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Could you give me a grade for my essay??

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Could you give me a grade for my essay?? [#permalink] New post 03 Feb 2011, 08:41
Hey guys.

could u give me a grade for this essay? Thanks a lot!!!!!!!!!!


Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are
the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support
your answer.


Some people think parents are the best teachers for children. Other people support the claim that school teachers are the ones really responsible for the education of children. The issue is a controversial one, but a closer examination reveals that parents are indeed the best teachers.
One reason to support the aforementioned is that children usually try to imitate their parents’ behaviour. Children may learn maths or science at school but, on the other hand, when we are talking about learning other skills such as social skills or human values, we can conclude that parents are the real teachers because children tend to act like them. To illustrate this point, I will mention the example of my two brothers, who studied at the same school and even had the same teachers. However, my parents could not spend enough time to educate my younger brother since they had to travel for work regularly. As a consequence, my younger brother does not only have a more aggressive character but also finds it difficult to establish relationships with friends. Clearly, parents have a great influence over children.

Another reason is that sometimes children do not take seriously what teachers say or explain. They do not conceive teachers as their leaders but see them just as people who are doing their job. For example, I do not know anyone who will state that one of his teachers has been the most influential person during his life. This status is always occupied by parents, relatives or friends. Therefore, teachers are not really influential on children.

On the other hand, some may argue that teachers spend much more time teaching children than parents do. These individuals may point to examples of parents who work all day and only spend time with their children at weekends. However, these people ignore the fact that teaching is not a matter of time but a matter of attitude.

In summary, while there are arguments to be made for both sides, it is clear that there are greater advantages to thinking that parents are the best teachers because of the above mentioned reasons.



thank you very muchh!!!!
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Re: Could you give me a grade for my essay?? [#permalink] New post 03 Feb 2011, 14:12
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josegr wrote:
Hey guys.

could u give me a grade for this essay? Thanks a lot!!!!!!!!!!


Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are
the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support
your answer.


Some people think parents are the best teachers for children. Other people support the claim that school teachers are the ones really responsible for the education of children. The issue is a controversial one, but a closer examination reveals that parents are indeed the best teachers.
One reason to support the aforementioned is that children usually try to imitate their parents’ behaviour. Children may learn maths or science at school but, on the other hand, when we are talking about learning other skills such as social skills or human values, we can conclude that parents are the real teachers because children tend to act like them. To illustrate this point, I will mention the example of my two brothers, who studied at the same school and even had the same teachers. However, my parents could not spend enough time to educate my younger brother since they had to travel for work regularly. As a consequence, my younger brother does not only have a more aggressive character but also finds it difficult to establish relationships with friends. Clearly, parents have a great influence over children.

Another reason is that sometimes children do not take seriously what teachers say or explain. They do not conceive teachers as their leaders but see them just as people who are doing their job. For example, I do not know anyone who will state that one of his teachers has been the most influential person during his life. This status is always occupied by parents, relatives or friends. Therefore, teachers are not really influential on children.

On the other hand, some may argue that teachers spend much more time teaching children than parents do. These individuals may point to examples of parents who work all day and only spend time with their children at weekends. However, these people ignore the fact that teaching is not a matter of time but a matter of attitude.

In summary, while there are arguments to be made for both sides, it is clear that there are greater advantages to thinking that parents are the best teachers because of the above mentioned reasons.



thank you very muchh!!!!


I would say your essay's structure looks pretty good. I didn't count the number of words, but I guess you could probably add some words to the conclusion. Another thing is that the paragraph saying "Therefore, teachers are not really influential on children" doesn't sound really convincing (imho). But this is probably because I look at this essay from the point of view of GMAT evaluators, so it anyways might be ok for the TOEFL. I scored 30 in writing (110 overall score). What I did was just writing a list of credible arguments and filling them in in the template structures (eventually more than doubled the required number of words for both essays). I think if you manage to do something like that at the real test, you should be fine.
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Re: Could you give me a grade for my essay?? [#permalink] New post 03 Feb 2011, 21:42
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ibeatgmat wrote:
josegr wrote:
Hey guys.

could u give me a grade for this essay? Thanks a lot!!!!!!!!!!


Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are
the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support
your answer.


