A severe review of how it all unveils!
This is a repost of a previous hilarious work. The main objective is to produce it to current applicants, admits and dings to gain some fresh perspective and laughs!Introduction
Let's say you are 2 or 3 years out of college and the thought of an MBA starts lingering in your mind. Either you've heard some stories of former colleagues going for it and are curious about it or you think the name sounds cool.
You can talk to MBA alumni (if you have access to them) to start your research, or maybe to some friends. But this initial conversations can be biased (name 1 alumni who "officially" thinks his/her school sucked and you'll get a bonus!) for all you know.
So you decide you need some "objective data" to continue your research and you go pick up the latest issue of US news/ B-week, or whichever one is available at newsstands. You browse through their pages and start wondering:
MBA Joyland
- Wait, wasn't Kellogg a cereal brand?
- What's with the GMAT scores? why 700? over 1000? that's weird. What's GMAT btw?
- Ah, finally, I know Yale, I know Harvard, I know Stanford, MIT and UCLA. But where's Princeton? And Brown? What's Tuck?
- I like International Business, so as per these rankings I should better be attending Thunderbird. But why are the starting salaries from there so much lower than from other schools?
- I loved Miami when I visited on spring break. Lemme see what their school's like.
- Ok I have never been anywhere except New Delhi. ISB doesnt sound too bad! 5 years of work ex is the average? Aww!
Delusional optimism
- I'm a wise person, so GMAT shouldn't be a problem for me. Maybe I'll take one of these intensive 1-week courses and go for it! Why would anybody spend months studying? That doesn't make any sense. I mean it's high school level math and English for crying out loud. Heck, I can speak English, I've taken Calculus classes.
- I'm a clear admit at HBS, plus I'll get a full scholarship. After all I'll get a top GMAT, I do speak four languages and have made steady progress at work so far.
Depression while taming the beast
- GMAT sucks. My friends no longer talk to me. My girlfriend broke up with me and spending 150k for an MBA doesn't make much sense to me anymore (nor does it make sense to my family, my former friends nor my girlfriend). Do I really, really want to do this? Otherwise I could go back to having a life right now.
- Ok, so I'm headed for a 600 score, if I'm lucky. Let's see what that would do for me. Hmm, I'd better score at least 650. Wait, 650 ain't that bad! Oh boy, I'd kill for a 650.
- "So Johnny (an acquaintance of yours), how did your GMAT go?"
Johnny: "Oh man, I'm so depressed. I bombed my 7th attempt. I just can't get past 550. I'm about giving up"
You: "Crap, Johnny, after all the effort you've put into this, I can't believe what you are telling me. I mean, I'm still a zillion hours away from your study record to date. By the way, I'll better be heading home and attack those SCs again!"
- (at 4am in the morning on a working day): I suck, I suck, I suck! I can't believe the silly mistakes I'm making. Sigh, I wish I'd remember more about Statistics...
post GMAT preliminary research
- Ok, so I got a pretty decent GMAT. Now let me write sth and send my app right away so we can finally bring this "I'll pretend I read your app." game to an end. Let's check the instructions.
- 1st question) What matters most to you an why? [3 to 5 pages]
Hmm. Maybe I'll leave this one for tomorrow. Or let me brainstorm and write a shortlist:
First Shortlist- Money.
- Success.
- Beer.
- Getting my ticket stamped to land an IB job.
Second Shortlist
- Being mother Theresa.
- Saving humanity.
- Saving the environment.
- "Changing the world".
- I'll apply to 147 schools. That way, I'd maximize my chances of getting a scholarship.
- What's with the letter of recommendation? Should I tell my boss about my plans? It looks like the point of no return to me.
Applying, AKA the emotional roller-coaster
Post application blues
- Shoot, I won't get in anywhere. I mean look at the profiles of applicants! I should retake GMAT. My 700 is not enough. I should aim for 790+.
- Crap! Yale dinged me without interview! Ohmigod! If they did it, ANYONE can do it! THEY COULD ALL DO IT!
- I have an idea! I'll check which schools have rolling admissions and apply to those. I still have time!
- Suddenly University of Phoenix Online doesn't sound that bad.
- Why? Why? Why didn't apply to more backups? Why did I have to shake my interviewer's hand so firmly? Why didn't I coach my recommenders more thoroughly? I wonder what they've written. Probably nothing good. I wish I had submitted my app. a day earlier, that way I would have looked as a well organized person. I read that Kellogg dings all applicants above 28 years old who haven't made directors positions. Wait, is that a typo on my MIT essays? That's one school less, buddy. I'm soo doomed.
Endless joy
- Hell yeah! I've made it! I've been admitted [dream school X] next year! I rule! I can't wait to get recruited by [dream employer]. When is admitted students weekend?
- 2nd admit! I rule!
- Should I go to [School X] with a 7k scholarship or to [School Y] with a 25 k scholarship?
- Work? What's work? Ah, right, that thing I'm supposed to be doing daily on weekdays from 9 to 5...
- I wonder whether spending this 150k makes sense after all...
- I'm so gonna get grilled at B-school! What if I mess up? I'd better start brushing up on some skills.
Hope you enjoy, and feel free to propose edits or add-ons. After all, we're all together in this journey!
-Heartiest thanks to Lepium and Rhyme for putting this together 
Kudos!
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13 Feb 2013, 04:02
