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Experts - Please Rate my Essay - Exam in 2 weeks - Thanks!!

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Experts - Please Rate my Essay - Exam in 2 weeks - Thanks!! [#permalink] New post 17 Oct 2013, 08:54
"Americans spend far too much of their time buying and consuming non-essential goods. Studies show that, on average Americans spend over a quarter of their leisure time shopping. As such, it is no secret why America is losing its competitive edge relative to other countries. Instead of spending their time productively, Americans are wasting time through frivolous consumption. In order to counteract this trend, Americans should spend more time focused on personal and communal development--by, for example, pursuing educational advancement or participating in volunteer opportunities."
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Argument says Americans spend far too much time buying and consuming non-essential goods and studies show on average Americans spend over a quarter of their leisure time shopping. Based on this author concludes America is losing its competitive edge relative to other countries. Author suggests instead of spending their time productively Americans are wasting time through frivolous consumption. In order to counteract this trend, Author is suggesting Americans should spend more time focused on personal and communal development by pursuing educational advancement or participating in volunteer opportunities.

Firstly, argument is flawed because author seems to extrapolate the average number. Argument says average Americans spend over a quarter of their leisure time shopping. For example, there may be majority of Americans not doing so but few Americans are spending most of their time in shopping that would distort the average American time spent on shopping hence to conclude, based on this average, that America is loosing its competitive edge doesn't stand on its own

Secondly, author assumes quarter of leisure time of Americans spent on shopping is disadvantageous and waste of time, however, he seems to fail to take into account positive side of this. As Americans are spending time in shopping, this is boosting the economy, providing jobs to many and keeping people busy. May be if Americans do not spend time shopping they may indulge in other activities such as criminal, anti-social that can hurt economy and society is much worst way.

Thirdly, author is suggesting Americans to spend time on personal and communal development by pursuing educational advancement or picking up some volunteer activities. Again, author didn't take into account the geography or state of Americans. May be the place where survey was conducted do not have any volunteering opportunities, in addition, may be people who are spending their leisure time in shopping do not have options for advance education or they are not opting for that due to financial reasons.

To conclude, argument did not consider facts & figures and, also, all the positives and negatives aspects of the trend before coming to conclusion. In current state, argument doesn't stand on its own and could have been framed in much better and realistic manner if author had delved deeper into details.
Experts - Please Rate my Essay - Exam in 2 weeks - Thanks!!   [#permalink] 17 Oct 2013, 08:54
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