Some people think parents are the best teachers for children. Other people support the claim that school teachers are the ones really responsible for the education of children. The issue is a controversial one, but a closer examination reveals that parents are indeed the best teachers.
One reason to support the aforementioned is that children usually try to imitate their parents’ behaviour. Children may learn maths or science at school but, on the other hand, when we are talking about learning other skills such as social skills or human values, we can conclude that parents are the real teachers because children tend to act like them. To illustrate this point, I will mention the example of my two brothers, who studied at the same school and even had the same teachers. However, my parents could not spend enough time to educate my younger brother since they had to travel for work regularly. As a consequence, my younger brother does not only have a more aggressive character but also finds it difficult to establish relationships with friends. Clearly, parents have a great influence over children.

Another reason is that sometimes children do not take seriously what teachers say or explain. They do not conceive teachers as their leaders but see them just as people who are doing their job. For example, I do not know anyone who will state that one of his teachers has been the most influential person during his life. This status is always occupied by parents, relatives or friends. Therefore, teachers are not really influential on children.

On the other hand, some may argue that teachers spend much more time teaching children than parents do. These individuals may point to examples of parents who work all day and only spend time with their children at weekends. However, these people ignore the fact that teaching is not a matter of time but a matter of attitude.

In summary, while there are arguments to be made for both sides, it is clear that there are greater advantages to thinking that parents are the best teachers because of the above mentioned reasons.



thank you very muchh!!!!


I would say your essay's structure looks pretty good. I didn't count the number of words, but I guess you could probably add some words to the conclusion. Another thing is that the paragraph saying "Therefore, teachers are not really influential on children" doesn't sound really convincing (imho). But this is probably because I look at this essay from the point of view of GMAT evaluators, so it anyways might be ok for the TOEFL. I scored 30 in writing (110 overall score). What I did was just writing a list of credible arguments and filling them in in the template structures (eventually more than doubled the required number of words for both essays). I think if you manage to do something like that at the real test, you should be fine.



I agree to the comments given above. With this essay, you can expect about 28/30 in the overall writing section in TOEFL. But if it comes to GMAT, you have to work a little harder, put in one more point in favour of the argument and expand the conclusion may be. Overall, the essay structure and language is fluent & good, as are the points and examples.

All the Best!
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Re: Could you give me a grade for my essay?? [#permalink] New post 04 Feb 2011, 10:10
Thank you!! I really need to get a high mark in Writing (29-39) as my speaking skills are terrible (do not expect to get more than 22).
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Re: Could you give me a grade for my essay?? [#permalink] New post 10 Feb 2011, 00:12
Hey the structure looks good. I think you've grasped the basic concepts well. Hope you do great!
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Re: Could you give me a grade for my essay?? [#permalink] New post 03 Apr 2011, 13:07
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hey,

If I'm not mistaken it is the second writing task. You are expected to write at least 300 words and by a visual guess, I consider it around 200-250. between 300-350 is perfect.

You need to work on the conclusion. It's good that you don't stick to one side with bias but you say that both sides have their own benefits and that you finally state your standpoint. raters like this. One important thing: "because of the above mentioned reasons."??? I'm sure it is at least one of the two points Samidh deducted from your writing. Conclusion, though more brief than the body, must be stand-alone. So, you should rephrase your main arguments and reasons here. Don't suffice to say "for the above reason". It looks just shrugging off the conclusion part, the raters will judge. The reader's not supposed to go back and read again.

"the aforementioned" is an adj. .So where's its noun?

"mathS"?

The main defect is the summary. No less than 28. Gud luck
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Re: Could you give me a grade for my essay?? [#permalink] New post 01 Jun 2011, 18:35
Can someone please help grade this for TOEFL? Am writing the exam next week and am yet to get any form of grading for my writing. Thanks a loT!!!

Learning on one's own or learning under a teacher?


Acquiring knowledge has become an important part of our daily activities. Whether through news channels, informative books or discussions in a school class, people now favour learning and understanding the world in which they live. Even senior citizens who never grew up with modern gadgets such as laptops, mobile phones, etc., now realize that they must know the basics of operating these equipments if they are to get ahead in the world. These demands for knowledge are indeed not out-of-place in a world where new findings or advancements are constantly being added to an existing knowledge pool. However, while some prefer hiring a teacher or attending taught classes, some favour grasping these things on their own. In my opinion, the former has more weight. Even though learning on one's own have some benefits of its own, learning under a teacher certainly offers more advantages for many reasons. I shall outline these here.

