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Dating Scene [#permalink] New post 13 Mar 2007, 09:20
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I'm sure the dating scene in bschool is more lively than any other graduate/professional schools. Here's a post from marquis at stanford. I thought it was quite insightful. I can't find the link, but here it is copy pasted:

It recently occurred to me that one subject I’d never written about in this blog is dating scene in business school. I guess the best way to approach this would be to break it into three categories and comment on each:

1. Single people:
- I started with this group because it is potentially the most complicated one to deal with. Most B-school students come in single and these people have any number of goals when it comes to school, including staying single and hitting the books, finding their perfect match and heading to the altar one day, taking the time to casually date, and using their new MBA pedigree to get as much action as possible. I have classmates that fall into all of those categories and saw mixed success with their goals. Rather than going into details on specific stories, I’ll just give some words of advice:

a. This is graduate school, not college, so be prepared to get your “grown and sexy” on…not your “drunk and stupid”. I know that drunken hook-ups were the big move in college, but that is not the case when you get to business school. Again, without going into details, I’ll just say that stories spread pretty quickly when you’re in an enclosed social environment like B-school, so it doesn’t looks good to be that person who goes out every week, gets drunk as a skunk, and ends up trying to mack on every prospect possible. We’re adults now, so, for the sake of your reputations, PLEASE try to act accordingly…people have long memories.

b. Be careful if you try to date within the business school because there is no guarantee that it will go well. I wouldn’t say that people are guaranteed to put your business out in the street, but, if that were to happen and you were the one who did wrong, you could end up looking like an ass to a decent percentage of your future network.

c. Don’t be afraid to venture out into the other graduate schools for dating prospects. I know a couple of people who have found success with prospects from other departments and I imagine that the conversations would be a lot more interesting if you are on a date with someone who won’t be talking about the topics you’ll hear all the time at school, like net present value, Porter’s Five Forces, and balance sheets.

d. It might seem cool to go after undergraduates, but you’d be better served not doing so. Chances are, it won’t take much game to pull one of them, but, when the word gets out that your 25+ year old self has been trying to go after 18-20 year olds, you’ll come off looking hella shady.

e. Professors are OFF LIMITS!!! I didn’t hear stories of anyone getting down with a professor this past year, but, in some cases, the profs can be around the same age as the students and there is always a possibility of something going down. I realize that this should go without saying, but some people might consider knocking off a prof as an accomplishment of some sort. As hard as it is to get into B-school, is it really worth messing up your grades to be able to say that you were able to get down with a faculty member?

f. Ladies, I know that this is a weird time for some of you because you may be in your mid to late 20’s, but please keep your standards as high as they normally would be and don’t put out the vibe that you’re looking for a man. Some guys will sense that and use it to their advantage to reel you in…only to cut you off later on. There are a lot of double standards out there and, although it isn’t fair, women have to be extra careful about how they are perceived when it comes to dating because a shaky reputation (whether earned or perceived) is very hard to change once it is established. Also, be on the lookout for guys who want to make you their meal-ticket…there are some really bootleg guys out there who want to find a woman to take care of them, so don’t let yourself be a victim. I know that y’all are grown and that this is a basic part of the game, but, when it comes to matters of the heart, it can get complicated and I’d be a foul dude if I didn’t at least warn you about this.

g. Fellas, if you’re going to make moves on MBA women, you’ve got to make sure that your game is as tight as possible or else you’ll be a sad, sad soul. It is likely that any woman that you become attracted to at school is as smart, if not smarter, than you and those old “I work at/as [insert big-time company or job title] and went to school at [insert big name university]”, “Hey, Miss Lady…”, and “Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he's missing an angel!” lines that used to work well for you just won’t cut it. Be as real and straight-forward as possible and get used to introducing YOURSELF and not your ACCOMPLISHMENTS because that will set you apart from the other cats at your school who are trying to holla at the same set of women…and don’t be that dude who tries to mack on every woman in your class because that will either have you looking skuzzy or lame. Also, be wary of those shark females…you know what I mean…those women who will get extra geeked about you when they find out you’re pursuing an MBA from a top school. I’ve heard (and seen for myself) how some women’s vibe changes when they find out about your schooling and, if that happens, take that as a sign to do like Saddam and retreat into a fox-hole. Some are trying to dig in your pockets and others are trying to get a wedding ring out of you, so make sure that any woman you deal with is checking for you and not your resume. I know that y’all are grown and that this is a basic part of the game, but, when it comes to matters of the booty, it can get complicated and I’d be turning my back on part of the “Fellas’ Charter” if I didn’t give these warnings :-)

