Thanks for posting this essay.
I'd score it a 5.
The language is clear and you make nice points.
You could improve your score by paying much less deference to the other side of the argument. Don't say "arguments could be made on both sides of the issue." That is implicit. We are asked to be almost like attorneys, making strong arguments for one side and one side only. So if the prompt asks: Which is better: Peanut butter or jelly? (we wish) we need to go ahead and just say "Peanut is better than jelly because..."
Thanks again for sharing. Let me know if you have any other questions.
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