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Experts pls help in rating my first ever AWA

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Experts pls help in rating my first ever AWA [#permalink] New post 29 Sep 2013, 13:03
Excelsior Company plans to introduce new product line of own coffee brand. The argument claims success of the plan based on the introductory strategy used by the leading coffee company, Superior. Argument states that by conducting temporary sales promotion that offers free samples, price reductions, and discount coupons will be the best way for Excelsior to gain customers, as they was for Superior. The argument is flawed in its assumption and its reasoning in two ways.

First, the argument is based on the assumption that Excelsior is supposed to achieve same results as that of Superior, by simply following the strategy used by Superior. It fails to account for situational contigencies such as, different sales team, different clientele, different location, different product quality, different operational logistics and finally different operational management. If all these parameters fail to perform exactly tin he same way as they did for Superior, then the positive output of introducing such strategy is completely flawed.

Second, the argument fails to account for validity of comparison between Excelsior and Superior. Superior is a leading coffee company, it is a specialist, while Excelsior is a new entrant in the industry. It is very much possible, that when Superior introduced a new brand in its existing line of coffees, it already had a huge customer base and high market share, which must have advantaged Superior. Excelsior on the other hand, will not have such advantage, thus using same strategy may not result in the same output.

Third, the size of the compared organizations is not discussed in the argument. Argument mentions of the strategy used by Superior, but it does not mention explicitly the output of such strategy. Possibly this strategy did not work very well for Superior, but owing to the existing revenue potential of the company from its other brands, its loss was not reflected minutely. On the contrary, if Excelsior does not have similar existing revenue potential, then using same strategy may impact the bottom line of the revenue figures negatively.

Overally, the argument takes a very generalized approach and fails to discuss some key points to support its claim. If the argument exemplifies its claims and reasons the aforementioned concerns, it is likely that the argument can be strengthened.
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Re: Experts pls help in rating my first ever AWA [#permalink] New post 30 Sep 2013, 17:47
Expert's post
I really like the 5 paragraph structure -- I'd probably say this is a 4.5-5.0. If you wanted to go higher, I'd encourage one-two more sentences per paragraph to add a little depth. But, you are at a really good place if this is your first run.

Congrats!
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Brian Lange | Manhattan GMAT Instructor | North Carolina


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Re: Experts pls help in rating my first ever AWA [#permalink] New post 01 Oct 2013, 05:03
brianlange77 wrote:
I really like the 5 paragraph structure -- I'd probably say this is a 4.5-5.0. If you wanted to go higher, I'd encourage one-two more sentences per paragraph to add a little depth. But, you are at a really good place if this is your first run.

Congrats!


Many thanks Brian. I have taken due note of your suggestion. A quick check - will I need to restrict my word limit strictly to 250 words, or do I get a leeway? Also, will citing examples give the content more depth? If yes, does the example need to be exacto - meaning it should provide real life proven facts or can I make my own examples to suit the argument? Lastly, how important are the quality of words in the essay - I have a tendency to write easy, do I need to learn incorporating "big" words?

Your answers will be of great help

Regards
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Re: Experts pls help in rating my first ever AWA [#permalink] New post 26 Oct 2013, 18:23
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I wouldn't worry so much about limiting to 250. Examples do in fact make your writing more interesting and specific -- so, the more you can do there the better. There won't be a fact-checker, so your examples can be what you want them to be. Variation in word/sentence length can only help with score performance.

Good luck!!

-Brian

bev wrote:
brianlange77 wrote:
I really like the 5 paragraph structure -- I'd probably say this is a 4.5-5.0. If you wanted to go higher, I'd encourage one-two more sentences per paragraph to add a little depth. But, you are at a really good place if this is your first run.

Congrats!


Many thanks Brian. I have taken due note of your suggestion. A quick check - will I need to restrict my word limit strictly to 250 words, or do I get a leeway? Also, will citing examples give the content more depth? If yes, does the example need to be exacto - meaning it should provide real life proven facts or can I make my own examples to suit the argument? Lastly, how important are the quality of words in the essay - I have a tendency to write easy, do I need to learn incorporating "big" words?

Your answers will be of great help

Regards

_________________


Brian Lange | Manhattan GMAT Instructor | North Carolina


Manhattan GMAT Discount | Manhattan GMAT Course Reviews | View Instructor Profile

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Re: Experts pls help in rating my first ever AWA [#permalink] New post 13 Apr 2014, 02:02
Hi Brian,

I'm posting mine as a reply. Please do read and rate my essay. Thank you very much.

Hi!

Could you please score my AWA essay? I would appreciate specifics on the reasoning, flaw selection, etc., along with the score. Thank you very much.

“Our promotional price reductions on energy drinks have been highly successful, as we have seen a dramatic increase in unit sales. Further, surveys of our consumers indicate that this promotion was favorably received by the majority of our customers. Therefore, to improve our company’s profitability and enhance its perception in the eyes of consumers, similar price reductions should be offered on all drinks produced by our firm.”

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.


MY RESPONSE:
The manufacturer's conclusion that reducing prices of all drinks would increase the company's profitability and enhance its perception in the eyes of its consumers is based on many questionable factors and there is little factual evidence to substantiate the inference.

Firstly, the manufacturer presumes that the promotional price reductions caused the increase in unit sales and states nothing to provide support for this assumption. Some other factor could very well be the driving force in increasing sales. For instance, if the unit sales of energy drinks has increased across all companies that manufacture energy drinks then something else other than the drop in price is the cause it. The author can strengthen this evidence by providing evidence that shows that the price reduction is indeed the cause.

Secondly, the author fails to mentions any details of the data set that was used for the survey, so it is likely that the consumers who took the survey were not well representative of the entire consumer base. For example, if the number was actually considerably smaller than the actual consumer base then it is insufficient to draw conclusion based on the data collected. Further, the survey could have targeted only the consumers who were price sensitive thereby producing biased results. The author should have provided information on how the survey was conducted.

Thirdly, nothing is mentioned about the margins on all the drinks. Perhaps some have lower margins than others which would ultimately result in a loss. Also, nothing is mentioned about the length of the promotion, which is also a crucial factor to consider.

Lastly, dropping prices of all drinks could result in consumers doubting the quality of product and may seem desperate and this would have an adverse effect.

Based on the above mentioned points, the conclusion drawn by the manufacturer is weak.

Please do reply. Thanks! :-D
Re: Experts pls help in rating my first ever AWA   [#permalink] 13 Apr 2014, 02:02
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