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Essay review - MSc in finance

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Essay review - MSc in finance [#permalink] New post 28 Nov 2013, 15:41
I need some help to review my essay draft. This is only the first paragraph of my first draft. I feel it is a bit too dense maybe. With not so good sentence structure and wording. I am also wondering if it gets too unpersonal.

Any comments would be much appreciated. Thanks!


Please write a statement of your current academic and future career plans as they relate to the Princeton department to which you are applying. In doing so, please cite relevant academic, professional, and personal experiences that motivate you to apply for a graduate degree. Your statement should not exceed 1,000 words and must be written in English.


I want an MSc in Finance at Princeton University because it enables me to pursue my post-graduation goals in the Investment Banking industry either in New York or Tokyo for a top-tier bank as an analyst in the High Yield Distressed Debt Investing Division or as a trader in the Fixed Income, Currency, and Commodities division. After searching the Internet and speaking to friends in the industry I think that now is the right time to pursue a career in this field; not only do Princeton have a high placement rate after graduation in NY, but also the employment rate for graduates in the industry have increased these last years, despite an overall decrease of employment in the industry. I think these sectors are facing incredibly interesting times as the bond market in particular, both governmental and corporate, have rising issues all over the place. With an education from Princeton that touches on a broad range within the finance subject, but still more specific and specialization-oriented than an MBA-program, I feel that I can be a part of the solution and the changing trends within the industry.
Even though I have experience from Europe and Asia, which are invaluable experiences, this alone will not expose me to the tasks and assignments I want to work on in the future. However, an MSc from Princeton can change this, I can gain valuable formal training needed in areas such as behavioral finance, corporate finance, financial engineering, and stochastic calculus that is quintessential for the industry in question and are the fundamentals that I need to achieve my goals.
Also, the small classrooms and the close interaction one gets between classmates and professors can help me develop on a personal level. I find this kind of environment more rewarding than large classrooms where it is difficult to connect with others, like my previous school. This specific curriculum and close interaction will expose me to different sets of skills and approaches to problem solving, and give me the relevant experience and skill set to meet my future career aspirations.
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Re: Essay review - MSc in finance [#permalink] New post 11 Dec 2013, 22:43
Please refer a good essay writing service
Re: Essay review - MSc in finance   [#permalink] 11 Dec 2013, 22:43
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