Your essay has great organization. I can see a clear introduction, body paragraphs and a conclusion. And your essay is about 370 words - a good length.
However, I highly recommend that you spend a serious amount of time studying grammar and punctuation. Your essay has some serious grammar issues, sadly. Your essay is missing periods, you've got capitals in the middle of sentences, you use commas when you need to use periods, you're missing apostrophes... this is basic-level stuff. Start by looking over your work and trying to spot some of these mistakes and then start looking at basic level grammar and punctuation lessons. I don't mean to be TOO harsh, but some studying will really pay off.
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