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Analysis of issue

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Analysis of issue [#permalink] New post 13 Jan 2011, 09:10
Please rate my essay :)


AWA ESSAYS: Analyze Issues
ESSAY QUESTION:
"Since key personal traits that make a good leader are formed during one’s childhood and youth, formal training can only refine rather than cultivate true leaders.”

Explain what you think this quotation means and discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with it. Develop your position with reasons and/or specific examples drawn from history, current events, or your own experience, observations, or reading.

YOUR RESPONSE:
I agree with the author's statement that the personal traits that make a good leader are formed during one's childhood and youth,and that that formal training can only refine rather than cultivate true leaders.In next few lines I will try to put some points in the same direction.
They say "child is like a molten metal".It will take whichever shape you put it into.It is really true said.The minds of children are very sensitive.Whatever the elders tell them they blindly believe them.It is very important to give good morals to children in order that they become a good citizen and only a good citizen can understand the needs of other citizens and one day become a good leader.If some child is taught to steal something from the other person,he will posses this habit throughout the whole life and such child won't make a good leader no matter how much training you give him.If you see history of America's presidents till date, you will find hardly someone had taken training prior to become a President of World's biggest nation.
Along with childhood,how the youth behaves also matters a lot.Young persons are very energetic and this age is such that if they decide to do something they won't get relief unless that thing is done.At such point of time, it is very necessary that they choose a right path.Mr.Mahatma Gandhi never took any training on leadership.But still he was the best leader of his time and influenced influenced thousands of people when he was young.Those were his inherent qualities that played a crucial role.
Finally, it is true that training does play a part in whole this process.But as the author has said it can only refine the leaders.Leaders are not created via any training.Training just helps in making good leaders.It will motivate you.It will teach you how you should appear in front of public.At the most it will give you some tips on how to convince people.But then if somebody is not willing to do this ,all this will be futile.The training cannot generate leadership qualities in you.You have to have leadership qualities in you.Training will help to rejuvenate these qualities.
In sum, I would like to assert that how somebody is raised and how he/she is guided when he/she was a youth play a crucial part in making good leaders.Training can just refine and rejuvenate your leadership qualities.
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Re: Analysis of issue [#permalink] New post 13 Jan 2011, 14:05
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You do, by the last few paragraphs, focus on the correct issue: Training can't make a leader, but rather personality traits earned in childhood are necessary. However, the first two paragraphs take a while getting around to this topic. Let's start with the introduction. It's not enough simply to repeat the prompt, verbatim, and then write a sentence such as "I will try to show why." At the very least, try putting the argument into your own words; ideally, also include some hint as to the upcoming essay's organization. For example, here you could have written "Looking at some of the most famous leaders of the 20th century, it's clear that their character, and not any formal training, made them great." This leads into your essay's body well.

Your first body paragraph then digresses a little before it gets back to the main issue. Be very wary of proving other points besides the main idea of this essay! It's not important that "It is very important to give good morals to children in order that they become a good citizen" -- I do understand how you connect this to your main topic in the rest of the quoted sentence, but these kinds of statements can really hurt your score because they make it appear to the graders that you aren't fully focused on the topic. On the Issue Essay, the primary thing the graders are looking for is whether or not you stay on topic.

You do a very good job of settling down into some specific examples and using them to argue your point, and the end of the essay is strong. However, the weak beginning and weak first paragraph detract from the overall score.
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Joined: 29 Dec 2010
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Re: Analysis of issue [#permalink] New post 13 Jan 2011, 21:57
Thanks Adam for your feedback.
Actually I am a non-native speaker and really have poor writing skills.
I have exam in 10 days and I have just started preparing for essays.
I am doing quiet ok in arguments But very bad in issues.
I have downloaded the document from mba site containing issue topics.
I read somewhere on the forum that GMAT gives topics only from this document.
Should I go through all the topics and think what will I write on each of these OR doing so will be a waste of time.
Please reply
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Re: Analysis of issue [#permalink] New post 13 Jan 2011, 23:56
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It is true that the GMAT will select topics only from its published list of topics. However, going through all of them (there are something like 180 topics, I think) is an incredible time expenditure that would be better spent on other issues.

The things that matter the least to your AWA score are perfect grammar/spelling and how good your examples are. Yes, you need clear, specific examples in your essay, but whether they are "good" in terms of being actually convincing examples, the graders don't care. The keys are organization, staying on-topic, and expressing your points clearly and logically. So, I would not recommend going through all of the Issue Essay topics and preparing for them. However, it might be worth it to pick a couple that are particularly hard for you and practice with those.

The rest of the GMAT is obviously far more important than the AWA, and therefore deserving of your attention in these final 10 days. If you practice a stronger formula for your introduction and first body paragraph, you will easily score at least a 4/6 on the AWA, and frankly, that's good enough as they are not the most important part of the test by any means.

Good luck!
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Re: Analysis of issue   [#permalink] 13 Jan 2011, 23:56
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