I present my first ARGUMENT essay : Analytical Writing Assessment (AWA)
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I present my first ARGUMENT essay

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I present my first ARGUMENT essay [#permalink]

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New post 23 Oct 2009, 06:13
ESSAY QUESTION:
The following appeared in a proposal for a high school's annual fundraising event:

"In order to earn the most money for supplemental school programs, we will have larger and more thrilling rides at this year's School Fair, including a ferris wheel that is twice as tall as last year's ferris wheel. In addition, the game vendors will award more expensive prizes and the food stalls will showcase a variety of upscale international dishes. As a result, we will be able to charge a higher entrance fee and the dollar amount we earn via our commission on the vendors' revenues will be higher than it was last year."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.


YOUR RESPONSE:
The argument concludes that the school can raise a large amount of money for its supplemental school programs by having larger rides,expensive games and international cuisine in it's school fair.It follows that because of this they will be able to charge a higher entrance fee and the dollar amount they earn via commission on the vendors' revenues will be higher than it was last year,thus helping them to meet their goal.Though this might be possible,the argument is full of gaps and loopholes because of fragmentary evidence.The argument fails to mention key factors,on the basis of which it can be properly evaluated.

Firstly,the argument assumes that the amount earned through a higher entrance fee and the commission, will be greater than the amount spent on upgrading the various aspects of the school fair.Such an essential piece of the argument cannot be assumed.We are presented with no figures and hence cannot assume that the upgradation of the school fair will be beneficial financially.Moreover,there is absolutely no guarantee of the number of people who will turn out for the event and thus the revenues may end up being less that the expenses.If this happens,not only will the school not earn money,they will end up running in loss.

Secondly,the argument concludes that the larger rides,international cuisine and expensive gifts will guarantee a larger crowd than last year.This conclusion is a result of hasty generalization.These added benefits may not be sufficient to draw in a larger crowd.We are not presented with the statistics as to how many people attended the school fair last year,and whether the turnout was at its maximum or not.We are also not told that who all are eligible to attend the school fair.Is the school fair only for the students,or their family or anybody can visit?All these information would help us in evaluating the argument properly.

Without convincing answers to the above questions,one is left to believe that the claim is more of a wishful thinking rather than substantive evidence.The author has comfortably assumed a large amount of data.Had he taken the above mentioned factors into view,the argument would have been left irrefutable.The argument as such remains unsubstantiated and open to debate
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Re: I present my first ARGUMENT essay [#permalink]

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New post 25 Oct 2015, 05:11
In the proposal for a high school's annual fundraising event, the author claims that school can raise more funds this year then past by charging higher entrance fees and increasing the commission from Vendor. To support his claim the author cites that this year we will have larger and more thrilling rides, more expensive prize awarded by game vendors and showcase a variety of upscale international dishes at food stalls. The evidence cited by the author might seems attractive, however, the author bases his conclusion on various unsupported assumptions. The most notable assumption would be the money earned from this event will be more then the cost to implement this event. As a result, this argument is week as stated below.

To begin with, the author assumes that the profits earned from event will be greater than cost involved in hosting this event. Hosting event on such bigger magnitude requires lot of planning, advertising and marketing. The cost involved for these activities can be substantial. Author has not provided any data that shows the cost involved in hosting this event. In order to validate this assumption the author should provide some evidence on how the cost of hosting the event be reduced.

Additionally, the author assumes that the school can charge higher entrance fee and still attract guest for the event. It can just be that, the higher entrance fees might have negative impact on guest turnout, resulting in lower revenue. Even though author has mentioned that this year event will have more thrilling rider, attractive prices and upscale international dishes, this does not guarantee that the guest will be willing to pay higher entrance fees. It can be that there is carnival already in neighborhood attracting more customer with similar attractions and lower entrance fees. The author should provide more evidence to support this claim and how charging higher entrance fees is justified.

Secondly, The author also assumes that vendors will pay higher commission. Even though this might be true, to compensate the additional cost the vendors might provide substandard service, resulting in customer dissatisfaction and ultimately resulting in lower guest turnouts. The author should provide more information on how increasing the commission will benefit the customer.

As discussed above, the argument to make the fundraising event profitable then last year is based on a number of assumptions and cannot be simply accepted without further examination. Should the author provide more information about the cost involved in hosting this project and provide more information on the guest turnout compared to last year's, his argument will stand as a useful tool. Until then however, the argument is week and cannot be said for sure the event will be success.
Re: I present my first ARGUMENT essay   [#permalink] 25 Oct 2015, 05:11
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