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Please evaluate my essay: if you could invent something new

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Intern
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Joined: 13 Jan 2014
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Please evaluate my essay: if you could invent something new [#permalink] New post 13 Jan 2014, 13:49
If you could invent something new, what product would you develop? Use specific details to explain why this invention is needed.

If I had enough knowledge I would create a machine, which would fly. I wish it could land very easy on regular parking place for automobiles. It has to have quite small size to prevent problems with parking and moving of others.
Nowadays almost in every city we observe problems with traffic. People wish to overcome spaces faster. Especially it happens when they are going to be late somewhere. I’m sure at this moment they think: “I wish I could fly”. In big cities this problem seems thornier. We often hear on Russian TV about official’s abuse of authority on the roads. They turn on special signal, depart from road rules and overpass big traffics. In Moscow, for example, citizens can stay in car traffics more than 5 hours. I know that a lot of Moscow car drivers try to find something benefit to use inside a car during their journey. They listen to audio books, make calls, and learn languages. This time they could spend with their families, working, entertaining or resting. It’s difficult to fully enjoy the life when you spend more than 5 hours a day driving a car when it’s not your job.
Furthermore, we know, how expensive it for our government to build roads. We spend years constructing one bridge. As an example I would say about my district, which is very close to another. However I can’t move there quickly because of the River. It is on another side. I have to pass through the whole city to reach it.
Besides I suppose it would be cheaper to serve flying machine. You don’t need to change tyres, repair suspension and other attendant details. Of course, there would be other components, which we would have to serve. Given that it would have more powerful motors or helical blades, owners will care about these parts of “mini-helicopter”. Probably the fuel would be some more expensive. Nevertheless this machine has a lot of advantages.
Thus, this new car would make our life a little bit easier. People, who live in big cities, would have opportunity to spend more time studying or traveling with their families. It would help for some businesses to minimize time waste. It would reduce expenditure on building roads, interchanges and bridges. I hope somebody is working on this project at this moment and we will use such cars soon.



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Intern
Intern
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Joined: 06 Dec 2013
Posts: 7
Location: United States
Concentration: International Business, Strategy
Schools: Kellogg '16 (M)
GMAT 1: 720 Q44 V45
GPA: 3.64
WE: Project Management (Non-Profit and Government)
Followers: 0

Kudos [?]: 8 [1] , given: 9

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Re: Please evaluate my essay: if you could invent something new [#permalink] New post 14 Jan 2014, 14:18
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Your essay seems eerily similar in content and length to this one: http://www.testbig.com/toefl-essays/if- ... -details-0
Re: Please evaluate my essay: if you could invent something new   [#permalink] 14 Jan 2014, 14:18
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