First, studying under a teacher or having a teacher put one through offers the oppportunity to ask questions when lost. This is certainly an opportunity which one cannot have when studying alone. Usually after reading a topic or conducting an experiment, there will remain gaps in one's knowledge. Even though the student who doesn't have a teacher might fill those gaps himself, this will take considerable time. On the other hand, the student, who has a teacher, can immediately pose the troubling question to his experienced teacher who will be quick to provide him an answer.

Second, teachers are teachers because they are experienced and know how to go about difficult parts. Certain subjects, such as advanced physics, are infact very difficult and not easily understandable. Like students who might have difficulty with such a subject, senior citizens might also experience a hard time using an equipment they have never seen in their life. The experienced teacher comes in here. Knowledgeable and used to such difficulties, the teacher can easily solve the student's or senior citizen's problems. Some may argue that such a teacher's services will be very expensive, but we are well aware that the knowledge the other party gains from his teaching is worth even more. As they say, knowledge is power.

Third, those who study on their own will probably be unaware about pacing their reading. Starting with the first chapter of a relatively unimportant book or studying page by page of irrelevant materials, they may read hapazardly. In addition to teaching, teachers also guide students. A teacher might know very well which chapter to begin with and perhaps this will be the last chapter. A student studying by himself, on the other hand, may make the wrong move of beginning with the first chapter. For example, I remember getting instructions from my college teacher not to read a particular book which, though was popular, was not ideal at that moment. Following his directives, I paced my reading very well and only read the important details at the appropriate times.

Finally, teachers also motivate students. In addition to guiding one through the learning maze, they also encourage one along this rather strenuous exercise. Learning is not easy, especially when one is confronted with difficult parts. Having a teacher by one side can be a huge consolation.

In conclusion, the opportunities to ask questions, learn from experienced hands, get help with reading appropriately and get motivation while learning make learning under a teacher far more advantageous than studying by oneself. Apparently we all need teachers, even as we serve as teacher to others. Even though we might have to pay for their services, I believe that taking that chance is not only worth it, but also is the best option we have.
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Re: Could you give me a grade for my essay?? [#permalink] New post 01 Jun 2011, 21:07
Hey bantunna,

If this is done under time constraint and typed directly to the PC with no error correction software, then I shall congratulate you on a 28+ piece of writing writing. My own writing turned out to be 28, too :)

The structure looks perfect. You started with a few sentences introducing the topic and its significance, expressed the two alternatives, took a clear side with one alternative besides modestly avoiding total rejection of the other. Then you wrote a thesis sentence, in which you listed the reasons why you took side with having a teacher.

Through paragraphs 2 to 5, you elaborated on each reason well.

The last paragraph summarized your choice and reasons concisely and sufficiently.

I just noticed a few issues which may be responsible for a not-perfect score:

1) when I took the text to MS Word, it said it is 616 words. Is it true? Did you manage to type all this in the allowed time?

2) 2nd paragraph: we say either "provide sb with sth" or "provide sth for somebody". So you should have said "provide him with an answer"

3) the 5th paragraph is so bare and nude :). You need to add some leaves and branches to it to raise your score. For example you could say teachers and students become friendly partners after a while and it is friends' duty to keep each other's motivation momentum turning. They can even talk about their personal problems with each other as time passes and interpersonal confidence grows.

Wish you luck. Don't hesitate to ask me if you have any other question
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Re: Could you give me a grade for my essay?? [#permalink] New post 02 Jun 2011, 14:06
hi saeedt,
thanks a million for your assessment. Finally I get some grading for my work. Just as an aside, I've been looking for some free e-grader software which might help grade the many essays I have written. Any on the net? :). For now, I've being using MSword for spell check and word count.

Well, I wrote the whole thing within the alloted time. I type fast and am only lucky TOEFL writing is done on the keyboard! A 616-word essay is too much? Do I have to cut down on the words? Typically, I write 500+. Good? I agree the 5th paragraph is like a young, unclothed boy sweltering out in the sun. I was rather in a rush to complete the writing in time. Also, I agree with your suggestion of teacher and student developing interpersonal connections.

