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AWA Essays - Can we write,review and discuss essays ?

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AWA Essays - Can we write,review and discuss essays ? [#permalink] New post 13 Aug 2009, 09:41
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I am a non-native speaker and weak in writing essays. Though I am proficient in talking, I find it difficult to put my thoughts and words in writing. Hence, I am planning to write two essays every day, one argument and one issue, to improve my grammar, spelling, writing style and speed. I am also planning to use GMAC’s essay rating service, after enough preparation because I do not want to waste money on a poorly written essay.

Can we post our essays in this forum; review other member’s essays and get our essays reviewed? This will not only improve our writing skills but also present different point of views and style of writing. If we can compile good essays, that will be helpful to many aspirants.
To start with, I am posting an argument essay that I wrote this morning. I followed the template in GmatClub’s AWA guide.

-Thanks!








===========================================================================

The following appeared in a memorandum from the business department of the Apogee Company:
“When the Apogee Company had all its operations in one location, it was more profitable than it is today. Therefore, the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its operations from a single location. Such centralization would improve profitability by cutting costs and helping the company maintain better supervision of all employees.”



The argument states that the Apogee company had more profit when it operated from one location; hence, it should close down its field offices and centralize all its operations to improve profitability and supervise all employees. Stated this way, the argument fails to consider many key factors, based on which it could be evaluated. The conclusion is based on assumptions that have no clear evidence. Therefore, the argument is rather weak, unconvincing and has flaws.


First, the argument states that the Apogee company had more profit when it operated from one location. Although this statement sounds persuasive, operating from one location cannot be the only factor for a company's profits. Many factors influence company's profit such as management decisions, marketing strategies, quality control, sales and profit margin. Failing to consider the above-mentioned factors, while comparing profits before and after operating the company from different locations, makes the argument weak.


Second, the argument concludes to close the operating field offices to cut costs and improve profits. However, the argument fails to weigh the benefits of having a local presence of the company versus operation cost. Operation costs need not necessarily come down by shutting down a field office because travelling and other expenses might add up to the operation cost. If all the employees were asked to relocate to the main office then the company should provide relocation package, else if the employees were to be laid-off, the company would have to provide severance package, all adding to company's expense. Failing to weigh the benefits of local presence and estimate other expenses involved in travelling and re-location or severance, the conclusion lacks evidence.


In addition, the argument says that the company can supervise all employees when they are at one location. This assumption is flawed because effective people management does not require mere physical presence. To improve productivity, and eventually profit, employees need adequate skills, on job training and good work environment. To the company, the value addition of an employee matters more than physical presence of an employee.


In summary, the argument is flawed and therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts. In order to assess the merits of a certain situation, it is essential to have full knowledge of all contributing factors.
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Re: AWA Essays - Can we write,review and discuss essays ? [#permalink] New post 13 Aug 2009, 10:00
Expert's post
Good idea! Kudos!

I have been considering starting the AWA subforum for a little while - let's give it a shot and see how it goes.
We can always move posts back to the verbal forum if there is no traction.

Kudos to you for the initiative.
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Re: AWA Essays - Can we write,review and discuss essays ? [#permalink] New post 15 Aug 2009, 04:58
In some countries, television and radio programs are carefully censored for offensive language behavior. In other countries, there is little or no censorship.” In your view, to what extent should government or any other group be able to censor television or radio programs? Explain, giving relevant reasons and/or examples to support your position.

================================= ISSUE =====================================================



While it is true that some countries have relaxed censorship while other countries have stricter censorship, a closer examination of this issue reveals that government should carefully censor radio and television programs.

One of the reasons for different countries to have different level of censorship is the social and cultural differences among countries. A content considered as appropriate in one culture could be inappropriate in other culture. For example, a man kissing a woman is nothing more than usual in some culture; whereas, it is considered offensive in other culture. Based on the country where the content is broadcasted censorship will vary. Therefore, it is not common sensicle to argue that when one governemt is relaxed in censorship every other government should be relaxed.

Second, television and radio are the most influential entertainment media. When you turn television or radio on you turn your minds off, and tend to absorb the content that is being broadcasted.Especially , this is very true with kids.As you sow, so you reap. Seed good thoughts and interests in children , to reap a better society tomorrow. To acheive that, government should regulate the content of television or radio programs.No parent would want his or her kid to watch offensive scene, violence and gruesome content. Pregnant women , heart patients and elderly people are vulnerable to disturbing content and hence it is necessary to censor and rate the content.

Though it is absolute necessary to censor the programs, the level of censorship needs to be varied, as television and radio reach people in all walks of life and programs are made to entertain all audience. Programs that are rated for general audience and parental guidance need stricter censorship ; whereas, programs that are viewed by matured adult audience can have lineant censorship. In addition, prime-time and family shows need more scrutiny for adult language, sexual content and violence.

In summary, government should censor television and radio programs in the best interests of the society.The level of censorship must depend on the targetted audience of a program in order to preserve cultural and moral values.
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Re: AWA Essays - Can we write,review and discuss essays ? [#permalink] New post 05 Oct 2009, 10:49
good idea. I will post mine too.
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Re: AWA Essays - Can we write,review and discuss essays ? [#permalink] New post 05 Oct 2009, 10:50
I followed chineseburned AWA template as well.

