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First attempt at AWA. Grade my essay please? Thank you.

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First attempt at AWA. Grade my essay please? Thank you. [#permalink] New post 17 Jun 2013, 13:59
I would be so very grateful if I could get any tips or a rough score for these. I've just started writing these under the time constraint so I really would love any help I could get. Thank you!

ARGUMENT TASK:
College students should base their choice of a field of study on the availability of jobs in that field.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

In the recent developments of the economy, job security has become a rising issue for not only college graduates but for college and even high school students as well. Many students in choosing their field of study, lean toward those fields that have a higher job availability, believing that it will provide them with more job security and a better economical position for their future. This, in fact is not at all the case. Higher job availability is not equivalent to higher job security for the individual. There are many factors that one must consider when discussing job security besides simply the number of positions available in the field, such as required educational background, proficiency, as well as a passion for that field and work that is involved.
For example, when discussing one individual’s ability to maintain a position in a company, one of the biggest factors is proficiency. Essentially, we must ask “Are you good at what you do?” Those that are truly proficient as well as efficient in completing their tasks will naturally earn the most stable and secure positions as an individual of great value and are viewed as an asset to the company. Many students, for example, become accountants or lawyers because recent statistics have shown increasing demand in the field. Given increased flow of recent college graduates caused by the high demand, an individual who is not proficient can easily be replaced, hence threatening the security of that position.
Many other fields, such as medicine, are also in high demand for certified individuals. We must, in this case, ask why there is increased job availability in this area. A recent article published in the New York Times talks about the amount of education as well as financial load of those who decide to enter the veterinary professions and indeed, this is the largest factor why doctors and veterinarians are always needed despite the condition of the economy. These medical professionals require a minimum of eight years of education, including an undergraduate degree, a medical/veterinary degree, and then a residency. This means that most of these students will be in their late 20s if not early 30s before they can enter the industry as a certified individual. They must also consider the enormous financial undertaking of over $200,000 average in undergraduate as well as medical school loans. On top of all that, they must also consider if they will make it through it all. There is always a question as an undergraduate whether or not medical school is an option given academic performance. Surely, these should all be important factors that a college student should take into account when choosing a field of study.
Similarly, in asking why a field is desirable, a college student will need to consider the possibility that there is a need for individuals in a certain field because it is not contain the most desirable jobs on the market. We can consider farm workers or even farm veterinarians. Many college students entering the veterinary profession fail to take into account that the largest demand for veterinarians are in rural areas, treating large flocks of animals and offering advice to farmers and working in industry and not in a private, small animal practice. These veterinarians have a significantly lower salary of between $40,000-$50,000 per year, as compared to the urban small animal veterinarians that have an annual salary of up to $90,000 per year. Most students enter their undergraduate careers interested in treating dogs and cats but find that not only is it difficult to make it into and out of veterinary school, it is also not where the demand truly is.
In considering the factors of why a certain field offers a high job availability is very important for one to choose a field of study. It is just as important if not more so than the actual availability of jobs itself. Job availability can be deceptive in its numbers because few take into account the characteristics and requirements of each field.




ISSUE TASK:

Prompt: Twenty years ago, Dr. Field, a noted anthropologist, visited the island of Tertia. Using an observation-centered approach to studying Tertian culture, he concluded from his observations that children in Tertia were reared by an entire village rather than by their own biological parents. Recently another anthropologist, Dr. Karp, visited the group of islands that includes Tertia and used the interview-centered method to study child-rearing practices. In the interviews that Dr. Karp conducted with children living in this group of islands, the children spent much more time talking about their biological parents than about other adults in the village. Dr. Karp decided that Dr. Field's conclusion about Tertian village culture must be invalid. Some anthropologists recommend that to obtain accurate information on Tertian child-rearing practices, future research on the subject should be conducted via the interview-centered method.
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

In recommending a future research method, anthropologists need to consider many other factors than simply the results of two individual studies. There are many assumptions being made order to conclude that interviewing the individuals of the culture is the best path toward accurate and precise answers. Cultural differences, experimental design and the background of the anthropologist conducting the study are all very important issues that must be taken into account before making a recommendation.
We must first consider, for example, the nature of the two experiments. Dr. Field’s study consisted only of the Tertian culture, focusing on their habits and child-rearing practices as a group. In any observation-based study, we must ask if his observations are indeed accurate. If Dr. Field is not familiar with the Tertian language or the context of the rest of their culture, his observations of behaviors, although accurate in the documentation of actions, can be misinterpreted. We may consider a similar example that in American culture, two men holding hands is very rare except in the case a romantic relationship between those two individuals. An American travelling to India, however, will find that many men hold hands with very close friends without any romantic connection. In not understanding the culture, however the American may interpret this as an increased number of homosexual individuals in India, when, this is actually not the case. Depending on Dr. Field’s level of familiarity with the culture we can determine whether or not his result is valid and, in turn, whether or not the recommendation can be taken to be useful.
In analyzing the conclusion of the second experiment, we also notice that there are some flaws in the conclusion made by anthropologists. Dr. Karp’s study includes a group of islands that, although including Tertia, extends beyond the scope of only Tertian culture. It is important to realize that it is certainly possible for Tertia to contain an isolated population of individuals that raise their children as a community, while the rest of the individuals on the other studied islands have children raise by their biological parents. This could result in Dr. Karps conclusion that the children spent most of the time talking about their biological parents but because the Tertian culture only contained a small part of his research data, it was not noticed that it was different from the rest of his study. If Tertian culture is indeed isolated in this manner, then the recommendation is very flawed and Dr. Field’s results can be considered to have validity.
We must also raise the question of how the interviews were conducted by Dr. Karp. If his study was mainly focused on the connection of children to their biological parents in these islands, then it is possible that most of his questions for the children centered around their relationship to their biological parents, leading them to talk about them more despite a community child-rearing effort.
These major questions on experimental design and anthropological background need to be answered before anthropologists can make a valid and educated recommendation about the best method to use for studying other cultures. At this point in time, with the information provided above, we cannot know for certain which of the studies are more valid in study Tertian culture.
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Re: First attempt at AWA. Grade my essay please? Thank you. [#permalink] New post 19 Jun 2013, 08:29
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I am happy to help you with your essay. First, let me inform you that the issue task has been removed from teh GMAT in favor of the integrated reasoning section. However, you seem to have your topics mislabled - the one you have labeled issue is actually the argument task. In light of this I am giving you feedback on your essay labled "issue"

The body paragraphs of this essay are well constructed and reasoned. If you had more time you could have elaborated on your third body paragraph. The introduction of this seems a little stiff and improving its flow to match the rest of the essay may yield a higher score. overall I would probably give this essay a 5.

Hope that helps
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Re: First attempt at AWA. Grade my essay please? Thank you.   [#permalink] 19 Jun 2013, 08:29
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