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Feedback need on Analysis of Issue

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Feedback need on Analysis of Issue [#permalink] New post 08 Aug 2010, 02:14
Topic
“There is only one definition of success — to be able to spend your life in your
own way.”
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this definition of success? Support
your position by using reasons and examples from your reading, your own
experience, or your observation of others.

Answer
Success is a vast phenomenon, which has many aspects related to it. The author defines success simply as the ability to spend one’s life in his or her own way. The definition is not only too limited in its scope, but also suffers from few other aspects. To me this definition has serious lacking and flaws, and in the light of the same I disagree with author’s view.

The primary problem with the definition is the limited scope and applicability. The first important aspect of success is that it’s positive in nature. The author, however, has not tried to emphasize on this key important aspect. His plain words also imply that many terrorists and criminals are also successful.
To be successful one has to go through lots of problems and desperations. Its one’s continued perseverance which determines whether he can achieve his ambition. Hence there is a great degree of likelihood that in pursuit of his dreams, one has to sacrifice a lot and will not be able to live his life the way he wanted to. A great example of the same is Mahatma Gandhi, who went through lot of pain and sufferings in his pursuit to achieve freedom for India. However, if we testify him with author’s words, he might stand as unsuccessful.
Success in many fields, is accompanied with Glory and stardom, and in most such situation, the person’s freedom and his personal life becomes victim of his success. Classic examples would be Movies or Sports. Most of the actors and sports person, because of their success, lose their freedom. It’s tough for them to move freely in public places or enjoy the mundane things in life. Yet they are highly successful.
In many fields there are various parameters to judge whether a person is successful. For e.g in Business its Money one has earned, in Arts its one’s creativity, in Science it’s the new perspective or theory which one has developed, etc. Hence, it’s a mistake to pinpoint only freedom as the only aspect of being successful.
In sum, the mentioned definition is too limited in scope and needs a lot of work to be done on the same.
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Re: Feedback need on Analysis of Issue [#permalink] New post 10 Aug 2010, 13:31
your introduction should state the reasons why you disagree with the author - i do see a bit here and there but they should be together. Also the main body paragraph is a bit of a mess. You state the primary reason but the rest of the paragraph you don't really state secondary reason explicitly but just jump on it. I think it is better to follow a format like "First of all, secondly, finally" - at least make your new reasons obvious to the reader. I would also expand the reasons/examples a bit - at current state it is like 2 sentences per reason - they should be fleshed out a little more.
The ghandi example i am not so sure of - ghandi did spend his life "his own way" - no one forced him to do what he did. Sure he had hardships but he chose that path thus it is "his own way".

I am not sure if your conclusion starts at "In sum" or "In many fields". If it is "In many fields" you shouldnt really introduce new ideas but you should just reiterate your body paragraphs. You should also mention what the author stated not just "the mentioned definition".
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Re: Feedback need on Analysis of Issue   [#permalink] 10 Aug 2010, 13:31
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