Americans spend far too much of their time- Review Please : Analytical Writing Assessment (AWA)
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# Americans spend far too much of their time- Review Please

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Joined: 02 Mar 2012
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10 May 2012, 23:34
This is my second attempt at GMAT, I got a 4.0 in AWA section the first time . Please review my essay below, Thanks in Advance

Question:
"Americans spend far too much of their time buying and consuming non-essential goods. Studies show that, on average Americans spend over a quarter of their leisure time shopping. As such, it is no secret why America is losing its competitive edge relative to other countries. Instead of spending their time productively, Americans are wasting time through frivolous consumption. In order to counteract this trend, Americans should spend more time focused on personal and communal development--by, for example, pursuing educational advancement or participating in volunteer opportunities."

Discuss how logically persuasive you find the above argument. In presenting your point of view, analyze the sort of reasoning used and supporting evidence. In addition, state what further evidence, if any, would make the argument more sound and convincing or would make you better able to evaluate its conclusion.

The argument above states that America is losing its competitive edge to other countries because certain studies show that on average Americans spend one fourth of their leisure time shopping. The argument is flawed because of the following reasons.

First of all, the author fails to define non-essential goods; different people view various goods in a different way, what one may consider to be essential might be considered non-essential by another. Moreover, the author has not included any data that shows the breakdown of the time spent on shopping by American into shopping for essential goods and non-essential goods, for example: time spent on grocery shopping versus time spent on buying shoes(considered non essential).

Secondly, the author seems to have assumed that the Americans spend more time shopping than does citizens of other countries; data on time management trends of other countries is needed to draw appropriate comparisons.

Lastly, the author has not presented any empirical data that suggests that USA is actually losing its competitive edge to other countries. In addition, no other possible reasons are examined for the supposed downfall of United States, such as government incompetency, unfavorable economic environment and depletion of natural resources, and time wastage is the only reason believed to hold true.

In Sum, this is a week argument. To strengthen the conclusion that America is losing its competitive edge because of time being wasted on shopping, the author should include the following. Define non-essential goods, provide information on breakdown of time spent on shopping for essential and non-essential goods, provide comparative data of time management trends of the citizens of other countries and provide empirical data to prove that USA is losing its competitive edge.

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23 May 2012, 08:27
hi dhruv,

first of all, i let you know that i am not a connoisseur( expert in judgement) in reviewing and rating the essay.
but still, i find lots of fallacies(errors)

mainly there are copious (abundant) typos,

1)week for weak
2) see usa is not losing competitive edge to other countries.
---actually it is losing comp.edge in comparison to other countries
3) u have not mentioned anything about last point of the argument -- in order to counteract the trend, spending time on personal & communal development.

4) try to spend more time in analyzing the argument, read 2,3 times- then organize,plan & start writing the essay.
5) try to increase the content.

u can achieve a score of 4-4.5 out of 6.

hey guys, as usual any critiques or plaudits are welcome.
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Re: Americans spend far too much of their time- Review Please [#permalink]

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16 May 2016, 03:52
Kindly review my essay as well.

The author's argument that Americans should spend their time more on personal and communal development rather than on shopping to get its competitive edge relative to other countries omits some important concern that must be addressed to substantiate the argument because author's claim that spending more than quarter of leisure time on shopping is not productive certainly does not provide support or proof of the main argument.

Most conspicuously, the author states that Americans spend a quarter of their leisure time on shopping and consumption of non-essential goods. Spending leisure time in shopping does not harm an individual's development. Leisure time should be spent the way individual feel like to get relax so that one can give his 100 percent in his work. If an individual is spending its work or education time in frivolous consumption, that can be considered as wasting of quality time and reducing their productivity.

Furthermore, going for shopping might give individual new ideas about the availability or need that one can later convert into a productive proposition. In the past, there are various such examples of Americans coming up with the innovative ideas. Education is important for advancement but going out in the market and finding out the latest trends is also equally important for coming up with creative proposals.

Lastly, America might be losing its competitive edge over other countries because of various other reasons and not only because people are spending more time in shopping and frivolous consumption. Author has not ruled out other possibilities and so comes out as a weak argument.

In sum, the author's conclusion is a hasty generalization based on the unsupported premise and unsubstantiated assumptions. If the author truly hopes to change readers' minds and convince them to spend their time productively on education and volunteer activities, he would have to address issues such as ruling out other factors that might lead to lose a competitive edge, percentage of time spent on wasteful activities and its impact on overall individual's development.
Re: Americans spend far too much of their time- Review Please   [#permalink] 16 May 2016, 03:52
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