Application review...

1) Resume is very weak - it fails completely to describe what he did and what the results of those actions are.

2) His essay attempts to recast the core question - the question asks how do you expect Wharton to help you achieve these goals - not "Why Wharton". It's a small difference, but there is a difference. Regardless, his why Wharton is exactly the kind of mindless paragraph that says nothing of consequence. I mean heck, his first point is that he has "no doubt" Wharton is "credible".... Its terrible any way you dice it, but its especially terrible since it's "qualified".. It's like saying to a friend "I have no doubt that you are capable" vs "You are really good at this". I don't advocate pandering, but if you are going to do it, at least make it sound like you actually believe it. He actually qualifies a lot of his words... things like "I think my exposure"? You think? You don't know? I also hate the 4th grader approach of providing headlines. Use transitional sentences. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter, but it just makes for choppy reading.

3) Most damaging of all, its completely unclear what he wants from an MBA. He fails to answer that. Raise your hand if you think he forgot to tell you his long term goal? I raised mine.... but actually, its there... it just took me a while to realize it. The problem is, I thought his short term goal was to join a utility company or the World Bank. As it turns out, he lists his short term goal as getting an MBA, and the utility company thing is a long term goal! I think its pretty clear that "getting an MBA" is a horribly weak short term goal. He didn't understand the question, and thus, he didn't really answer it. This alone probably did him in.

4) I have to point this out too... The World Bank is a pretty HUGE leap from a utility company. The two have almost nothing in common. Immediately, it seems clear he has no clue what his goals are.

5) His why now is basically "I want it now cause my career isn't going anywhere". Not especially convincing.

6) The essays lack passion or introspection -- as a result they are entirely forgettable.

7) Differences from last application... This should have been the wow moment - the differentiator - but there's nothing here. He got promoted. He ran a few meetings. He raised $7k (I'd rather know what he did specifically than how much he made). He "managed large teams"... etc There's just nothing here but a laundry list of things, completely unconnected and most of them say nothing of consequence. So he ran meetings... with what goal? What was achieved? Why does it matter? How is that important for graduate school? What did he learn? Etc. etc. etc.

I could go on and on....

In short, If I had to pick the top 3:

1) He failed to answer what his goals are / why he needs an mba.
2) Completely and totally fails to explain why Wharton
3) Whether its through lack of introspection or just a mediocre experience thus far, nothing in here is at all memorable.

How did he get an interview? Its possible last years essays fill in some of these gaps. Or maybe, they decided to interview him to better understand the answers to these questions.