2. People in committed relationships:
- It’s hard to tell what can happen with the people in this group. I’ve seen cross-country relationships stay as strong as ever with the student and the SO making do with monthly visits and regular phone calls. I’ve seen relationships that classmates had with people who were within a couple hours drive of campus fizzle in no time flat. At most B-schools, there is a day referred to as “Black Monday” (the first Monday after Thanksgiving), which is supposed to represent the first day of singlehood for people who started the school year in relationships who broke up with their SO’s over the holiday weekend. Everyone likely comes into school believing that they‘ll be one of the success stories, but things can switch quickly when you enter a place full of incredibly intelligent and driven people who can share experiences that you’ve never even fathomed before. One thing that I’ve learned is that the changes that one goes through while in school can either make a relationship stronger or lead someone to end their relationship. This is something that MUST be considered when deciding on whether to keep things going or not because I imagine that going through a break-up is hell when you’ve got class readings, assignments, and exams to worry about at the same time.

3. Married/Engaged people:
- I originally thought that this would be the group that would have the relationship game locked down because they’ve already made their commitments to a mate before coming to school. Unfortunately, I learned that these people have issues to deal with too. It seems that a lot of people underestimate the stress that being in business school and the time that it requires can have on a relationship. I had classmates who had to be in class all day and then in study group sessions all night and, all the while, their spouse was left at home alone often with kids to watch. I can think of some fantastic examples of classmates who put their families first and minimized the after-hours activities so they could be home for family time, but it had to have been a struggle to come to that decision because so many bonds are built with classmates over drinks and/or random dinners in the evening. If a couple has no kids and the mate is working, then it doesn’t seem to be that bad because the mate would have their own stuff going on too, but this isn’t always how it goes down for childless couples. I’ve heard stories of some international students who have SO’s who can’t work in the US because of visa issues, so they don’t really have much to do when the student is occupied. There is a strong couples network within the GSB and a lot of the wives/husbands of students know each other well and they do kick it, but I imagine that it has to be hard to be an SO of a student. I hope that all of the married/engaged soon-to-be students will have long conversations with their mates about this issue before matriculating this Fall.
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Re: Dating Scene [#permalink] New post 07 Apr 2009, 15:07
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Sometimes I wish I could be anonymous. :twisted:

Anyhow, I have a different perspective on this.

In school, there are usually a handful of guys who get a reputation for dating undergrads. And they get teased for it. It's mostly good natured ribbing, nothing too serious or indignant (at least when I was in school). And I hear you all about the "different stages of life" blah blah blah.

However, my view now is: WHO CARES.

If you want to, go for it. Seriously. You'll likely have a great time. Don't rationalize yourself out of doing something if your impulse takes you there.

This whole "different stages of life" also presupposes a lot -- that you guys with a few years' experience are that much more mature and "adult" than the undergrads.

And the truth is, you're not. You think you are, but you're not that grown up yet. Especially if you're still single or not yet married, believe me, you're not as grown up as you think.

Looking back at myself and a lot of my fellow classmates and peers, at least amongst the folks with no children, the only substantive difference between us and the undergrads was a bigger bank account, and a taste of the real world. But emotionally and mentally, we were still wrestling with many of the "who am I really?" identity issues that the undergrads faced. A lot of the base insecurities all the way from childhood remain. Yes, you have more exposure to the world, but are you really sure you know that much more about yourself as a person than you were in undergrad? A bit more perspective and maturity perhaps, but you're not *that* far removed from your undergrad days. You have the same kinds of neurosis, inferiority complexes, self image issues, parental issues, etc. that you've had since you were in junior high. You want to fit in, you want others to really like you, you really care what others think of you, and so forth. It's all normal. I've seen most people change the most after they've gotten married, and especially after they have children. Or something monumental in their lives - a death in the family, or some life-changing circumstance, or simply age (you won't be the same person in your late 30s or 40s).

A lot of MBAs seem to be torn between trying to relive their youth in school, and being in a huge rush to be "adult" and older than they are.