Meanwhile, I have been expermenting with the much-discussed chineseburned's writing template I found here. Is it wise to begin some incorporation at this stage, since I am having the exam in less than a week? Also, I really do hope it's a 28+ as you remarked. My goal is actually a 30 in writing.
And I hope you don't mind if I post another essay down here for assessment. Thanks a mil!


Are college years the best in one's life?

Going to college is now usual among young people. People go to college so that they can start a career, become employable or simply get the chance to engage in social or sports activities. Because most college students are often between 19-25, people tend to believe that college is mostly for young people. Since these years are formative years, the inclination is to believe that they are the times one can get the most fun. While I do not dispute this assertion, I believe there are a number of reasons why it can't be true. For one, college is not just for young people; older people past their prime, and sometimes senior citizens, also seek adult education. However, I'll outline my other reasons below.

First, college years are only about 3-4 years. How can just 3-4 years be the best in one's life? College years are undoubtedly preparatory years. We often learn the most significant things about human behaviour during this time and also learn to discover new things about ourselves. Nevertheless, the number of years is just too few to completely determine one's life. Oftentimes, people will leave college only to discover completely new things about themselves. For instance, I never realised that I loved literature very much until I left the university. University activities had apparently taken so much of my time that I never had room for anything else. Once I left school and had more free time, reading literature books became a hobby and I have even given it serious thoughts to write a novel myself.

Second, college often houses very young people. Young people are naive and selfish; they are also very quick to conclude that they are having their best time in college. What isn't immediately obvious to them is that they still have a lot of years ahead of them. True, some find their wives in college and some end up with lifelong friends from college. Nevertheless, there are many more years ahead after college and these years are as open as they can be. Chances are that their best time is yet to come. Perhaps during their weddings, perhaps after securing that well-paid job, perhaps it will be after starting their own business. One thing is certain though, limiting one's best time to college years is clearly an act of inexperience.

Finally, not everyone gets to have a nice time in college. This might be as a result of several factors such as intimidation by a bully, social phobias or anxiety which are often common among young people. Therefore, it is quite rare that everyone enjoys their college experience. It is unfair to these people to conclude that college years are the best in one's life. Such people should also get the chance to have their own best time once they finish college. Years of college are mostly formative years and the experience gained is taken into the outside world.

In conclusion, the few number of years college require, the naivety of college students and the rare chance of having a nice time in college do not make college years the best in a person's life. In fact, one shouldn't hastily conclude that the most fun is obtained in college. Life itself is fun. As we live it, it will always leave room for discovering ourselves and finding what's most fun to us.
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Re: Could you give me a grade for my essay?? [#permalink] New post 02 Jun 2011, 20:16
bantunna,

One thing I noticed about your first essay, ignored it but saw it again in your 2nd essay is that you sometimes digress from the main topic in your first paragraph. In your first essay, the part you talk about senior citizens and high tech equipment, digresses from the main point, which is learning. In the 2nd essay, too, you again talk about age concept in going to college, which is irrelevant to the main topic. Maybe one reason your essays exceed the normal word count, is your fat first paragraphs. Note that first paragraphs must contain 3-5 sentences according to standards: 1 to 2 introduction, 1 to 2 side taking and 1 thesis sentence. 600+ is too much and can bore the rater. There's no doubt you should exceed the recommended number of words, but maybe by 100 words at most, not 300, 400.

Again your writing score 28+ which is really great. Just one warning to you. Do you use MS Word to correct your writing. Try to turn autocapitalization and spelling check off in Word when you practice for TOEFL. This will make you lazy and in the test day there's no MS Word for you.

