Nice post, river! +1. I've been thinking about this stuff a lot because I'm very curious as to how well I'll fit in at bschool when I go. Here are a few random thoughts...
This discussion of feeling inadequate relative to your peers reminds me
so much of my pre-college worries. When I got into my top choice school I was thrilled at first, but then I got really scared. I knew I was a hotshot in high school, but I was convinced that geniuses in college would run circles around me. I was super nervous for my first exams and felt like I had to prove that I belonged at that school. Looking back that all seems so comical, now that I'm in grad school and take classes so much less seriously.
I don't want to blame Al Gore's Internet, but I think forums like this were what stoked my fears back then. I read about all the 1600 SATs, published researchers, and Kilimanjaro-climbers who got rejected, and I thought, "I'm nothing compared to them." But if you really trust that the admissions office doesn't make mistakes (as they told us
) and you have a reason to be at your school, you'll find your niche. Yes, I got my butt kicked sometimes in college (which never happened in HS), and yeah I was torn up about it, but sometimes I really excelled. You just need to know what your unique strengths are--you have them, and so does everyone else.
I had a very very low "stupid question" threshold in classes and office hours and I just asked anything that came to mind, if I couldn't figure it out after giving it some thought. Well, I found out that my professors, TAs, and classmates really appreciated that. Everyone says there's no such thing as a stupid question; that might not be strictly true, but the fact is, if you're smart enough to get into HBS, GSB, etc., you will ask good questions. I think this fear of coming across as dumb exists at any super-competitive school (undergrad, bschool, law, or whatever). I had several friends confide this concern to me, even though I knew they were really bright people.
The effort of keeping up appearances does take its toll. I found out (after years of knowing them) that some of my friends were on antidepressants. I still remember those freshman year bonding activities when people would reveal that their family lives were in shambles, or they were gay but couldn't tell their parents, or felt like they had no friends, or had gotten an STD. I thought, these people are some of the most talented folks in the world, yet they're so vulnerable and mortal just like everyone else.
People have problems, maybe especially so in competitive environments because their fear of seeming inferior only adds to those problems.
OK, I know that had nothing to do with bschool specifically, but I still think it applies, since all the worries and concerns now sound exactly the same as the college ones did. Add a spouse/kids and the extra pressure of having had a career before bschool and it probably only gets worse...