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Children today have an unprecedented number- Review Please

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Children today have an unprecedented number- Review Please [#permalink] New post 22 May 2012, 20:31
Hi friends

Can you please rate the following essays?

ESSAY QUESTION:
"Children today have an unprecedented number of options when it comes to entertainment. Since no parent can be aware of all of these options, it falls to the entertainment media to ensure that their content is suitable for young consumers."

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your point of view with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.

YOUR RESPONSE:
The statement in the above question holds the view that entertainment media itself, and not parents, should be made responsible to ensure suitable content is viewed by children. I think the statement is true in most situations.
In today's world, a majority of both the parents work. The parents work to ensure a better livelihood for the family and their children in particular. Thus, children live an independent life in the absence of their parents. They are exposed to different kinds of entertainment options. TV, internet, computers, mobiles all provide a variety of entertainment choices. Though, some of these options may not be deemed suitable for the children. If parents are working, they will not be aware of what a child watches back at home. Also, they may not know of all the options that such devices provide. In such a situation, it becomes imperative for the entertainment media to censure such options.
The Television showcases a variety of entertainment channels. However, the TV media should take note of proper viewing schedules of some particular types of channels or shows. Shows displaying vulgarity or aggressive behaviour should be kept at periods of time when parents are at home. Else, children could sense a degree of freedom and may get spoilt soon Also, the TV could display a guide listing all the shows at their particular timings. This way parents can be informed about the unsuitable viewing options and regulate them to avoid viewing by children.
Similarly, vulgar internet websites could come with blocked features or may require prior adult approval for their viewing. Computer or video games that include a lot of violent content should have proper age limits to regulate any ill effects that the games may have on children. Cellphones that have options such as MMS or internet viewing may be used in wrong ways. When I was young, I learnt of an incident where such video camera phones were used by two young students to make a video of oral sexual actions. This video was later circulated through the internet. Thus such wrong entertainment modes can spoil a child, leading to different kinds of aggressive or depressive behaviour.
Thus, because of the reasons mentioned above I believe entertainment media, itself should try to ensure that their content is suitable for viewing by children. This will easen parents' task to regulate proper entertainment options for their children.

The following appeared in a newspaper editorial:

"The claims of some politicians that we are on the brink of an energy crisis are misguided. We have enough oil in reserve to see us through any production shortage and the supply of in-ground oil is in no danger of running out any time soon. There is thus no need to set aside the technology and infrastructure of a century of oil-based energy."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.

YOUR RESPONSE:
The author begins her argument by saying some politicians are flawed in believing that an energy crisis will happen soon. She further advocates that we should continue to use technology using oil-based energy as no shortage of oil is expected in the near future. The author's argument holds true in few situations but is flawed in most others. In my analysis of the argument, I will present the assumptions drawn by the author, flaws in her argument and bring out a logical understanding to the situation at hand.
Firstly, the author states that politicians who think that an energy crisis will soon happen are wrong. She tries to justify her stand by bringing evidence of a large oil supply. However, the author here assumes that oil is the sole source of energy. The politicians could have been infering the energy crisis on basis of other sources of energy such as wind, solar, tidal, hydro and others. If oil is a major source of energy, then this fact should have been presented clearly in the argument.
The author talks about how oil will continue to supply our energy needs. She says that the amount of oil is plenty and will not deplete in the near future. However, no credence has been given to this fact. The author could have cited some survey as evidence to justify her stand. Also, she fails to mention the degree of consumption of oil-based energy. Evaluation of how much oil can actually be converted into useful energy could have been provided. Thus, some analysis needs to be given to substantiate that the production of oil could meet the consumption of oil-based energy. Such data could have given sound logic to the argument.
In the end, the author advocates that we should continue use of technology using oil-based energy. She simply assumes that the present amount of oil would be sufficient to meet needs of future technology. In the future, population will rise, new technologies requiring more use of energy may emerge. If such a trend is observed, the author's conclusion can fall flat.
Thus, the author's argument is flawed because of the reasons mentioned above. The author assumes and extrapolates without linking her evidence to the conclusion. She should have provided more evidence and facts and associated them well to her inference. This would have further structured and strengthened her argument and substianted her conclusion.
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Re: Can people rate my Argument and Issue essays ? [#permalink] New post 23 May 2012, 08:07
hi aanshu,


though i am not a connoisseur(expert in judgement).

i find ur issue essay-quite persuasive (convincing), but your argument analysis is not up to the mark.

even i am in the stage of preparation.

issue review:-
1)there are minor typos & little syntactical(sentence structure) errors.
but over all its good.
2) in fourth paragraph- similarly.... u mentioned that prior adult approval( which means mostly parents ) so
instead of agreeing entirely - as u did with ur analysis. u could have even mentioned a disagreeing component, which would have made ur presentation quite appealing.

argument review:-

1) there are lots of errors yaar.

Thus, some analysis needs to be given-----------what does that mean. i feel u need to provide the points which if they are present, can strengthen the argument.
2) u mentioned.......... population will rise. of course it may be true, but cant we take measures to restrain(control/limit) our population.


so overall. u can achieve a score of 4.5 /6.


argument:-4
issue:- 5

hey guys, any criticisms or applauds (praise) for my review is very much welcome.
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Re: Can people rate my Argument and Issue essays ? [#permalink] New post 24 May 2012, 21:16
Thanks Vishnu for reviewing :)

Yes, I feel I did lack much in the argument.
Going forward, I will explain the points further. I used to answer the essay question as an evaluation, leaving open-ended questions.
From now on, I would include points that would strengthen my argument and weaken the author's.
Re: Can people rate my Argument and Issue essays ?   [#permalink] 24 May 2012, 21:16
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