Most of you guys (and gals) are in your mid- to late-20s. Don't feel like you're in a rush to become an adult. Because when you're in your 40s, you'll wish you were a lot younger. Consider it an opportunity to do what you can't really do and to be what you can't be when you eventually become domesticated. :)

Not saying that everyone should date undergrads haha (or any undergrad) but don't presuppose that they're off limits or anything.

Also, if you are to date one, it's not because they want you to join them at some frat/sorority party or anything. They are hoping you can offer what the undergrad guys can't really offer. Which is a window into your world. Going to a nice restaurant. Going to nicer clubs. Maybe even something more cultured. They want to feel a little more adult, and being with you will make them feel that way. Of course, guys are just guys (whether a college dude or a grad school dude) - the desire and goals are the same - just the path to get there will change. :wink: As I said before, you aren't that much more mature in b-school than college (not as much as you think), but that illusion of maturity is what they are looking for in you. Of course, not every undergrad will want to date you (some will simply think "ewww. Old" but some will. Note I'm only speaking about guys - no idea how it works with women MBAs dating undergrad guys, or the gay scene (which is a whole other ballgame, no pun intended).

And if you're worried about "MBA network" or "reputation amongst your classmates" -- believe me no one will really care as much as you think. In fact, as time goes on quite a number whether they admit it or not would've wished they went after undergrads too when they had the chance. :-D
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 [#permalink] New post 13 Mar 2007, 13:53
Haha!

Awesome piece with a hip-hop vibe. "That hella tyte"

Thanks for sharing.
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 [#permalink] New post 13 Mar 2007, 17:05
This should be a Sticky! :idea: :!:
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 [#permalink] New post 15 Mar 2007, 07:30
I liked it - good insight - and I am definitely nervous about bringing a relationship to school. My GF will come with me, get a job etc - but I am not sure she understands the time committment involved on my part.
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 [#permalink] New post 15 Mar 2007, 09:51
hehe...nice post

I would disagree with 1d, though. I think a guy in his mid-20s going out with a ~20 y/o undergrad is pretty normal.

Maybe it's a cultural thing... :?
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 [#permalink] New post 15 Mar 2007, 10:09
Whenever a guy in his mid-20's dates a girl who's still an undergrad, I think most people I know consider it pretty sketchy. If I were dating an undergraduate girl, it wouldn't be for the conversation, so when I see a guy dating a younger girl, I always think it's pretty slimy.

Yes, that means that I'm being judgmental, I'm okay with that.
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 [#permalink] New post 15 Mar 2007, 10:11
I'm with artshep, I don't think younger MBA students like I will become this fall going out with undergrads is that bad. I'll be 25 when I start and I don't see a problem going out with some upperclassmen undergrads, definitely agree if someone was trying to hit up all the freshmen girls.
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 [#permalink] New post 15 Mar 2007, 10:20
Kdawg8 wrote:
I'm with artshep, I don't think younger MBA students like I will become this fall going out with undergrads is that bad. I'll be 25 when I start and I don't see a problem going out with some upperclassmen undergrads, definitely agree if someone was trying to hit up all the freshmen girls.


Personally I think anyone who is in grad school and dates an underclassman who is > Sophomore - is fine. I really dont see what the big deal is. People mature by the time they are juniors/seniors so whats the problem? Do these same people also think its weird for a 50 year old to be dating a 40 year old?
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 [#permalink] New post 15 Mar 2007, 10:58
I don't think it's weird for a 50 and 40 year old to date. But if they had dated when they were 20 and 10 that would have been weird.

I know there are exceptions, but in general the guys that I see that are older and are dating college girls are sort of "shooting fish in a barrel" because they have money since they're working, and usually the girl is just using the guy for his money while they guy uses the girl for a trophy or for the how you say sexy-time.

I know this is a big generalization and there are exceptions, but what I'm getting at is if I show up at school this fall and one of my classmates says, "Hey I'm going on a date with this 20 year old Biology major I met at the cafe," I would jump to the above conclusion right or wrong.
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 [#permalink] New post 15 Mar 2007, 17:43
Well, whether you are right or not is not the issue...

