GMAT Day after. Please rate my AWA. Final Attempt... : Analytical Writing Assessment (AWA)
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# GMAT Day after. Please rate my AWA. Final Attempt...

Author Message
Manager
Joined: 22 Apr 2013
Posts: 95
Location: India
Concentration: Finance
GMAT 1: 660 Q48 V33
Followers: 1

Kudos [?]: 68 [0], given: 32

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30 Sep 2013, 04:22
Hi,

Please rate my AWA. This is my last attempt before the exam.

The following appeared as part of a campaign to sell advertising time on a local radio station to local businesses:

“The Cumquat Café began advertising on our local radio station this year and was delighted to see its business
increase by 10 percent over last year’s totals. Their success shows you how you can use radio advertising to make

Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

The author of this argument claims that radio advertising can make a business more profitable. This claim is based on the fact that Cumquat Cafe's business increased by 10% over last year's totals after it began to advertise on the local radio station. However on a deeper analysis, it is evident that certain relevant aspects have not been taken into account, leading to a number of mistaken assumptions and logical flaws.

Another statement, significantly weakening the argument is that the author does not specify what does the increase in business over last year's totals means. The increase perhaps is an increase in popularity, profits, revenues, customers. The author assumes that an increase in any of such factors would lead to a more profitable business. For example, if the cafe had 100 customers who spent an average of $10 last year. The total revenue for the cafe would be$1000. An increase of 10% in customers would be 110 customers but if the average spending of the customer is $5 then the total revenue would be$550. This shows the revenue would be less than last year and perhaps the profits would also be less. To overcome this flaw, the author should provide more data on the increase and how it has affected the profits of Cumquat Cafe.

The author also wrongly assumes that radio advertising is the sole cause that has led to an increase in business. While radio advertising could be one of the factors but there could be other such factors such as better quality in food, more outlets opened in the city, better services, a competitor closed down its stores. For example, if a direct competitor closed down its store, which was more successful than Cumquat Cafe then the customers that went there before would now come to Cumquat Cafe. To make this argument more valid, the author should conduct an analysis on all the market factors that has led to the increase compared with last year.

After closer examination of the passage presented, it is apparent that there are several logical flaws in the author's attempt to show that radio advertising can make any business more profitable. The recommendations in the essay show how the argument may be strengthened and logically sound.
Moderator
Status: It always seems impossible until it's done!!
Joined: 29 Aug 2012
Posts: 711
Location: India
GMAT 1: 680 Q49 V34
Followers: 60

Kudos [?]: 1031 [1] , given: 226

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30 Sep 2013, 04:36
1
KUDOS
Hi

Well written, The essay is almost 500 words i guess.

You have attacked the assumptions and premises well with examples. The essay is well structured.

I would rate this essay as 5.

Although just for improvement, i can tell you to make the intro and conclusion more stronger. Try to increase the words to 550 to 600 if possible, these 2 will make your essay fetch 5.5 or 6.

All the best for the exam
_________________
Manager
Joined: 22 Apr 2013
Posts: 95
Location: India
Concentration: Finance
GMAT 1: 660 Q48 V33
Followers: 1

Kudos [?]: 68 [0], given: 32

### Show Tags

30 Sep 2013, 21:00
Thanks.

I will put remember your feedback when I am writing the essay tomorrow.
Re: GMAT Day after. Please rate my AWA. Final Attempt...   [#permalink] 30 Sep 2013, 21:00
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