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Please critique this issue essay. Thanks

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Please score the two essays;

  • 20% [1]
  • 20% [1]
  • 0% [0]
  • 40% [2]
  • 20% [1]
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Please critique this issue essay. Thanks [#permalink] New post 16 Dec 2006, 21:29
“Of all the manifestations* of power, restraint in the use of that power impresses people most.â€
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 [#permalink] New post 18 Dec 2006, 11:49
The ability to use the minimum possible power to achieve the desired goal is the power that impresses people most. I strongly agree with this statement for the following reasons:

First of all, I believe it is the human nature to abuse their power, while it requires considerable self discipline to restrain the use of it. Hence, the restraint in the use of the power impresses people most. And almost all the cultures in the world consider the ability to use minimum possible power to achieve his/her goal as the indispensable quality of a great leader. This is evident in numerous stories of legendary heroes. And we generally associate power abuse with violence and consider it barbarian.

Secondly, the restraint use of power is critical to the survival of human race. One result of the advance of civilization is to restrain the use of power and only use it when necessary. We don't kill each other to settle disputes any more. Instead we go to court to settle our disagreements. With the advance of technologies, the restraint of the use of power becomes even more crucial to our survival. Each nuclear nation has the power to destroy the other. However, we don't use the nuclear power to settle our differences; instead we go through proper diplomatic channels to solve the issues. As a result human being as a race still exists today.

In summary, the moderation of the use of power requires great amount of self control and is essential to the survival of human race. As a result, the power to restrain is the power to impress people most.



You start off with a very simplistic format, restating the question/stimulus and then saying you agree or not. We know the question and we will gather from your essay which way you lean. I would leave that stuff out. You say first of all. Leave that out. Its your first piece of evidence/argument. We know that also. I would not say I believe. Tough to convince someone with your own beliefs.

It is an inherent behavioral imperative to aggregate and abuse power. Although this inherited human trait may have some benefits it invariably leads to great misery. Whether one considers Nazi Germany and its egregious use of power, Stalinist Russia or more modern despots such as Augusto Pinochet rarely has great and unfettered power been administered judiciously for the benefit of the masses.

Skipping ahead.

Despite the obvous danger of agglomerating ever more power it is not assured that restraint impresses people most. It has often been that power ful leaders( I hesistate to use the word great, due to the positive connotation) impress their subjects through manipulation or handouts.

It may be widely agreed that great abuses of power should be shackled and future episodes avoided. However it is not certain to any great degree that the majority of people, lacking objectivity when involved in the situation, are likely to agree with restraint power. Unfortunately the opposite has often been the case.


This gives you an idea of what I would write. I skipped the middle as I am at work now. You need to think a little more about the issue and stop restating it. You restate it as evidence as well. That does not help.

Good luck. Keep working on them.

PS I scored 6.0 on AWA and I am not sure I took a position on either essay. Just argued both sides of them

Eric
  [#permalink] 18 Dec 2006, 11:49
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Please critique this issue essay. Thanks

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