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B-school application satire

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B-school application satire [#permalink] New post 27 Feb 2008, 22:40
For long have I desired to lampoon on our MBA applications. Please treat this as a confession wrapped in good natured humor and contribute your own thoughts on how folks magnify their achievements while applying.
I have presented my thoughts in the Question-Answer format below.
__________________________________________________


Its curious to think of the following typical essay questions, their "actual" answers and their "submitted" answers

1. Why do you want to do an MBA....?
Actual: I want more power, authority, and of course a ton of extra money
Submitted: Everything except the above, expressed in xxx words. The typical answers contain flavors of the following: "The country and the society is facing a terrible dearth of effective leaders. I alone can fill in that vacuum."

2. Describe a situation where you demonstrated leadership.
Actual: I led the project into a disaster.
Submitted: The company was about to be doomed had I not divinely intervened and extricated it.

3. Please mention some of your weaknesses.
Actual: Too many to fit in the stipulated word length.
Submitted: In the interest of team-work, I need to learn to suppress my immense intelligence in the presence of less-gifted co-workers (ok, this one is from Dilbert)

4. Why is xxx school best for you?
Actual: It's not. I have applied to other good schools as well.
Submitted: I m ******@@@@@#### (these characters are typically replaced with words skillfully gleaned from the B-school's website). This is exactly what xxx School is looking for in its students. Thus, I m the ideal match.

Note: I sometimes wonder how does an applicant justify his application to Yale and Chicago - schools that have quite different philosophies. The essays must be deftly altered to suit the requirements of the other school.

5. community service
Actual: I needed a valid reason to skip classes and hang out. Moreover, the opportunity of free food was very tempting.
Submitted: "Charity begins at home. For me, it began while I was still in womb. Altruism runs in my blood...."



A funny definition of marketing goes thus: "It is the ability to sell a refrigerator to an Eskimo, that too in winter". Considering this, our marketing training starts even before we start our B-school - in our essays.
_____________________________________

Hope I didnt sound too cynical.

And by the way, if you read till this point, you are either admitted to a B-school and dont know what to do with your time till August, or you are unable to concentrate in your work while hitting the refresh button every 5 minutes.
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Re: B-school application satire [#permalink] New post 27 Feb 2008, 23:23
Very nice. Be sure to check out Lepium's 7 stages - in a similar vein.

parsifal wrote:
And by the way, if you read till this point, you are either admitted to a B-school and dont know what to do with your time till August, or you are unable to concentrate in your work while hitting the refresh button every 5 minutes.



You forgot one other option: you are in b-school and "studying" for finals. I could be doing 1 of three things right now:

1. Sleeping

2. Actually studying

3. Sorta studying, but really procrastinating

I find that 2 is the most effective, while 1 means you've given up. 2 implies some hope and initiative remain, and is therefore superior to 1.
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Re: B-school application satire [#permalink] New post 28 Feb 2008, 05:26
aaudetat wrote:
Very nice. Be sure to check out Lepium's 7 stages - in a similar vein.

A quick search failed to yield the thread. If you have a link, can you please point me to it. I kinda enjoy most of the discussions on this forum.

aaudetat wrote:
You forgot one other option: you are in b-school and "studying" for finals. I could be doing 1 of three things right now:

1. Sleeping

2. Actually studying

3. Sorta studying, but really procrastinating

I find that 2 is the most effective, while 1 means you've given up. 2 implies some hope and initiative remain, and is therefore superior to 1.

Amateur's oversight ! :-D . Somehow I m harboring a strange idea that B-school schedule is unforgiving and doesnt afford such luxuries as browsing these forums.
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Re: B-school application satire [#permalink] New post 28 Feb 2008, 07:44
Senior Manager
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Re: B-school application satire [#permalink] New post 28 Feb 2008, 08:53
Oh man - these are wonderful - I bet you could create a list as long as an Encyclopedia of
these for the plethora of b-school essay questions out there.
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Re: B-school application satire [#permalink] New post 03 Mar 2008, 19:07
And by the way, if you read till this point, you are either admitted to a B-school and dont know what to do with your time till August, or you are unable to concentrate in your work while hitting the refresh button every 5 minutes.

hit the nail right on the head!!!!! I guess most of us r now in this phase of our B school journeys. I have to admit I have decided on the school m goin 2 this fall and like u say hv no idea wat 2 do with my time till August. Can't wait 2 start school this Fall. M trying 2 make a list of things 2 do to prepare well for B school. Lemme publish the list here:::

1. Learn Chinese for these 6 months
2. Subscribe to WSJ, Economist, Forbes n every site that pretends to sell business knowledge
3. M an international student so thinkin bout learning tennis as well
4. Hell, m even thinkin of learning golf!!!!!
5. Donno how 2 swim so m thinkin of learnin that too
6. Wanna travel my country expensively before leaving it
7. Wanna brush up on American history, geography, culture, etc etc etc n blah blah
8. Wanna brush up on some accounting, statistics etc etc etc etc
list goes on and on and on and on and on..........................
I invite neone like me thinkin of doin many things before joining school to add to these items!!!!!!!
Here's hopin that I can manage to do atleast a couple of these coz all these sound like those New year resolutions!!!!
Re: B-school application satire   [#permalink] 03 Mar 2008, 19:07
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