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Opening paragraph

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Intern
Intern
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Joined: 07 Oct 2004
Posts: 45
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Opening paragraph [#permalink] New post 01 Nov 2004, 02:56
This is the final version of my essay. I am not sure about the opening can you please give your opinion.Thanks
Here is option 1:
Finding out what you want to do in your life is not easy. A person's past experience leads them into the present and guides them into the future. A person's life whether a reality or a dream are shaped by these experiences. The philosophical view of your dream life along the practical application of what you like and what you are good at is sometimes different. For me, I believe my dream is the same as what I have talent for which is accounting and property management.

or the one in the beginning
I like to imagine myself ten years from now. I am sitting behind my big desk – the boss’ desk – reviewing papers for one of my many clients. She has come to me with problems within her accounting department because my company is known as “theâ€
Senior Manager
Senior Manager
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Joined: 12 Oct 2003
Posts: 252
Location: USA
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 [#permalink] New post 01 Nov 2004, 15:13
Buddy I sincerely hope that you don't take this as rudeness but as constructive criticism ......

You are applying for business school admission .. you have to work more on your grammar.

In the first option "A person's past experience leads them into the present and guides them into the future. A person's life whether a reality or a dream are shaped by these experiences. " are both incorrect sentences grammatically. Don't have much time now ... but ... 'them' and 'are' is incorrect .. should be singular.

This will really harm your chances ... i feel ... even if English is your 2nd or 3rd language.
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