I'm certainly not an official grader, but I would give this essay a 3.
Your overall structure and reasoning are good. You follow a standard format and your criticisms of the argument are sensible. However, I want to highlight a few things for you to work on.
*Proofread your essay! There are some repeated words, some omitted words, and lots of capitalization problems. Unless you are saying the name of the company (Apogee Company), nothing here should be capitalized other than the first letter of each sentence. Here's one example:
First, the author mentioned that the Company's profit was more when when it is operated in a single location. (Uncapitalize "Company's," get rid of the extra "when," and change "is operated" to "was operated.")
*Write more. This essay seems a little minimal. Take a look at the higher-scoring essays in the OG. They don't make many more points than you do, but they're a bit more thorough in exploring each point. Ideally, you want 3 body paragraphs, not 2. You can get away with 2, but they need to be much more substantial than these.
*Use critical reasoning language. That's what they want from you! Say things like "If the market for the company's products is lower than it was when the company operated out of one office, then the company's overall profits may be lower even after the consolidation. Therefore, the conclusion that the field offices should be closed does not necessarily follow from the given premises."
* Make one point per paragraph. Don't mix points, as you do in your first body paragraph. In this case, I would drop the part about proportions and statistics, because it isn't clear what logical error you're pointing out.
*Write a clear conclusion. You don't want your last paragraph to be an assortment of ideas. Make it obvious that you are recapping your points, and drive the main point home again. (Your main point is always the same: the argument is flawed, and needs a few additions in order to be well-reasoned.)
I hope this helps!
Dmitry Farber | Manhattan GMAT Instructor | New York
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