time to just read one of the essays or one of the paragraphs, I'd be very thankful. Thanks a bunch. Also, sorry if they're not fascinating.


Despite the convenience of distance learning and online educational programs, they will never replace in-class instruction.”

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the position stated above. Support your viewpoint using reasons and examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.

As the prominence of web-based programs, such as Twitter and Facebook, increases and these technologies become a major form of social interaction, it is only natural that similar web based “distance learning and online education programs” will gain some popularity. However, despite the convenience and possible discounts of online educational programs, for various reasons they will never replace in-class instruction.

As a recent graduate from an in-class institution, I can attest to the fact that my learning experience was much more than a series of seminars. Although, I did get some value from large lecture hall settings with little peer interaction, the majority of my educational value came from interactions with groups of academically diverse peers. By working alongside a diverse student population, I was able to improve my communication and team work skills. If I had attended an online educational program, I would not have developed these traits, which are necessary in nearly any workplace.

Furthermore, a major aspect of any educational experience is networking. Countless entrepreneurs have used the classroom to meet business partners. Also, many graduates of in-class educational institutions later call upon their peers for important guidance and connections. In a distance learning program, students won’t be afforded these valuable benefits; opportunities for entrepeneurship and career advancement will be missed.

To conclude, despite the convenience and savings an online educational program could potentially offer, a lack of valuable interaction and networking opportunities will hinder the ability of “distance learning” techniques to replace in-class instruction.
The In-class style of education teaches students how to manage diversity and gives these students access to peers who are fundamental to the valuable networking process.



ESSAY 2

Analyze Argument

Company X's latest model of digital camera to be released next month, the TR12, is being promoted as the most portable, user-friendly digital camera available, and also an excellent bargain. It can be expected to live up to these claims, because Company X's previous model, the TR11, was universally lauded as setting the standard in these areas last year."



In the statement, the author expects the TR12 to be the most portable and user-friendly camera available and also a bargain. His claims are derived from the success of Company X’s previous product, the TR11, in these same categories. It is clear that the author of this statement has failed to fully cite logical evidence to back his conclusion.

The author’s argument relies on a number of unstated underlying assumptions. The first of which is that, in the year since the TR11 came out, a competing company has not released a new “standard setting” camera. Furthermore, if another company has recently launched a more portable camera, the author’s assertion, which uses the word “most” to describe the TR12’s portability would be incorrect.

Secondly, the author could improve his statement by mentioning how Company X has improved its TR12 model. If Company X hasn’t improved upon the TR11 to create the TR12, then the TR12 cannot be the most user friendly or portable option on the market. If this were the case, the TR12 would be equal to the TR11 in these categories.

To make the argument more logically sound, the author should also emphasize that Company X has not changed its strategy of manufacturing “standard setting” products. It is possible that in an attempt to create a more affordable product, Company X will not focus on the portability or user-friendly nature of the TR12.

In Conclusion, the author’s argument that the TR12 will further a trend of “standard setting” started by the TR12 is feasible. However, to determine whether the author is correct in these assumptions, one would need more information to fill various logical gaps.
Re: Almost test day: Please help rate my fascinating AWA essays   [#permalink] 05 Feb 2011, 07:39
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