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Can somebody please rate and critic my Argument Essay?

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Can somebody please rate and critic my Argument Essay? [#permalink] New post 25 Jun 2011, 17:59
ESSAY QUESTION:
The following appeared in the editorial section of a national news magazine:

"The rating system for electronic games is similar to the movie rating system in that it provides consumers with a quick reference so that they can determine if the subject matter and contents are appropriate. This electronic game rating system is not working because it is self regulated and the fines for violating the rating system are nominal. As a result an independent body should oversee the game industry and companies that knowingly violate the rating system should be prohibited from releasing a game for two years."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.

MY RESPONSE:
The author of this arguments concludes that the current electronic game system is a failure and to fix this an independent body should oversees the game industry and companies that knowingly violate the rating system should be prohibited from releasing a game for two years. This conclusion is based on the provided evidence that states that the rating system for electronic games is same as the movie rating system, and as a result, this electronic game rating system is not working because it is self regulated and the fines for violating the rating system is nominal. This evidence are further based on various unstated assumptions that may or may not be true. Given these assumptions this argument is flawed due to the following three reasons.

Among the most pivitol shortcomings of this argument is the author's failure to justify the reason for the failure of the current electronic game rating system is due to its similarity with movie rating system. The argument states that since the current electronic game rating system is similar to the movie rating system it leads to the failure of the system. The reason states are because it is self regulated and the fines for violating the rating system are nominal. This assumption is not justified. What if the reason why the current electonic game rating system is any credible is because it adopted the same rules as the movie rating system, which people already trust and hence is also widely accepted. The author can strengthen the agrument by pointing out the shortcomings of the movie rating system and how it has lead to the failure of movie rating system.

The next assumption that the author makes in this argument is that fines for violating the rating system will actually force the companies to not violate the rating system. What if in the game industry the two years punishment is considered nominal? The author can strengthen the argument giving instances when it has been seen that two years of probations is enough to force the companies comply to the rules. For eg. if the author said the game industry changes so rapidly that in two years if a company did not produce games it will virtually be out of business.

Finally, the author fails to justify that introducing the independent body will not lead to the end users loosing faith in the rating system. What if most of the time the end users are the ones rating the product and people try to believe other people rating the system? The author needs to give more examples to prove his point.

In summary, the argument is clearly flawed in view of the aforementioned assumptions that the author fails to justify. The author can strengthen the argument by filling these gaps and providing examples and proofs to justify that these assumptions are actually valid. Unless the author provides all necessary evidences, this argument fail to justify itself and it will be considered flawed.
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Re: Can somebody please rate and critic my Argument Essay? [#permalink] New post 26 Jun 2011, 11:07
Great effort!

I would rate this between 3.5-4.5.

1. It is difficult to grasp the point you are trying to make in your first body paragraph. If I understand correctly you are suggesting that since movie rating system is credible, the electronic gaming system could be credible as well since it follows the same pattern. The inclusion of the points from the argument about self-regulation and fines for violation seems irrelevant, especially since you are expanding on it in the next paragraph.
2. See my proposal about rephrasing questions as potential possibilities. my-first-awa-essay-115226.html.
3. The essay is a bit on short side, especially for the final two points. In case you haven't, I would recommend looking at the AWA Session (Dec 2nd, 2010) from Thursdays with Ron. Personally, I found his idea of starting with the body instead of the introduction extremely helpful. It makes you focus on parts of the essay that count the most towards your score.

Hope that helps,

Keep practicing!!
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Re: Can somebody please rate and critic my Argument Essay?   [#permalink] 26 Jun 2011, 11:07
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