Please comment/rate my essay. : Analytical Writing Assessment (AWA)
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Please comment/rate my essay.

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Please comment/rate my essay. [#permalink]

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New post 21 Aug 2012, 03:29
Hi, i just wrote down two Argument essays. I took help of OG, and templates provided by "chineseburned". Please, help me identify my mistakes and areas where i need to improve on. Also suggest me the alternate/ better substitutes to the points at which i committed mistakes or which are awkward. I will be happy to oblige. Thanks :)


"On average, 9 out of every 1000 passengers who travelled on Avia Airlines year filed a complaint about our baggage-handling procedures. This means that although some 1 percent of our passengers were unhappy with those procedures, the overwhelming majority was quite satisfied with them; thus it would appear that a review of procedures is not important to our goal of maintaining or increasing the number of Avia's passengers"

Discuss how well reasoned is the above mentioned argument is........................
My response:

The argument that the review of procedures is not important for maintaining or increasing the number of Avia Airlines passengers is flawed and omits some important concerns that must be addressed to substantiate the argument.The statement that only 1 percent of the passengers were happy with a particular procedure and the majority being satisfied by them does not logically prove that the rest of the majority was satisfied from other procedures apart from baggage handling. Also, the assumption that every unsatisfied passenger filed a complaint is flawed as there can be many passengers who simply did not filed complaint but were still unsatisfied.The argument also ignores the possibility that if a passenger is satisfied with one procedure he/she may not necessarily be satisfied with other procedures also.
First, the argument readily assumes that every passenger who was unsatisfied filed a complaint.This statement is a stretch as there can be many more passengers who were troubled by the Avia airlines baggage handling procedure but they simply did not chose to file a complaint.
Second, the argument claims that the majority of passengers were satisfied with the procedures. This is a very weak claim as it does not elaborate that the passengers actually gave positive feedback rather it assumes that the less amount of negative feedback implicitly implies more positive feedback which is not the case.In addition, the claim does provide any evidence that how the majority of the passengers were quite satisfied.
Finally, the argument assumes that if passengers are satisfied with one particular procedure that is baggage handling, the passengers will be satisfied with the rest of the procedures also. This generalization is flawed since not every procedure is equivalent in every aspect, hence, the passengers' response to different procedures will different.As the argument is based on assumptions which overlooks other possible explanations and also it fails to provide sufficient evidence for the causal relation mentioned above, one is left with impression that the claim is more of a wishful thinking rather than a substantive evidence.
In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above mentioned reasons and is therefore unconvincing.The argument could have been more concrete and less open to debate, if it addressed the various questions which undermine the assumptions, and provided evidence to strengthen the argument.

-----------------------------------Topic 2--------------------------------------------------------------------

"The producers of the forthcoming movie 3003 will be most likely to maximize their profits if they are willing to pay Robin Good several million dollars to star in it- even though that amount is far more than any other person involved with the movie will make. After all, Robin has in the past been paid a similar amount to work in several films that were financially very successful."

Discuss how well reasoned... etc

My response

The argument that the producers of movie 3003 will most likely to maximize their profits if they are willing to pay Robin Good several million dollars to star in it omits some important concerns that must be addressed to substantiate the argument. The argument reveals leap of faith by assuming that this film will be a financial success since, most of the films in which Robin Good acted were financially successful.This assumption fails to address that there might be some alternate factors contributing to the success of the film besides Robin.
First, the argument does not address the key issue that how Robin Good starring in the film will cause the film to be a financial success.The argument only relies on the statement that several of the movies in which Robin starred were financial success and fails to mention any other factors such as better direction, good storyline, the use of latest filming equipment, superior acting by supporting star cast etc. which may also have been important for the success of these films.
Second, the argument claims that producers will most likely maximize their profits if they pay Robin several million dollars, the highest amount of money being paid to anyone involved in the film.This again is a very weak claim as the argument does not justify that paying the highest amount of money to Robin will help the producers in increasing their profits, rather it weakens the argument as overpriced actors may not be able to give their best in each film. Also, the producers' objective of increasing their profits will be in jeopardy, if the other parameters such as story, supporting cast, advertisements, promotions etc. are not up to the mark despite having Robin Good in the cast.
Finally, the argument also fails to mention whether Robin Good is the best of the best in the industry and there are no other actors of his stature, who might be able to play the same role in the movie at a lesser amount of money. Furthermore, an another alternative cause which the argument fails to eliminate is that there are several other movies in which relatively less paid star cast was involved but still those movies were financially successful.
Because the argument leaves out several key issues, fails to eliminate the alternate causes, relies on assumptions that does not substantiate the argument and is therefore not convincing or persuasive. If it included the above mentioned alternate explanations, other factors and issues the argument would have been reasonably strengthened.

Whatever one does in life is a repetition of what one has done several times in one's life!
If my post was worth it, then i deserve kudos :)

Please comment/rate my essay.   [#permalink] 21 Aug 2012, 03:29
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