GMAT in 3 days, Please review my AWA : Analytical Writing Assessment (AWA)
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GMAT in 3 days, Please review my AWA

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07 Jun 2013, 15:38
Hello good people of GMATClub! I have my exam scheduled in 3 days so I am starting to freak out a bit. I've actually ignored the AWA in my preparation up until now so any quick feedback will be much appreciated considering this is my first essay.
I chose a random topic such that I'm not at an advantage because of any sample essays I may have read. I am aware of a few things I could have worded better but decided to make no changes beyond the 30minute mark in order to simulate the real experience.

The following appeared in the editorial section of a corporate newsletter.
“The common notion that workers are generally apathetic about management issues is false, or at least outdated: a recently published survey indicates that 79 percent of the nearly 1,200 workers who responded to survey questionnaires expressed a high level of interest in the topics of corporate restructuring and redesign of benefits programs.”
Discuss how well reasoned... etc.

The argument states that the common notion that workers are apathetic about management issues is false or at the very least outdated. This conclusion is based on the premise of a recently published survey that indicates that 79 percent of the responding 1200 workers expressed high interest in corporate restructuring and redesign of benefits programs. The argument is making a few key assumptions that may not necessarily be valid. For instance, there is no evidence to suggest that the 1200 interviewed workers are a representative sample of workers in general. Additionally, the author assumes that the cited interest in corporate restructuring and redesign of benefits programs indicates interest in management issues. Finally, the argument assumes that the questions in the questionnaire were adequate at determining interest in management issues.

First, the argument assumes that the participants in the survey are a representative sample of workers in general and thus the conclusion can be made. In order for such evidence to be valid, the participants should be from a wide range of backgrounds in terms of industry of employment, geographic location, age, skill set, education etc. For example, it is likely that if the survey were conducted entirely with low skilled workers employed in the coal mining industry, fewer people would have expressed interest in management issues. Conversely, if the survey were conducted with participants entirely employed in the banking industry it may very well be the case that all people are interested in such issues.

Furthermore, the author assumes that the cited interest in corporate restructuring and redesign of benefits directly corresponds to an interest in management issues. The argument fails to consider the possibility that this interest may well be because of personal reasons and not because of a genuine interest in management. For example, a recent downturn in the economy nationwide may have the workers worried for any changes in the size of their pension. Consequently, workers will be inclined to be interested in any redesign of benefits entirely as a result of selfish reasons.

Finally, the argument assumes that all questions in the survey were well suited to determining the interest of workers in management issues. This may not have been the case. For example, the questionnaire may have been designed to indicate that all workers ought to be interested in management issues. Thus participants in the survey may have felt guilty of being unprofessional and decided to respond untruthfully.

In conclusion, the author fails to consider whether the cited sample is actually representative of workers in general. Moreover, he has failed to question the reasons of workers for answering one way or another and has jumped to concluding based on an answer that may have had other intentions. Finally, the author fails to consider how good at determining the issue at hand the questionnaire is. In any case, more evidence is required to evaluate the argument. Information about the background of participants as well as content of the questionnaire will be particularly useful in determining the validity of the argument.
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07 Jun 2013, 15:47
It's a vey well written essay! In the first paragraph, instead of "making" write "makes", use simple tenses as far as possible and if you could add in the last paragraph that " without xyz evidence the argument fails to be persuasive", only to clearly put forward your point of view. It's very well written though! Good luck for the exam!
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08 Jun 2013, 11:43
Feedback is much appreciated. Will certainly try to primarily use simple tenses - I had missed this point in my preparation.
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11 Jun 2013, 21:54
It looks good and use full for me too.

Me either have my Gmat in few days.Written the AWA for one of the topic,Can some one please verify,Please

The following appeared in a memorandum issued by a large city’s council on the arts.

“In a recent citywide poll, fifteen percent more residents said that they watch television programs about the visual arts than was the case in a poll conducted five years ago. During these past five years, the number of people visiting our city’s art museums has increased by a similar percentage. Since the corporate funding that supports public television, where most of the visual arts programs appear, is now being threatened with severe cuts, we can expect that attendance at our city’s art museums will also start to decrease. Thus some of the city’s funds for supporting the arts should be reallocated to public television.”
Discuss how well reasoned... etc.
The argument that percentage in recent poll suggesting the increase in view of the visual arts program for the past five years compared to the percentage of people visiting art museum and reallocating city fund to support arts museum in absence of corporate fund is flawed, where it does not provide enough evidence how these two entities are related.

Mostly conspicuously the argument does not mention the cause of the increased view for the visual arts television program and how it is related to the increase of customer visits to the museum. Firstly, The increased view of the visual arts program may be because of the time it is being telecasted when the viewers have enough time to watch television and may also depends on the availability of the electricity over the period. The increase in visit of the spectators to the museum may be because of the other source of publicity. Secondly, Assuming that in absence of corporate funding ,the percentage of the visitors will decrease is not persuasive, It may also be done by advertising in other manners by inviting students from colleges, schools etc. Thirdly expecting city’s fund allocation for the supporting arts is not suggestible unless until, absence of the more serious concerns to the city to support for health ,infrastructure et.

Because the argument misses several key issues to the mention it does not look persuasive. If it considers the point discussed above ,the argument would have been more convincing.
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12 Jul 2013, 03:19
The argument states that , the colleges and universities are important to people to improve the knowledge and upgrade their skills. Stated in this way the argument fails to mention several key factors on basis of which it could be evaluated. The conclusion relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence. Hence,the argument is weak , unconvincing and has several flaws.
The first flaw of this argument is that, the part of the text is correct, but it illogically stated in this way ,only colleges and schools improves the knowledge.However, the colleges and universities gives the basic knowledge to the people in their young stage. People get more knowledge from their experiences.Each and every year people get some knowledge from their life time experiences. For example , one man is in 45 years old now but he does not have much knowledge about technology. Because, in school days there was no computer classes in 1970. So he upgrade his knowledge from their experienced people or other wise develop skill from the short term course. So the argument contains not the relevant facts. We can experienced from more fact from the life. In schools and colleges are channelized in one program. We can get a knowledge from one stream like science means only we can get the knowledge from the science or maths. In later stage ,if we want to change the field is very difficult . So the knowledge or skills can upgrade by the local centres.
The second flaw of the argument is that,the argument not mention any relevant facts about the degrees or skills. If the skills means we can develop at any time any place . If the degree means, only we can develop from universities.
There is one known fact is that the , nowadays many universities open so many courses for people to upgrade their skills. There are distance learning program , on-line program and Executive MBA programs are available to upgrade their skills in their later stage.
How one can explained the statement without the relevant facts and data? What is the expectation from the author?without answer these questions one can impress the claim for wishful thinking.
In conclusion the argument is flawed for above mentioned reasons and is there fore unconvincing .If the argument is considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts.Without proper information the argument remains unsubstantiated and open to debate.
Re: GMAT in 3 days, Please review my AWA   [#permalink] 12 Jul 2013, 03:19
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