GMAT in 3 days ! request ur reviews on my essay. Thanks :) : Analytical Writing Assessment (AWA)
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# GMAT in 3 days ! request ur reviews on my essay. Thanks :)

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Joined: 06 Apr 2013
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GMAT in 3 days ! request ur reviews on my essay. Thanks :) [#permalink]

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20 Oct 2013, 22:31
The following was used as part of an internet advertising company's appeal to businesses: Furniture Depot employed our internet advertising company to help. Since then its sales increased by 10% over last year's totals. Furniture Depot's success demonstrates how using our internet services can increase your profitability.

Describe how well reasoned you find this argument.....

"The argument outlines the events in the following manner: The Furniture Depot employed Internet advertising company for some help in its business and the Furniture Depot's sales increased by 10% over last year. The author then concludes that since Furniture Depot employed his internet advertising company, this lead to increase in furniture depot's sales. While there seems to be some merit in author's claim but the author's conclusion is undermined by the lack of data to support causal link between these events. Specifically, the author doesn't illustrate that what services were provided by the Internet Company to the Furniture Depot nor does he establish that how these services were helpful to increase sales.

Firstly, the author fails to explain that the Furniture depot took the Internet Company's advice specifically for which department and for what duration. No reasoning is given as to what led to increase in the sales of the furniture depot. Perhaps the internet company was just hired for a month's time for a specific event in the depot, which may or may not have led to increase in its sales or may be the internet company's advice caused some increase in the sales of furniture depot. It is difficult to evaluate the role of Internet Company’s services in the absence of relevant information and statistics.

Another issue to be addressed is that the author presents the instance of Furniture Depot’s success as an evidence to conclude that the internet company's services can increase any business's profitability. Further information such as, were the Internet Company’s services a one time assignment or are these on ongoing basis and has the sales of the furniture depot been growing year on year basis, is required to ascertain the claim. In order to solidify the conclusion, the author needs to demonstrate that the results of the services provided by the internet company are still true in the present day situation and haven’t altered for the worse.

Finally, the argument concludes that using internet company's services can increase profitability of businesses. This statement is a stretch and it's certainly not clear that how the services of Internet Company may be helpful for businesses in different industries. The author's conclusion will be better served by establishing what all are the offerings of the internet company and how these can be helpful in increasing profitability of businesses of its prospective clients. Without supporting evidence and examples, one is left with the impression that the claim is more of a wishful thinking rather than substantive evidence. As a result, this argument has no legs to stand on.

While the author does presents beginning of a case that his internet company's services may increase profitability of businesses, there are some flaws in the argument which weaken the author's conclusion. As we saw in our examples above that the author fails to demonstrate as to how the services of Internet Company helped to increase sales of the Furniture Depot and whether these services were the primary cause of increased sales. Further, the author did not present some evidence to support that the results are true in the present day situation or is the increase still continuing. Certainly there's more to explore here and the author may be correct in indicating that the Internet Company’s services do help businesses grow their profitability; the author just needs to provide some additional evidence to establish his claims."
GMAT in 3 days ! request ur reviews on my essay. Thanks :)   [#permalink] 20 Oct 2013, 22:31
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