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Please correct my Toefl Essay !

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Please correct my Toefl Essay ! [#permalink] New post 03 Jan 2013, 09:47
People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example,
new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think
people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support
your answer.

Since birth infants learn how to express pain, need for food etc. Growing up children start to learn the alphabet,
attend primary school and educate themselves. High school is a very important period in the social development of a person.
After high school some students continue their education others start working. Nowadays, when the society asks for well-educated staff,
higher number of students decide to continue their education. There are number of reasons, but this essay will state the professional,
social and economic factors that influence the choice of continuing the studies.

Undoubtedly, the professional reasons play very important role in the process of deciding. To start, one crucial thing that students get
is better education. They end up more educated than those that decide to give up on school. Not only colleges offer modern facilities as
media libraries, audiovisual equipment and plenty of photocopiers but also indoor and outdoor sports centers are available for students
to use. Qualified professors with many years of experience and enormous range of teaching methods help students in their development as
undergraduate students and prepare them for better future.

Both social and professional factors explain why students decide to continue their education. As a rule students meet new people in college.
They get the opportunity to network with students from different religions and continents; sometimes they even learn their friend’s language.
Later on, this broadens their internship options and develops new methods of thinking. Concluding, those friends that are made in college may
be your future colleagues or partners in work.

If you study hard, you will have better job opportunities. This quote we hear very often. College grades often help in the career development.
Equally important is the fact that students with better education, which tend to become MBA’s or PhD’s are paid more. For instance, my mother is a
University professor, when she first started working she was admitted as assistant, after completing her PhD studies she became a full time professor.
Her salary increased for 20 % since the time when she was just an assistant. Continuing your education Is always the right thing to do.

People continue their education for number of reasons, whether to meet new friends, or to seek for better career opportunities.
Nowadays, the society also pressures students to develop their skills, abilities and competencies. The University is the place where they learn how to do that.
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Re: Please correct my Toefl Essay ! [#permalink] New post 04 Jan 2013, 09:45
Expert's post
akoskarova wrote:
People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example,
new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think
people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support
your answer.

Since birth infants learn how to express pain, need for food etc. Growing up children start to learn the alphabet,
attend primary school and educate themselves. High school is a very important period in the social development of a person.
After high school some students continue their education others start working. Nowadays, when the society asks for well-educated staff,
higher number of students decide to continue their education. There are number of reasons, but this essay will state the professional,
social and economic factors that influence the choice of continuing the studies.

Undoubtedly, the professional reasons play very important role in the process of deciding. To start, one crucial thing that students get
is better education. They end up more educated than those that decide to give up on school. Not only colleges offer modern facilities as
media libraries, audiovisual equipment and plenty of photocopiers but also indoor and outdoor sports centers are available for students
to use. Qualified professors with many years of experience and enormous range of teaching methods help students in their development as
undergraduate students and prepare them for better future.

Both social and professional factors explain why students decide to continue their education. As a rule students meet new people in college.
They get the opportunity to network with students from different religions and continents; sometimes they even learn their friend’s language.
Later on, this broadens their internship options and develops new methods of thinking. Concluding, those friends that are made in college may
be your future colleagues or partners in work.

If you study hard, you will have better job opportunities. This quote we hear very often. College grades often help in the career development.
Equally important is the fact that students with better education, which tend to become MBA’s or PhD’s are paid more. For instance, my mother is a
University professor, when she first started working she was admitted as assistant, after completing her PhD studies she became a full time professor.
Her salary increased for 20 % since the time when she was just an assistant. Continuing your education Is always the right thing to do.

People continue their education for number of reasons, whether to meet new friends, or to seek for better career opportunities.
Nowadays, the society also pressures students to develop their skills, abilities and competencies. The University is the place where they learn how to do that.



Hi and welcome to gmatclub :)

well your essay is not properly articulated with really strong points. Moreover it lacks of a clear structure and a strong conclusion.

Phrase like the one in bold is not at the top.

Look for instance at this essay, notice how it is structured and formatted.

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carcass
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Re: Please correct my Toefl Essay !   [#permalink] 04 Jan 2013, 09:45
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