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Could you please help me correcting my LOM?

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Joined: 03 Apr 2010
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Could you please help me correcting my LOM? [#permalink] New post 10 Jun 2010, 00:45
Could you please help me correcting my letter of motivation?
I did not write anything in english for about 4 years and as a consequence, there are definitely some mistakes.
Thank you very much!
--------------------

Dear Madam or Sir,

My main motivation for studying at the University of Maastricht, is my intend to study in an international environment at a respectable university. I would like to gain international knowledge, in order to work for an international company, like a bank or a consultancy, after finishing my master‘s degree.

To archive this goal, there are several requirements to be fulfilled, which I would like to broaden during my time in Maastricht. Having checked the homepage of the University of Maastricht and the master‘s programme brochure, I am very confident that this program can provide me with sufficient acadamic qualification, language skills and the ability to work in a team, which all are essential in today‘s business environment.

Another reason for my interest to study in Maastricht, is that I always wanted to study abroad in order to get in contact with other students from foreign countries and cultures, and to face the challange of working with them in teams. In the last years, I traveled a lot and as a consequence I got to know many people from different countries and cultural backgrounds. I think the varying viewpoints, which people from different regions have, make life and study much more interesting, especially in business topics, which often do not have just one right opinion or answer.

Furthermore I am very attracted by the „Problem Based Learning“ system. PBL combines gaining soft skills and academic knowledge. I believe that working on concrete problems will help me to deal with the subjects taught in the master‘s program. During my bachelor‘s program in „Business Administration“ at the University of ***, I liked the problem-orientatated business cases very much, because of their combination of theory and practice. I also esteem the possibility to choose from several elective courses, so I can adapt part of the content to my own preferences. The small classes at the University of Maastricht are another reason for my interest, because in my point of view, the classes with hundredth of students at other universities are not adequate for studying effective.

During my studies at the University of *** I specialized in the area of „Banking and Finance“. I gained a deep insight into a bank‘s business, capital markets, derivates and risk management, which I enhanced during an internship at the „Sparkasse“, where I managed an own project, to increase the rentabilty of several headquarters.

In summary, it can be said, that I am very convinced of the University of Maastricht and the offered master program. I would be pleased to be part of the program, by contributing my high motivation, my ability to work in a team and my business knowledge.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerly,
Current Student
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Joined: 12 Nov 2008
Posts: 368
Schools: Ross (R2), Cornell (R3) , UNC (R3) , INSEAD (R1 Jan)
WE 1: Advisory (2 yrs)
WE 2: FP & Analysis (2 yrs at matriculation)
Followers: 21

Kudos [?]: 86 [0], given: 45

Re: Could you please help me correcting my LOM? [#permalink] New post 10 Jun 2010, 05:35
Have you considered having a professional look at this? I used editavenue.com for some of my application essays and am happy with the service they provided.
Re: Could you please help me correcting my LOM?   [#permalink] 10 Jun 2010, 05:35
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Could you please help me correcting my LOM?

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