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Please evaluate my essay - GMAT on 18/Oct/2013

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How much will this essay score with 6-7 spelling mistakes?

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Joined: 24 Sep 2012
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Please evaluate my essay - GMAT on 18/Oct/2013 [#permalink] New post 15 Oct 2013, 22:27
This is the essay that I wrote for my GMAT Prep 2 exam. Please evaluate and tell me where can I improve. I have corrected the spelling mistakes, but in my original essay, the which I submitted, there were 6-7 mistakes. The question is in the attachment. Thank you all.

What we eat, is directly related to our health and well being. The argument above mentions that the people in general are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses. The examples that the author mentions are not very clear in depicting the correct current scenario regarding what the people think about their food intake. As per the latest current scenario people are using more and more organic products than they did before. This trend started around early 1960's and is now gaining momentum.

The author first mentions the example of a store that started selling organic fruits and vegetables and whole-grain flours in 1960's, and it also sells a wide selection of cheeses with high fat content. The author here fails to mention since when the store is selling these high fat products. If the store started selling organic food items in the 1960's, this suggests us that the trend of eating healthy food started to gain momentum since then. It is much plausible that the store has always sold high fat food since its inception. Hence, we cannot judge the eating habits of people by pointing out the items that the store sells.

The example of the restaurants that the author gives us nothing as to gauge the current eating habits of people at large. The Good Earth Cafe, makes a modest living, this does not mean that people are not concerned about their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses. The quality of food that the Good Earth Cafe serves gets no mention in the argument. Also there is no mention of people's review about the restaurant. Hence it becomes very difficult to reason that people do not care about their food intake, because one restaurant isn't doing well is not correct.

Similar to the example of the restaurant as mentioned in the above paragraph, the second example used by the author the the argument is inconclusive. House of Beef owners being millionaires does not guarantee that the restaurant is popular with the customers. What if the owners make the money from another business and the restaurant is just a side business. Also there can be a possibility that the House of Beef serves organically fed beef, which is a very healthy option as compared to your usual over the counter beef. Hence, people's eating habits are tough to account for with this example.

The argument above is flawed in concluding that the people of today are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses due the flaws mentioned in the above paragraphs. The author could have taken a survey about the eating habits of the people today so gain a perspective about what the people feel regarding their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses. This would have solved a lot of mysteries surrounding the topic of the argument. The statistics of both the store and the restaurants could have been helpful in evaluating the argument in a better way.
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Please evaluate my essay - GMAT on 18/Oct/2013   [#permalink] 15 Oct 2013, 22:27
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Please evaluate my essay - GMAT on 18/Oct/2013

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