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Hi AdamKnewton :) Please evaluate my Improved essay

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Hi AdamKnewton :) Please evaluate my Improved essay [#permalink] New post 26 Jan 2011, 10:20
Over the past decade, the restaurant industry in the country of Spiessa has experienced unprecedented growth. This
surge can be expected to continue in the coming years, fueled by recent social changes: personal incomes are rising,
more leisure time is available, single-person households are more common, and people have a greater interest in
gourmet food, as evidenced by a proliferation of publications on the subject.

________________________________________________________________

The author of the argument that has been made above believes that there is a correlation between the growth in the restaurant industry in the country of Spiessa and a few social changes, such as personal incomes rising, availability of leisure time, etc... Although the assumption that these factors would result in the growth in the restaurant industry is plausible the author does not provide any evidence that supports such a result. Therefore, I find that the argument is flawed and unconvincing.

Firstly, the assumption that the restaurant industry grew because of people being able to find free time is a stretch since most people might prefer to do activities with the time they have available, such as go skiing, work on other projects, etc... Furthermore, people may take the opportunity of the free time they have to commit to their interest of cooking gourmet food instead of going out to restaurants to eat.

Secondly, the assumption that people would use the additional income they receive for paying for food at restaurants is flawed. With an increase in income people would probably want to save the money for various other purposes other than for going out for a bite to eat, such as saving to pay back their debts, mortgage payments, saving for their children's future college tuition, etc... The author can strengthen his statement by providing the proof necessary to support his claim that the increase in people's income did bring about the growth.

Finally, let us assume that these social changes did indeed bring about the growth in that industry. The assumption that the restaurant industry is expected to continue to surge in the coming years is also flawed in that several factors could affect the industry, such as inflation, recession and other uncontrollable factors. The author must add some evidence that proves that their will be continuous growth, with these social changes.

In conclusion, the argument that the author made is flawed and by providing the the evidence that the argument requires the statement can be strengthened.
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Re: Hi AdamKnewton :) Please evaluate my Improved essay [#permalink] New post 27 Jan 2011, 14:27
This was a bit difficult to write out... but I gave it a try anyway and I would appreciate it if someone gave me his or her opinion.
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Re: Hi AdamKnewton :) Please evaluate my Improved essay [#permalink] New post 01 Feb 2011, 11:38
Is it that good? That i don't need to improve on it
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Re: Hi AdamKnewton :) Please evaluate my Improved essay [#permalink] New post 05 Feb 2011, 00:36
Hii Dude, Even i'm new to AWA so probably not the best to review yours. After looking at the topic, even i wrote my version of AWA. Could you please rate this ?


The author of the argument argues that since the past decade has seen an unprecedented growth in restaurant industry in the country of Spiessa, the surge is expected to continue in the coming years. He supports his viewpoint with some evidences from the proliferation of publications on the subject of social changes featuring that personal incomes are rising, more leisure time is available, single-person households are more common, and people have a greater interest in
gourmet food. I find the argument unconvincing since it misses to provide evidences.

Firstly, The author assumes that whatever has had happened in the past would happen in the future as well. However, as we have seen in the recent financial turmoil, everything turned on the negative side. If something similar happens in the future, the author's argument would be flawed.

Secondly, it is quite possible that the country of Spiessa has been growing in the past decade with unprecedented pace and because of its growing industries, the personal incomes were rising. However, the author doesn't mentions if the growth would remain the future too. It is possible that the economy of the country might have peaked out and would see some level of saturation. In that case, we wouldn't see the kind of well-being people have been enjoying in the past decade. Also, because of saturation, people might have to commit more hours to their work to get ahead of others.

Finally, It is quite possible that liking of gourmet food might peak out and after saturation, the footfalls in restaurants might plummet. We also do not know the legitimacy of the sources of the magazines on social changes.

To sum, the author assumes that whatever has had happened in the past will happen in future also. Also, he doesn't provides enough evidences to support his facts.


mariyea wrote:
Over the past decade, the restaurant industry in the country of Spiessa has experienced unprecedented growth. This
surge can be expected to continue in the coming years, fueled by recent social changes: personal incomes are rising,
more leisure time is available, single-person households are more common, and people have a greater interest in
gourmet food, as evidenced by a proliferation of publications on the subject.

