First attempt at an AWA Essay - Need expert review : Analytical Writing Assessment (AWA)
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# First attempt at an AWA Essay - Need expert review

Author Message
Intern
Joined: 30 May 2013
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First attempt at an AWA Essay - Need expert review [#permalink]

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02 Sep 2013, 15:49
Q>
Over the past two years, our website has converted a consistent 3% of its visitors into sales, with very little
fluctuation. Clearly, then, our goal for the upcoming year should be to raise the number of visitors to our site by any
means necessary. If we can double our number of visitors by casting a wider net on pay-per-click advertising and by
creating site content that is more search-engine friendly, we'll double our sales.

Ans>
The author's argument that by increasing the number of visitors to their website by two folds, their sales will double as
well is flawed. The assumes that the sales for the past two years give enough data to forecast future sales. Furthermore,
the author implies that by using the two mentioned methods of increasing the number of visitors (a wider net on pay-per-
click advertising and more search-engine friendly site content) will have the necessary effects.

First, the author's assumption that the data from the sales of past two years is evidence enough to predict future sales
is incorrect. The author fails to take into account current market conditions and compare them with those of the past two
years. What if there is a recession in the market and the visitors do not have enough buying power. Then even if the
number of visitors are increased, there is no telling if the website will still have a consistent 3% sale from its
visitors.

Second, the author's conclusion that their sales will be doubled upon doubling the number of visitors is based upon
insufficient premises. There is no way of predicting whether the new advertisement methods of casting a wider net on pay-
per-click will attract any new visitors to the website.

The argument can be strengthened if the author provides more data about current market situation and compare it to
previous years. It can also be strengthened by using moderately strong words for the conclusion such as - "We may be able
to double our sales by increasing the number of visitors to two folds". As it stands, however, the argument is weak and
flawed for the reasons stated.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please review and let me know where and how I can improve. I had difficulty finding too flaws in this argument.

Princeton Review Representative
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Re: First attempt at an AWA Essay - Need expert review [#permalink]

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05 Sep 2013, 03:10
Adi - this is a good start but needs a bit of work to get top scores.

your introduction should contain a short dissection of the argument - mentioning the author's reasoning and be a little more clear on the fact that you are discussing the logical flaws - as written it is OK but feels like it is "missing something."

Your body paragraphs have good topic sentences a basic analysis but could be improved by including 2 -4 sentences of explanation, your second body paragraph seems conspicuously short.

It is fine to mention how to strengthen the argument in it's own paragraph but the essay should also contain a conclusion paragraph that is separate. As written I would give this essay a 3 or 3.5
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Intern
Joined: 30 May 2013
Posts: 13
Followers: 0

Kudos [?]: 6 [0], given: 2

Re: First attempt at an AWA Essay - Need expert review [#permalink]

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05 Sep 2013, 04:05

What should the conclusion paragraph be like? And yes the second para is short because I could not think of any other flaw or explanation

I will try a few more essays and hopefully I will improve.

Thanks,

BeckyRobinsonTPR wrote:
Adi - this is a good start but needs a bit of work to get top scores.

your introduction should contain a short dissection of the argument - mentioning the author's reasoning and be a little more clear on the fact that you are discussing the logical flaws - as written it is OK but feels like it is "missing something."

Your body paragraphs have good topic sentences a basic analysis but could be improved by including 2 -4 sentences of explanation, your second body paragraph seems conspicuously short.

It is fine to mention how to strengthen the argument in it's own paragraph but the essay should also contain a conclusion paragraph that is separate. As written I would give this essay a 3 or 3.5
Re: First attempt at an AWA Essay - Need expert review   [#permalink] 05 Sep 2013, 04:05
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