Argument : Over 75% of households in Parksboro have Jacuzzi bathtubs. In addition the average family income in Parksboro is 50% higher than the national average, and a local stores report record-high sales of the most costly brands of hair and body care products. With so much being spent on personal care, Parksboro will be a profitable location for a new Luxe Spa-a salon that offers premium services at prices that are above average.

Essay:
The argument claims that Parksboro will be a profitable location for a new Luxe Spa salon because in Parksboro the average family income is 50% higher than the national average and because a local stores report record-high sales of costly hair and body care products. Stated in this way, the argument fails to mentions the several key factors, on the basis of which it could be evaluated. The argument relies on assumption for which there is no clear evidence. Therefore, the argument is rather weak, unconvincing, and has several flaws.

First, the argument readily assumes that over 75% of households in Parksboro have Jacuzzi because the people of these households are into personal care. This statement is a stretch and not substantiated in any way. The author makes an assumption that households wanted or built this Jacuzzi facility. There are numerous examples of cookie cutter subdivisions or neighborhoods where most of the houses come with Jacuzzi or other such facilities. This does not necessarily explains anything about households preference. The argument would have been much more clearer if it explicitly stated an example where people build Jacuzzi system for personal care.

Second, the argument claims that costly hair and body products from local stores are purchased by only people from Parksboro area. This is again very weak and unsupported claim as the argument does not demonstrated any correlation between the sales of the products and the customers who are purchasing these products. The author fails to clarify whether these local stores are part of the big shopping center or outlet mall which attracts people from nearby area or counties and whether the nearby areas have shortage of such stores. If any such correlation had been shown then the author would have sounded bit more convincing. Furthermore, the argument does not provide any facts about the time period of the record-high sales. If the argument provided evidence that the record high-sales has been consistent for some time and that most of customers are from Parksboro area, the argument could have been strengthed even further.

Finally, the argument claims that just because people are spending so much on personal care, the new Luxe spa will be successful. From this statement again, it is not at all clear that people are looking for new Luxe spa at above average prices. Perhaps, people in Parksboro area find the existing Spas too costly and therefore buying their own hair and body products to pamper themselves at home with low cost, hence, increasing the sales of local stores. The argument also assumes that such spas dont already exist in the Parksboro area and that the existing spas are doing very well. There could be an an overflow of Luxe spas in Parksboro area. The argument could have been strengthened if author explicitly mentioned examples of how there is a shortage of such spas and how people are willing to spend more money for premium services. Without supporting evidence and examples from other Luxe spas who are successful in their business and have long waiting list for new customers, one is left with the impression that te claim is more of a wishful thinking rather than substantive evidence. As a result, this conclusion has no legs to stand on.

In summary, the argument is flawed and therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts. In order to assess the merits of a certain situation, it is essential to have full knowledge of all contributing factors.
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Re: AWA Essays - Can we write,review and discuss essays ? [#permalink] New post 05 Oct 2009, 10:52
Issue: The invention of the internet has created more problems than it has solved. Most people would have higher quality of life had the internet never been invented.

Essay:

Some people think that invention of the internet has created more problems and lowered their quality of life. While other people suppor the claim that internet is perhaps the best invention of the 19th century. I will show how internet has made our lives not only better but also easier.

One reason is that internet has made the communication faster and cheaper so that anyone can reach to anyone in the world within seconds. This brings people from different parts of the world much closer and makes them aware of what is going on in this world. For example, before internet invention, if Sri Lanka had been affected by Tsunami, no one would have known right away. Internet spread the news faster and made it easier for people around the world to gather funds and volunteers to help the country recover faster from that natural disaster. As a result, the world becomes a better place.

Second reason is that internet makes everyday life easier and better. For example, now a day, one can buy everything online with a click of a button. In addition, one can check reviews before purchasing any products or services. This online review system is a great advantage for consumers and for sellers. This creates a healthy competition in the market, resulting in a improved customer service and better quality of the products. With the help of the internet, one can also look up any businesses, shops, home, etc. One can also look up direction, book a vacation online, book a flight or train ticket and even buy food online.

Perhaps the best reason is that internet allows data sharing and knowledge transfer across the world. It helps people to share their knowledge and skills with one another. There are numerous colleges and universities across the world which provides the online education which can only be possible with the internet. This provides a great advantage for people who do not have means or money to attend the college. For instance, currently some countries in Africa do not have too many good medical colleges nor do they have enough doctors. Unfortunately the government of those countries cannot afford to send their people abroad to study nor can they afford doctors from abroad. However, UK government recently provided the online medical college which helps students to learn their five years of medical literature through online classes and then go abroad only for two years for residency. As a result, in near future some of the countries in Africa will have more doctors who will be able to provide health care for their people, resulting higher quality of life.

In summary, while there are arguments to be made for both sides, it is clear that there are greater advantages to the invention of the internet. Certainly the benefits that we are reaping from this invention outweigh its drawbacks. Hence, internet indeed has solved more problems and increased the quality of our lives.
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Re: AWA Essays - Can we write,review and discuss essays ? [#permalink] New post 05 Oct 2009, 10:56
Let me know. Any feedback is appreciated. This was my first try and English is not my first language.
Re: AWA Essays - Can we write,review and discuss essays ?   [#permalink] 05 Oct 2009, 10:56
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