B-school application satire

For long have I desired to lampoon on our MBA applications. Please treat this as a confession wrapped in good natured humor and contribute your own thoughts on how folks magnify their achievements while applying.
I have presented my thoughts in the Question-Answer format below.
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Its curious to think of the following typical essay questions, their "actual" answers and their "submitted" answers

1. Why do you want to do an MBA....?
Actual: I want more power, authority, and of course a ton of extra money
Submitted: Everything except the above, expressed in xxx words. The typical answers contain flavors of the following: "The country and the society is facing a terrible dearth of effective leaders. I alone can fill in that vacuum."

2. Describe a situation where you demonstrated leadership.
Actual: I led the project into a disaster.
Submitted: The company was about to be doomed had I not divinely intervened and extricated it.

3. Please mention some of your weaknesses.
Actual: Too many to fit in the stipulated word length.
Submitted: In the interest of team-work, I need to learn to suppress my immense intelligence in the presence of less-gifted co-workers (ok, this one is from Dilbert)

4. Why is xxx school best for you?
Actual: It's not. I have applied to other good schools as well.
Submitted: I m ******@@@@@#### (these characters are typically replaced with words skillfully gleaned from the B-school's website). This is exactly what xxx School is looking for in its students. Thus, I m the ideal match.

Note: I sometimes wonder how does an applicant justify his application to Yale and Chicago - schools that have quite different philosophies. The essays must be deftly altered to suit the requirements of the other school.

5. community service
Actual: I needed a valid reason to skip classes and hang out. Moreover, the opportunity of free food was very tempting.
Submitted: "Charity begins at home. For me, it began while I was still in womb. Altruism runs in my blood...."



A funny definition of marketing goes thus: "It is the ability to sell a refrigerator to an Eskimo, that too in winter". Considering this, our marketing training starts even before we start our B-school - in our essays.
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Hope I didnt sound too cynical.

And by the way, if you read till this point, you are either admitted to a B-school and dont know what to do with your time till August, or you are unable to concentrate in your work while hitting the refresh button every 5 minutes.