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Can someone rate my AWA?

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Intern
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Joined: 03 Sep 2012
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Can someone rate my AWA? [#permalink] New post 03 Sep 2012, 08:21
"The following appeared in an announcement issued by the publisher of The Mercury, a weekly newspaper.“Since a competing lower-priced newspaper, The Bugle, was started five years ago, The Mercury’s circulation has declined by 10,000 readers. The best way to get more people to read The Mercury is to reduce its price below that of The Bugle, at least until circulation increases to former levels. The increased circulation of The Mercury will attract more businesses to buy advertising
space in the paper.”

------------------------------------------
The publisher has stated that the decrease of Mercury's subscription over Bugle is primarily due to the price difference. Moreover, The mercury newspaper has seen a decline of 10,000 subscriptions over the last five years. The publisher has also stated that, decreasing Mercury's price lower than Bugle would increase sales which helps in more advertising space and revenue. I find the reasoning provided by the publisher flawed and i explain the reasons in the following paragraphs.

Firstly, the article assumed that the decline is primarily due to the lower price offered by the Bugle than Mercury News. I find this reason quite flawed because, Bulge news paper could be publishing completely different news content than mercury and targeting different sections of the user groups. Moreover Bugle could be publishing less number of pages compared to mercury which has more pages which increase the production cost. It is also not stated if price was the only differentiating factor between the two news papers. This assumption is wrong.

Secondly, the article has not provided any data on the user subscriptions between the two news papers. If the subscriptions of Mercury news is in millions compared to Bugle which is if lower than Mercury than 10,000 subscriptions may not be a huge decline. However mercury news has to analyze on the decline. This could be due to a new editorial started by Bugle Or a new sports editions or some other factors.

Thirdly, there is no evidence of any increase in businesses spending more money on advertising. Had the publisher provide any evidence through research statistics or some sort reducing the price for mercury news may be a hasty decision.

Finally, had the article provided more information on type of readers between the two news papers, any external factors influencing the decline of Mercury news or another data, mercury news should not reduce the price. Therefore, the announcement issued by the publisher is seriously flawed.


Appreciate the help.

Regards,
Vik
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Re: Can someone rate my AWA? [#permalink] New post 03 Sep 2012, 10:54
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bvik wrote:
"The following appeared in an announcement issued by the publisher of The Mercury, a weekly newspaper.“Since a competing lower-priced newspaper, The Bugle, was started five years ago, The Mercury’s circulation has declined by 10,000 readers. The best way to get more people to read The Mercury is to reduce its price below that of The Bugle, at least until circulation increases to former levels. The increased circulation of The Mercury will attract more businesses to buy advertising
space in the paper.”

------------------------------------------
The publisher has stated that the decrease of Mercury's subscription over Bugle is primarily due to the price difference. Moreover, The mercury newspaper has seen a decline of 10,000 subscriptions over the last five years. The publisher has also stated that, decreasing Mercury's price lower than Bugle would increase sales which helps in more advertising space and revenue. I find the reasoning provided by the publisher flawed and i explain the reasons in the following paragraphs.

Firstly, the article assumed that the decline is primarily due to the lower price offered by the Bugle than Mercury News. I find this reason quite flawed because, Bulge news paper could be publishing completely different news content than mercury and targeting different sections of the user groups. Moreover Bugle could be publishing less number of pages compared to mercury which has more pages which increase the production cost. It is also not stated if price was the only differentiating factor between the two news papers. This assumption is wrong.

Secondly, the article has not provided any data on the user subscriptions between the two news papers. If the subscriptions of Mercury news is in millions compared to Bugle which is if lower than Mercury than 10,000 subscriptions may not be a huge decline. However mercury news has to analyze on the decline. This could be due to a new editorial started by Bugle Or a new sports editions or some other factors.

Thirdly, there is no evidence of any increase in businesses spending more money on advertising. Had the publisher provide any evidence through research statistics or some sort reducing the price for mercury news may be a hasty decision.

Finally, had the article provided more information on type of readers between the two news papers, any external factors influencing the decline of Mercury news or another data, mercury news should not reduce the price. Therefore, the announcement issued by the publisher is seriously flawed.


Appreciate the help.

Regards,
Vik
Hi Vik,

Overall, this essay gets a 3. It's got good structure and decent points, but several things hold it back. Proofread; lower-case "i" (not that you should use "I" at all!) and "bulge" instead of "bugle" show up in your first two paragraphs. Explore your points in MUCH more depth. You state in your fourth paragraph that there is no evidence that increased circulation will lead to increased advertising business, but this ignores the fact that circulation affecting advertising revenue is common sense! Of course, you are correct to specify that he doesn't explain how much and how well it will affect that revenue, but your explanation isn't satisfactory. And finally, your transitions are weak--most notably, "finally" in your last paragraph implies you are continuing your list of flaws when you are in fact shifting into your conclusion.

