Hello, I am doing the
magoosh 1 month study plan. I have timed myself for both essays under 30 mins.
I will appreciate any constructive critique on my paper.
//issue
"In order to become well-rounded individuals, all college students should be required to take courses in which they read poetry, novels, mythology, and other types of imaginative literature."
[ brain storm ]
What does it mean to be "well rounded" ?
Would peotry, novels, mythology make that individual "well rounded"?
the cost of money
there are far more important course, and
time is constraintful.
if fictional material are not essential for the student's major, then
he or she should not be mandated to take the course. The problem with equating fictional literacy to well rounded students is that it may not be the case. Another problem, the cost and time of additional course in a student's curriculum.
[ body para 1 ]
Students may not need imaginative literacy courses to be creative.
What a student needs are courses that can focus him or her on their career track. Students need classes to learn and be evaluated on essential functions that employeers seek for graduates; thus, the proper solution is not adding unnecessary courses, but revising the focused course or add related courses to help give the student both practical and creative mindset for his or her career. For instance, my engineering department has added several optional technical workshop courses to allow students to design and research to meet a project goal in a specific area.
[ body paragraph 2 ]
Imaginative literacture may not help a student be imaginative.
All students have different interests, and some may not even use their imagination for anything literacy based. Again the common engineering student, a technical student that enjoys the subject may use their imaginative focus on their career topic. There are plenty of geeks or nerds that thrives that play for fun with chemicals or build electronic circuits as a passion.
[body paragraph 3 ]
College courses cost a lot of money and time. Students may not have
the luxury to fit nonfictional courses into their schedule filled with mandatory classes. especially the engineer, technical students will have to take many technical focused courses that will consume their time. Mandatory fictional literacy would not only add more money to debt, but remove time for other more essential courses that employer seek.
[ conclusion ]
In conclusion, NonFictictional literacy should not be mandated to
a student's hectic schedule. Fictional literacy may not induce
or create the ideal well-roundness. Nonfictional courses are costly ; ultimately, they may not need fictional literacy to gain the traits desire to be well-rounded.
//argument
"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people ten to twenty-five years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
The following argument is flawed based on the following assumptions. First, the argument relies on a survey of unspecified players; second,
there is a claim that ten to twenty five is the age group likely to play whirlwind with no evidence. Finally, What is considered lifelike graphics ?
The problem with the survey is no idenfication or population of the game players that were surveyed. The population was never idenfied based on age, favorite genre of games, nor duration of time playing games. Perhaps, they only surveyed die hard hands of that particular game. Relating to the issue of no idenfication, the survey never list the features presented in the questionaire for the players ; thus, the survey is ambiguous.
The Arguement reports of directing advertisement of people within the range of ten to twenty-five with no colleration of how the group will increase sales. What should of been made to improve
the argument by listing the different types of players that were sample e.g : they have sampled 50 players within the age group of ten to twenty five, then another 50 players between the ages of 26 to 41.
The solution from the argument has no relation with the response.
Finally, the biggest complaint of the survey is that the response was
"lifelike" graphics. What is considered lifelike graphics? Some players maybe fine wih playing games that are not cartoonish; while others may want to play games with certain environment or character features such as facial expressions or physics in the game. The statement of lifelike graphics should be any level of graphic response from the interaction of the user.
In conclusion, the argument survey is unclear of the players surveyed and the response of "lifelike". The three flaws mention have weaken the argument of the essay.