________________________________________________________________

The author of the argument that has been made above believes that there is a correlation between the growth in the restaurant industry in the country of Spiessa and a few social changes, such as personal incomes rising, availability of leisure time, etc... Although the assumption that these factors would result in the growth in the restaurant industry is plausible the author does not provide any evidence that supports such a result. Therefore, I find that the argument is flawed and unconvincing.

Firstly, the assumption that the restaurant industry grew because of people being able to find free time is a stretch since most people might prefer to do activities with the time they have available, such as go skiing, work on other projects, etc... Furthermore, people may take the opportunity of the free time they have to commit to their interest of cooking gourmet food instead of going out to restaurants to eat.

Secondly, the assumption that people would use the additional income they receive for paying for food at restaurants is flawed. With an increase in income people would probably want to save the money for various other purposes other than for going out for a bite to eat, such as saving to pay back their debts, mortgage payments, saving for their children's future college tuition, etc... The author can strengthen his statement by providing the proof necessary to support his claim that the increase in people's income did bring about the growth.

Finally, let us assume that these social changes did indeed bring about the growth in that industry. The assumption that the restaurant industry is expected to continue to surge in the coming years is also flawed in that several factors could affect the industry, such as inflation, recession and other uncontrollable factors. The author must add some evidence that proves that their will be continuous growth, with these social changes.

In conclusion, the argument that the author made is flawed and by providing the the evidence that the argument requires the statement can be strengthened.
Senior Manager
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User avatar
Joined: 30 Nov 2010
Posts: 264
Schools: UC Berkley, UCLA
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Kudos [?]: 55 [0], given: 66

Re: Hi AdamKnewton :) Please evaluate my Improved essay [#permalink] New post 05 Feb 2011, 09:37
pesfunk wrote:
Hii Dude, Even i'm new to AWA so probably not the best to review yours. After looking at the topic, even i wrote my version of AWA. Could you please rate this ?


The author of the argument argues that since the past decade has seen an unprecedented growth in restaurant industry in the country of Spiessa, the surge is expected to continue in the coming years. He supports his viewpoint with some evidences from the proliferation of publications on the subject of social changes featuring that personal incomes are rising, more leisure time is available, single-person households are more common, and people have a greater interest in
gourmet food. I find the argument unconvincing since it misses to provide evidences.

Firstly, The author assumes that whatever has had happened in the past would happen in the future as well. However, as we have seen in the recent financial turmoil, everything turned on the negative side. If something similar happens in the future, the author's argument would be flawed.

Secondly, it is quite possible that the country of Spiessa has been growing in the past decade with unprecedented pace and because of its growing industries, the personal incomes were rising. However, the author doesn't mentions if the growth would remain the future too. It is possible that the economy of the country might have peaked out and would see some level of saturation. In that case, we wouldn't see the kind of well-being people have been enjoying in the past decade. Also, because of saturation, people might have to commit more hours to their work to get ahead of others.

Finally, It is quite possible that liking of gourmet food might peak out and after saturation, the footfalls in restaurants might plummet. We also do not know the legitimacy of the sources of the magazines on social changes.

To sum, the author assumes that whatever has had happened in the past will happen in future also. Also, he doesn't provides enough evidences to support his facts.



I'm not so sure that i can rate anyone's essay but i think I can give you a piece of advice.

It is a pretty good essay but if you could elaborate a bit more on the point you raised second paragraph it would add to the quality of your essay. (it is a tough essay topic to write about... but the more the merrier as they say)

The last paragraph you should tell us what could strengthen the argument, of course you said that if evidence is provided it would be good for the argument but you didn't state how the second point you raised could be improved.

It is a good essay but as I said earlier... I'm no AWA guru so wait for more comments on this...
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"It always seems impossible until its done."
-Nelson Mandela

Re: Hi AdamKnewton :) Please evaluate my Improved essay   [#permalink] 05 Feb 2011, 09:37
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Hi AdamKnewton :) Please evaluate my Improved essay

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