There is a core of a solid essay here, but it needs a lot of polish. Take a look at my advice, and some higher-scoring essays on this site, and I look forward to seeing your next attempt!

Regards,
_________________

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Re: Can someone rate my AWA? [#permalink] New post 04 Sep 2012, 08:13
Eli,

Thanks much for the reply and appreciate your help.

I've written the essay again and would appreciate your inputs.
------------------------------------------------------------
The publisher has stated that Mercury news readership has declined by 10,000 readers over the last 5years. It is also stated that this is due to the lower priced newspaper, The Bugle. It is assumed that the main reason for this decline is due to the price difference between the two papers.
Hence it is decided to decrease the price of Mercury news, which will help increase circulations to previous levels and hope to attract more businesses to buy advertising space in the paper. There are certain questionable assumptions which i find logically flawed.

First, the publisher indicated that the decline is primarily due to the price difference between the two news papers and no evidence has been provided to support this. The decline could be due to various factors other than the price such as lack of mobile site to read mercury news which is required to access information faster these days. So, deceasing the price may not meet their long term goals of increase circulations.

Secondly, the publisher hasn't provided any evidence on the ways mercury news advertise the news paper to attract more readers. Being a new newspaper, The Bugle could be aggressively marketing the paper with additional resources in their sales and marketing team which could have caused certain readers to opt for Bugle and hence the decline. So decreasing the price to attract more customers seems logically flawed.

Finally, The technology has been rapidly chaining these days and newspaper industry has seen shape decline in the publications. If mercury news failed to adopt the technology changes into their businesses, its a major concern in the decline. Moreover, the decline could be due to readers adopting different ways to get to the news real time by using various sources like twitter, mobile news application and news feeds.

Therefore, in order to make this more compelling, the publisher should provide more information on the assumptions discussed above. Thus, decreasing the price to increase circulations to former levers is flawed.

----------------------

Thanks,
Vik
Expert Post
Kaplan GMAT Instructor
User avatar
Joined: 25 Aug 2009
Posts: 644
Location: Cambridge, MA
Followers: 67

Kudos [?]: 183 [0], given: 2

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Re: Can someone rate my AWA? [#permalink] New post 04 Sep 2012, 21:53
Expert's post
bvik wrote:
Eli,

Thanks much for the reply and appreciate your help.

I've written the essay again and would appreciate your inputs.
------------------------------------------------------------
The publisher has stated that Mercury news readership has declined by 10,000 readers over the last 5years. It is also stated that this is due to the lower priced newspaper, The Bugle. It is assumed that the main reason for this decline is due to the price difference between the two papers.
Hence it is decided to decrease the price of Mercury news, which will help increase circulations to previous levels and hope to attract more businesses to buy advertising space in the paper. There are certain questionable assumptions which i find logically flawed.

First, the publisher indicated that the decline is primarily due to the price difference between the two news papers and no evidence has been provided to support this. The decline could be due to various factors other than the price such as lack of mobile site to read mercury news which is required to access information faster these days. So, deceasing the price may not meet their long term goals of increase circulations.

Secondly, the publisher hasn't provided any evidence on the ways mercury news advertise the news paper to attract more readers. Being a new newspaper, The Bugle could be aggressively marketing the paper with additional resources in their sales and marketing team which could have caused certain readers to opt for Bugle and hence the decline. So decreasing the price to attract more customers seems logically flawed.

Finally, The technology has been rapidly chaining these days and newspaper industry has seen shape decline in the publications. If mercury news failed to adopt the technology changes into their businesses, its a major concern in the decline. Moreover, the decline could be due to readers adopting different ways to get to the news real time by using various sources like twitter, mobile news application and news feeds.

Therefore, in order to make this more compelling, the publisher should provide more information on the assumptions discussed above. Thus, decreasing the price to increase circulations to former levers is flawed.

----------------------

Thanks,
Vik

This is an improvement, so good job! But it still needs work. Multiple typos ("rapidly chaining," "former levers") are problematic. Also, your second-to-last sentence is not convicning. You must be more specific about how, precisely, the author could be strengthened to get a top tier score!

Eli
_________________

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Re: Can someone rate my AWA?   [#permalink] 04 Sep 2012, 21:53
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