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My Template: suggestions please

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My Template: suggestions please [#permalink] New post 19 Oct 2013, 20:54
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Disclaimer: This template is mix & match of several templates from net/ study material including how to get 6 and Princeton review; so PLEASE do not blame me for plagiarism :)

I need help in making sure it is grammatically correct especially tenses and NOT wordy or redundant; so, any quick comments will be helpful

Thanks (essay structure follows)

Para 1 - Intro
[if I can quickly think of 1 line in starting on the subject from common sense - not a necessity]
The argument concludes that A can be achieved by doing x and by doing Y {My question here is in most cases this sentence will be quite big or wordy - will it be an issue}. The suggestions are (partly) based on the fact that B is true. The assumptions made in the argument are simplistic, logically inconsistent and have no clear evidence. Hence, to make the argument more consistent <the author> will need to address the problems discussed henceforth.

Para 2
First of all, X assumes that or the assumption that X will help in A is simplistic

Para 3
Second, Y assumes that

Some keywords/ phrases (other than generally mentioned in most tutorials I have seen)
- The problem here is that
- One cannot simply assume
- As a result,
- While... but...
- In such a case

Para 4 - optional
Finally,

Para 5 - Conclusion
As discussed above, the argument is (critically/ seriously) flawed and is therefore, unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if <author> addresses the issue raised and provide relevant facts. Only if data <like x', y') is provided that can support the assumptions, the plan suggested can be considered viable (if argument is a plan) or While doing X can help achieve A slightly, but without getting answers to the issues discussed above there is no guarantee that A will be definitely achieved.
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My Template: suggestions please   [#permalink] 19 Oct 2013, 20:54
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My Template: suggestions please

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