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Please check my IELTS essay and give me possible band score!

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Please check my IELTS essay and give me possible band score! [#permalink] New post 12 Jun 2013, 10:34
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The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work,education or shopping.Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, cars play a vital role in this fast pace of life;however,it brings out many problems so that is why most people consider reduction of the need for traveling as the answer to this problem.
On one hand, traveling through the city is an irremovable fact since individuals should work and visit their friends and families.To a higher degree, a large proportion of people want to have privacy during transportation.Reducing need for traveling means eliminating fundamental needs like interaction with others,being exposed to society or even removing variety in society.For instance, if people want to go on shopping they should be obliged to go to the nearest shop.Regardless of other reasons, there must be a logical way of decreasing people travels which don't seem to be possible.
On the other hand, according to the fact that traffic arises from daily tasks,by limiting those needs we will have deteriorated traffic congestion.Have our workplace been near to our home, we wouldn't have traveled so much.Thus, we should meet people's need not eliminating them. Thanks to technology improvements, we have been able to contact others from the four corners of the globe including our family members.As a matter of fact,lowering face-to-face contact solved majority of difficulties.
All in all, it appears to me that even though limiting needs is possible it is not the unique way.variety is the spice of life and it is a crucial feature in life so we aren't allowed to restrict ourselves.
Please check my IELTS essay and give me possible band score!   [#permalink] 12 Jun 2013, 10:34
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Please check my IELTS essay and give me possible band score!

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