Thanks for the invite! I think this essay will work in the 4.5 range. The structure is pretty solid and definitely answers the question directly and is easy to read, so I think that's strong. My only concern with the structure is that it reads a little bit like a template - you repeat "fallacies and unsubstantiated assumptions" in both the intro and conclusion and there are a few other points that make it read a little bit like it's been machine-produced. I'd diversify those phrases just so that you say the same thing but it doesn't look as mechanical.
A few other things that I think hold this back from being a 5+:
-Your first support paragraph also begins with a "forced" line. You say "the main assumption is that only by closing offices...will increase profits is flawed." That's grammatically incorrect and also factually a little off - the assumption isn't flawed, but rather the logic is flawed because it makes the assumption. You may want to change this to say something like "One flaw in the argument is the assumption that...".
-Your second support paragraph may go a little too far - we don't know (as you write) that the field offices ARE better...we can just point out that the argument assumes that it's not the case without having proof for it. I'd tend toward using the other side of the argument as a hypothetical (the argument claims X, but Y could also be true, so it isn't entirely valid reasoning)
-That same paragraph leads with "another flawed reasoning", which isn't grammatically right either. I'd change that to "another example of flawed reasoning is..." or something like that. Because your transitions are what the reader will probably focus on, I'd make them as clear and correct as possible...I think you can get away with more mistakes in the "content" portion, but the structural portion is what you've had time to practice ahead of time so if you're putting in the effort I'd make that as clear as possible to compensate for any writing-and-thinking-quickly mistakes later.
Overall this is really strong in terms of structure and your insights into the flawed reasoning, so I'd say it definitely fits the "pass" test of hitting around 4-4.5, If you want to move that up or give yourself some room for error, I'd recommend the items above.
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