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Can you comment on my essay?

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Can you comment on my essay? [#permalink] New post 25 Nov 2013, 06:28
Modernization

The issue of globalization has made many social debates arguing for and against it. Some conventional minds and figures see it as an attacking on the grandparents culture. Other, who mostly travelled outside, consider it as something banality. Yet, the debates and arguments will continue, and modernization too whether we accept it or not as if we do not admit it someone else will do.

The first to think about is to define what tradition means. Meaning to keep the habits, behaviors, values and customs in a specific society or group exactly the same as they were in last ages. For instance, the tradition may represented through the closing styles which surely varies from Egypt to Brazil to India. Personally, I do and do not argue for tradition. Supporting the positive effects that it'll have if appreciate and respect our heritage from grandparents, I agree on the traditional perspectives. As it is our national identities which seem non-replaceable many times. We cannot eliminate or hide our culture, beliefs, and values because they are our national identity; because we are nothing with out it. Yet, keeping originality does not necessarily acquire our insulation from the world.

Given the last concept of traditional heritage, we will investigate the seemingly contrasting concept; modernization or globalization. Using simple words, it means to delete and cancel all the old-fashioned cultural boarders among the nations. It is to support the rights of freedom of belief, and getting information, and dependable individual decision. No doubt, this is sometimes risky or ambiguous in results viewpoints. Yet, knowing what the other does and believes is germane in this era. So, to assure having and expecting the positive site results, we should make the necessary compromise weighing the points of weaknesses/strengths if modernization foments, or tradition reserves.

It is hard to give accurate position for or against modern things and manners as there is a wide and spread spectra from positive to negative application. If we believe just in the dogmatic conventional preservance, we would never travel using airplanes, or notebooks because just another nation was the first to discover it. On the opposite side, we can not credit all the modern and strange values that represent other society with other history and another identity.

In conclusion, we should combine the social traditional heritage with the what can be applied from the modernized discoveries and findings. Tradition will stay as a must because it is our nationality and what we can and have. Yet, modernization cannot be avoided or disconsidered in this age.
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Word Count Summary:
First Paragraph: 65 words.
Second Paragraph: 130 words.
Third Paragraph: 102 words.
Fourth Paragraph: 78 words
Fifth Paragraph: 48 words
Total: 423 words.
Score: 6
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Re: Can you comment on my essay? [#permalink] New post 25 Nov 2013, 07:24
ahmed1 wrote:
Modernization


Score: 6


Read this before posting..new-to-the-gmat-club-start-here-130870.html
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Re: Can you comment on my essay? [#permalink] New post 01 Dec 2013, 01:43
Ok Thanks for advice.

I did read the page, but I am running for GRE and I came here to share ideas and thoughts about AWA :) .

In any field of endeavor, it is impossible to make a significant contribution without first being strongly influenced by past achievements within that field.
Internal motives are crucial.

Internal motives are germane.

There is an old quote saying ``Gardens are not made by sitting in the shade``. Honda cars in Japan which carry the name of the founder are evidence that contributing does not depend basically on the past achievements influential effects. They suffered from failure many times but they never quieted. Success depends generally on the basic talents of an individual or teamwork. Yet, the contributions will sometimes make sometimes more work-bearer and resilient.
For one thing I disagree with the claim that a significant contribution should be preceded by strong inspiration within that field, is that the process of contribution depends basically and mostly on the personal potentials of the individuals and team groups. These contributors may and sometimes may not have been influenced by past achievements within their interest area. If they have large potentials and skills doing their work, probably, they will not influencing effects from the past endeavor contributors. For one instance, many of those who may belong to the past achievements have not influenced by the people who preceded themselves. Taha Hussein, the dean of Arab art, and Helen Keler are clear examples for that, though the Ms Keler was superior in suffering. Both of them were blind, but their blindness did prevent them from learning achievement. Both of them did not put their huge and massive endeavors because someone else from the past did that and they just liked that ideal. They have the internal motives for success which are far more important than the external ones. Past achievements belong to those external motives for success.
Following the internal motives, there is no guarantee that the person getting involved in a new field has known and experienced the last achievements influence. Sometimes, we spend large interval of time with a specific field of activity and then we change our minds to do totally different work kind from that we know. In that case, we are already unaware of the past contributions effect in that field, however that is not necessarily will be a barrier for our endeavor`s success. If we have a huge passion for the work we want and like to do, then whatever the challenges against us, we are going to make something brilliant. One example was my undergraduate supervisor which had his PhD from Hungary. After his graduation from Minia University in Egypt, he was employed to teach a little class aiding the faculty professors. He spent half of his salary on transport from Cairo to Minia and back. The other half he was spending on buying periodicals and journals. He had done that for 8 years. After that, he obtained his MS degree and was able to travel to Hungary. He had no experience about what he is going to do, but he has great passion for it.
Adding to the required passion, and internal motives, the work success requires variable sets of skills. Among them, we can say emotional labor (getting in love with the work), resilience (the ability to recover from probable failure), persistence (keep going and not quieting), ambition, politeness, cooperation, teamwork, negtiotation, argumentation, creative and critical analysis, and analytical writing. However I have never read that last contributor effect should be present among those skills to shine. In his book ``linchpin`` Seth Godin argues doing art and giving gifts is the most part of achieving successful achievement witing the work environment.
On the opposite position of giving gifts, doing art, passion, and internal motives, it holds true sometimes that we need external inspiration to achieve good success in our duties and tasks. The last contributions effect may sometimes recover and force us to think positively about our abilities and the possibilities we have. Thus we can figure out the exact positions we are putting our feet assessing where we should forward our next step. Many times when I feel that I will never be able to do that, I just to get some inspiration fromm external sources including experiences and achievements from the past times.
In conclusion, I suppose the past experiences and contributions don`t necessarily have the superior effect on our prospective contributions within any area of interest. Because it depends on us who we work currently, our passion, our gifts, and our hard work. However, I also support that we will need them and other external sources of inspiration.

Thank you for passing on.
Re: Can you comment on my essay?   [#permalink] 01 Dec 2013, 01:43
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