As of free e-grader I don't think such a thing exists.
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Re: Could you give me a grade for my essay?? [#permalink] New post 03 Jun 2011, 13:26
saeedt wrote:
bantunna,

One thing I noticed about your first essay, ignored it but saw it again in your 2nd essay is that you sometimes digress from the main topic in your first paragraph. In your first essay, the part you talk about senior citizens and high tech equipment, digresses from the main point, which is learning. In the 2nd essay, too, you again talk about age concept in going to college, which is irrelevant to the main topic. Maybe one reason your essays exceed the normal word count, is your fat first paragraphs. Note that first paragraphs must contain 3-5 sentences according to standards: 1 to 2 introduction, 1 to 2 side taking and 1 thesis sentence. 600+ is too much and can bore the rater. There's no doubt you should exceed the recommended number of words, but maybe by 100 words at most, not 300, 400.

Again your writing score 28+ which is really great. Just one warning to you. Do you use MS Word to correct your writing. Try to turn autocapitalization and spelling check off in Word when you practice for TOEFL. This will make you lazy and in the test day there's no MS Word for you.

As of free e-grader I don't think such a thing exists.


Thanks saeedt, for the comments. They were very helpful. Regarding the long introduction, your observation is insightful, but my intention is simply to provide a background, a framework on which to rest the thesis statement. This framework is not easy to build with few sentences. Also, simple introductions I have come across just seem rather hasty to me. I'll make changes, though.
No, I type in Wordpad, but use Word at times for correction (of course, after completing writing!).
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Re: Could you give me a grade for my essay?? [#permalink] New post 04 Jun 2011, 13:59
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You are welcome friend, let me know if I can be of any further help
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Re: Could you give me a grade for my essay?? [#permalink] New post 14 Jun 2011, 12:33
Finally wrote my TOEFL exam. Will be giving a debrief soon. Man, I do hope I'll get my desired score! :) :)
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Re: Could you give me a grade for my essay?? [#permalink] New post 14 Jun 2011, 12:45
I hope so :)
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Re: Could you give me a grade for my essay?? [#permalink] New post 15 Jun 2011, 07:51
Question: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement ? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Answer:
When I ask ten passerbys on the street, nine of them answer that parents are their best teacher. This is not difficult to understand. Our parents give birth to us, grow and follow us almost our lifetime. They have a great influence on their children that nobody can deny.
First of all, parents are very close to you. They give us life and spend a lot of time with us. They know exactly our characteristics and help you develope your weakness as well as your strength. Moreover, if you make some small mistakes, they can forgive you easily and be willing to correct them.
Secondly, teachers only teach us knowledge about their subjects. Our parents can teach us everything we need. They have not only knowledge about maths, literature, electricity, ... but also practical skills such as: communicating, organizing and so on. These skills will help us a lot when we grow up, especially when we work in a competitive medium.
Finally, their parents affect their children's habits. They show how to do something in life so that children can easily study and repeat. In addition, children often take their parents as their models. Good parents have good sons, daughters.
In brief, I believe that noone is better than parents as a teacher. They are more influential than any other people in their children's life and help them to be a good citizen in this world.


Not really a good one, this is my first essay. It takes me 36mins to complete it.
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Re: Could you give me a grade for my essay?? [#permalink] New post 15 Jun 2011, 11:17
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1- Grammatical mistakes
a) "a great influence" is wrong. Great influence (no "a")
b) "good sons, daughters". Should be good sons AND daughters

2- Word choice mistakes
a) We don't say grow us up. We say raise us or bring us up.
b) "we work in a competitive MEDIUM". It's vague to me and probably to TOEFL raters. What about "environment" instead of "medium".
c) "THEIR parents affect their children's habits". Isn't the first "their" unneeded? Yes.

3- Structural
a) You had better distinguish different paragraphs either by leaving a double space between them or indent their first line.
b) Your opening paragraph is defective. First, you have not mentioned your direct siding (agree or not). Second, you don't have a related thesis sentence that introduces you main points (closeness, all-round teaching, influence ). Consider the following opening sentence fulfilling the above criteria:

I strongly agree that parents are the best teachers a person can have in his life time. There are many reasons why I think in this way. To introduce some, parents are usually the closest people to us, they can teach us many lesson from different aspects of life and they have great impact on our future.

As a general note, write a little (say, about 20-50) more than suggested by ETS. Also using some more complex words and structures can help you rise your scores. Generally, your essay is good and the main defect in in the first paragraph, about which you should know that it's very critical to your score.
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Re: Could you give me a grade for my essay??   [#permalink] 15 Jun 2011, 11:17
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