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In his argument the author states that last- Feedback Please

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In his argument the author states that last- Feedback Please [#permalink] New post 17 Apr 2012, 23:15
Hi GMAT Club!

I just wrote one of my first essays. It took me 18 minutes to write it but I am out of ideas what else to include in it.
I would be very grateful if someone write me a short feedback. How can I improve my writing?

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In his argument the author states that last summer there was 500% increase in tourism at a seaside resort. The situation this year in the economy looks even better and the author concludes that this summer there will be a tourist boom and record revenues which will resolve the economic difficulties of the area. This argument is flawed because it fails to consider few important determinants.

First, the fact that there was boom in tourism last summer and that there is favourable economic situation does not necessary mean that this summer there would be "record revenues". One important reason that could prevent that is if there is more competition than last summer. For example, some other places which are geographically close to this area could start their own tourist industry and create some attractions which could take some of the demand. Consequently, the demand will drop.

Another important reason is the climate. It is possible that this summer the climate will not be favorable. If the temperatures are low and is raining every day this will not help to attract tourists. Also, if there are storms or bad weather it is possible that the number of tourists will actually decrease.

Third, the author's opinion is based on the assumption that the economic situation up to date is favourable. He/she fails to consider that the economic situation might drastically change which in turn would affect the amount of money that people could allocate for a vacation. In addition, when there is an economic dificulty people usually postpone their vacations in order to meet their spendings and save money because they do not know how long such a period would take.

The argument of the author is flawed because it fails to consider few very important factors which could change the situation drastically. Such factors could be more competition than last year, bad weather or sharp downturn in the economy.

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Thanks a lot!
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In his argument the author states that last- Feedback Please   [#permalink] 17 Apr 2012, 23:15
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In his argument the author states that last- Feedback Please

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