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GMAT on 5th Sep, please help to polish my AWA.

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Manager
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Joined: 05 Jun 2013
Posts: 59
Location: India
Concentration: Entrepreneurship, General Management
GMAT 1: 640 Q48 V29
GPA: 3.6
WE: Business Development (Education)
Followers: 0

Kudos [?]: 8 [1] , given: 31

GMAT on 5th Sep, please help to polish my AWA. [#permalink] New post 29 Aug 2013, 04:40
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“Over the past several years, investment in precious metals, such as gold and silver, has proven to be one of the most profitable investment strategies for our firm. Over the next decade, the demand for these metals is expected to be strong, largely driven by the economic growth of large emerging markets--China, India, and Russia. Thus, our investors are best served by increasing their exposure to precious metals to take advantage of this unique profit-making opportunity.”

Investment in precious metals has always been a attraction for humans. Moreover, gold and silver in emerging economies, particularly India, are seen not only as safe investments but also have cultural values. Lot of emotions are entwined when it comes to gold.

In the argument the author claims that over past many years investment in precious metals has proven most profitable for the firm. Also the demand for these metals is expected to be strong over the next decade, because it is driven by economic growth of large emerging markets of China, India, Russia. Hence, he suggests to invest in precious metals - gold and silver. Though the author might have his own strategy, the argument is very susceptible to assumptions and believes. At times the argument also fails to provide coherence in logic.

Primarily, author assumes the demand for precious metals is solely based on the economic growth of emerging markets. What if the demand is based on several other factors like international markets, currency values, gold reserves of developed countries, and most likely this is the case. Secondarily, the argument most conspicuously believes that the emerging economies like that of China, India and Russia shall definitely grow. Moreover, no evidence is provided on what bases these economies would grow. Author's argument fails to provide any strong evidence to bank on and renders his conclusion unacceptable.

No doubt all the points made by the author are not flawed, but the argument would have been strengthened if the economic growth of emerging markets would have been substantially justified. Also, some statistical data on the demand of precious metals over time would have supported the argument.

In sum, the author's illogical argument is based on unsupported premises and unsubstantiated assumptions that render his conclusion invalid. If the author truly hopes to change his readers' minds on the issue, he would have to largely restructure his argument, fix the flaws in his logic, clearly explicate his assumptions, and provide evidentiary support. Without these things, his poorly reasoned argument will likely convince few people.
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Re: GMAT on 5th Sep, please help to polish my AWA. [#permalink] New post 29 Aug 2013, 05:52
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Hi,

I would rate this essay between 2.5 to 3. Don't be disappointed and lose your hope. The essay is small, i guess its around 350 words. If you want get above 4.5 or 5, your essay must be between 500-600 words :x :roll: . Also your essay lacks few details and strong points that will make the reader to get impressed and provide you the score you are expecting in AWA.


I would recommend you to improve your typing speed and if you want a good template for your essay, please read chineseburned post :-D .-----http://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6-0-awa-my-guide-64327.html

From now on atleast write 1 essay a day to increase your typing speed.
Hope it helps. All the best for the exam :)
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Re: GMAT on 5th Sep, please help to polish my AWA.   [#permalink] 29 Aug 2013, 05:52
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GMAT on 5th Sep, please help to polish my AWA.

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