You've analysed the argument well!
Your essay covers all the aspects expected by the task! Brilliant!
- Begin by paraphrasing the argument you are analysing (in the introduction)
- I notice a few stylistic errors: overlooked grammar.
To fix this ensure that you have a few minutes of reserve time to go back and proof read the essay.
The essay, as is, should get you a 4.5-5.
Biggest advice: Don't forget to Proof Read.
Hope that helps!
Verbal Trainer; Crack Verbal
For more info on GMAT and MBA, follow us on @AskCrackVerbal