Let's say I'm that classmate on my way to see that 20 yr old bio major. Do you think I'm going to pause for even 1 second to care about what you think? I think there would only be 1 thing on my mind, if you know what I mean 8-)

Call me slimy all you want, but there's no better cure for school related stress than a little bit of sexy time with an energetic 20 yr old who's eager to please :lol:
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 [#permalink] New post 15 Mar 2007, 18:55
The point of 1D wasn't to preach whether it's ethical to go after an undergrad, it was that doing so has consequences, perhaps of irreparable harm.
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 [#permalink] New post 16 Mar 2007, 06:41
kidderek wrote:
The point of 1D wasn't to preach whether it's ethical to go after an undergrad, it was that doing so has consequences, perhaps of irreparable harm.


Yeah, I can see the harm in consistently and blatantly preying on the young ones. That could easily create a "slimy" or "sleezy" reputation for you. You might end up looking like 'Quagmire' from Family Guy.

Nevertheless, a serious, healthy relationship between a guy in his mid-20s and a girl in college is nothing abnormal. In fact, I think the age difference is pretty normal.
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 [#permalink] New post 16 Mar 2007, 07:33
I guess I should clarify/revise what I was saying:

I don't think it's unethical, and I don't think people should be that worried about what I think specifically, but they should be worried about the reputation they have among their classmates, because these are supposed to be part of their network for the rest of their careers.

So if Fluffydot is my classmate and I know he's a cool guy and he says, "Hey, I'm going on a date with a 20 year old," I'll be thinking, "Good for you, you lucky b*stard."

But, if there is a classmate that I don't know much about, but I do hear through the grapevine that he goes out to undergrad bars and picks up drunken 20 year olds on a regular basis, then I'm going to think he's like a sketchy Quagmire type.

I think we're all basically on the same page here: Dating someone younger isn't necessarily bad, as long as it isn't a predatory pattern that makes the guy look like a sleazebag.
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 [#permalink] New post 16 Mar 2007, 07:39
johnnyx9 wrote:
I guess I should clarify/revise what I was saying:

I don't think it's unethical, and I don't think people should be that worried about what I think specifically, but they should be worried about the reputation they have among their classmates, because these are supposed to be part of their network for the rest of their careers.

So if Fluffydot is my classmate and I know he's a cool guy and he says, "Hey, I'm going on a date with a 20 year old," I'll be thinking, "Good for you, you lucky b*stard."

But, if there is a classmate that I don't know much about, but I do hear through the grapevine that he goes out to undergrad bars and picks up drunken 20 year olds on a regular basis, then I'm going to think he's like a sketchy Quagmire type.

I think we're all basically on the same page here: Dating someone younger isn't necessarily bad, as long as it isn't a predatory pattern that makes the guy look like a sleazebag.


Right on...I think you summed it up pretty well there.
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 [#permalink] New post 16 Mar 2007, 07:46
artshep wrote:
Yeah, I can see the harm in consistently and blatantly preying on the young ones. That could easily create a "slimy" or "sleezy" reputation for you. You might end up looking like 'Quagmire' from Family Guy.


HAHAHAHA Quagmire, he brings creepiness to a new level.
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 [#permalink] New post 16 Mar 2007, 07:48
kidderek wrote:
artshep wrote:
Yeah, I can see the harm in consistently and blatantly preying on the young ones. That could easily create a "slimy" or "sleezy" reputation for you. You might end up looking like 'Quagmire' from Family Guy.


HAHAHAHA Quagmire, he brings creepiness to a new level.



Quagmire: "Hey, Meg, you 18 yet?"
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 [#permalink] New post 18 Mar 2007, 14:38
The "shooting fish in a barrel" analogy just made me crack up.

A buddy of mine who recenly graduated from Tuck said that dating undergrads was not frowned upon, but that "making the first move" WAS considered creepy by most.
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 [#permalink] New post 19 Mar 2007, 17:33
Both me and my fiancee want to get into the same mba program. Hopefully we can get into the same school so we don't have to deal with this crap
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 [#permalink] New post 20 Mar 2007, 11:53
nice post...

i fall in the worst category possible...international student with spouse on dependant visa and hence not allowed to work.

though my wife is pretty excited about my getting into the b-school (yes...she is more excited than i am), i don't think she realizes the kind of situation she will be getting into :roll:

I will forward this post to her :wink:
  [#permalink] 20 Mar 2007, 11:53
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