Adamknewton, can you please evaluate my issue essay! =) : Analytical Writing Assessment (AWA)
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Senior Manager
Joined: 30 Nov 2010
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Schools: UC Berkley, UCLA
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18 Jan 2011, 11:34
“In any enterprise, the process of making or doing something is ultimately more important than the final product.”
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The issue of whether spending more time and energy on the small details of the final product is a controversial one. Some believe that one's energy and money would be spent more wisely if people would stop wasting their time on details. Others believe that it is the detail that results in the best quality of the final product. I would have to agree with those who believe that the later is better, for the following reasons.

Firstly, the quality of the final product depends on how well the smaller parts of the product are made. We can take the movie, "Avatar" for an example, Director/Producer James Cameron wrote and completed the play fifteen years before the movie was made and, during that time, he was waiting for the right kind of digital technology to use to present this block buster sensation to the audience. And sure enough he directed the highest grossing movie of all time. The time, energy and money he put into making "Avatar", were all worth it at the end.

Secondly, the advantage of producing a product with quality is that a business can charge more for the better quality it provides. Let us compare the services of an expensive hotel to the services of a cheaper one. The expensive hotel would provide roomservice, massages, spa treatments, sauna, etc... and their personnel would accommodate their customers with the details that they desire. Such little details as they way the food is presented makes a difference for their customers. Whereas, cheaper hotel would not provide as many services or pay as much attention to the detail of their services.

Admittedly, some may argue that it would be a waste of time to spend so much time and money on such little details. But that disadvantage can be corrected by carefully planning and organizing as not to waste valuable resources needlessly.

All in all, I believe that the end product can be worth the resources put into it but good planning, scheduling and organization would ensure the best use of these resources.
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Knewton GMAT Instructor
Joined: 04 Jan 2011
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Kudos [?]: 90 [0], given: 0

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20 Jan 2011, 10:08
This is a somewhat difficult essay to grade, because the structure of the essay, the logic of the examples, and the clarity of the language are all very, very good. However, it's simply not on the correct topic, and thus can't score higher than a 3.

The correct topic is: Which is more important, the process or the result? Take, for example, going to university. Is the experience of being there, making connections, enjoying new experiences, getting out on one's own, the important part? Or is it the fact that you get a degree at the end that will earn you a higher salary in the future? This is akin to the cliche that "the journey is more important than the destination."

The topic you wrote about was: Which is more important in producing a good result, focusing on the details or focusing on the end goal? There is another Issue Essay topic out there similar to this one, but it isn't the prompt you were given. None of your examples, as a result, compare the process to the results, but in fact all take as a given that the results are more important, as long as one focuses on the details to get there.

Be careful! A great essay can be undone by not taking the first few minutes to be certain that you're writing on the correct topic.
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Senior Manager
Joined: 30 Nov 2010
Posts: 263
Schools: UC Berkley, UCLA
Followers: 1

Kudos [?]: 91 [0], given: 66

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20 Jan 2011, 10:29
Thank you Adam! I will correct the way I write next time.
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Thank you for your kudoses Everyone!!!

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