It's been months since my first attempt in GMAT. But I guess this is just one of those days when you are really down and emotional that you just can't motivate your self anymore, or you just don't know where to start.
Guys, I haven't told you that on the day that I did the GMAT test, it was when I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant. My husband and I was very happy and overwhelmed about the fact. Although we didn't really plan it and we were totally focused about GMAT, and planning on applying to graduate school.
Now I'm sitting in my home-I had taken my maternity leave earlier, 33 weeks pregnant, devastated after I did some more GMAT problems only to find out that I had gone worse in solving GMAT problems. The problems felt harder, and I can't seem to count as fast, I had to pee in every 20 minutes, I got sleepy most of the time, it's really frustrating! I feel I'm more and more stupid than I could recall.
i had to cry because at this moment I am very very scared of losing my dream to continue my study abroad.
I can go into labor in like another 49 days, I was planning on taking another attempt on GMAT before I give birth to this baby. But after today, i realize that it's even harder to do with all the circumstances and everything. (remembering that I would have to go to the toilet frequently while sitting for the test for three and a half hours). But it's even more not feasible to do after the baby is born, considering I would have to nurse the baby every now and then, and there's going to be sleep deprivation and all. It won't be until the baby is 3 months old that schedule would be more stable. And by that time, it would already be November. If I study and prepare again for GMAT, it would already be the deadline of Round 2.
I can just see it passing by, am I really losing it?? I kinda hate the fact that I am pregnant right now and that I have to postpone my application process. not only that-how can I even start applying when I'm still not satisfied with my GMAT score. Why does this feels even harder to get, the road ahead seems stretched into a longer and longer path to pursue.
I don't have anymore energy to motivate my self. I can only write this, hoping that somebody out there has gone through something similar. I know I'm mostly hormonal right now, but I can't just let go of this dream. Not just yet. If anybody has ever experience something tough emotionally like this and still managed to beat the GMAT, please share to me and maybe that could help boost my motivation level again, and at least I can make the most of my last month before I give birth to this baby, and maybe take the test again before July 20th.
Inidisas.