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Please grade and review my AWA.. quite hard for non-native

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Please grade and review my AWA.. quite hard for non-native [#permalink] New post 28 Nov 2010, 19:11
Could anyone review and grade my issue essay.
I gonna take GMAT next week. This is the first one that i write. This part is quite hard to do for non-native essay like me :(

Thx so much for your kindness

As individuals, people save too little and borrow too much.


Considering about saving money in our complex world nowadays, there are many people believe that today people save too little and borrow too much. However, several individuals do not think so. The issue is a controversial one but a closer examination reveals that today people save to little and borrow from others too much for several reasons. To support my position, the following essay will provide some examples.


First reason that today people save to little and borrow too much is because today the complex world has a lot of entertainment stuffs. By this I mean, today has a lots of new things that persuade people to buy these stuffs such as smart phones, iPod, new set of Jewelry, and so on. To speak from personal experience, one of my friend, Pattarapon, did crazy about new hi-tech gadgets. When the new hi-tech gadget stuffs released, he always bought it. Even though sometimes, he did not have enough money to buy it, he tried to borrow his friends. Finally, he went bankrupt ,and had to sell every stuffs that he had in underprice. Evidently, this example show that there are a lots of individuals like Pattarapon, that are too much crazy to buy the new stuffs, and spend to much.


Second reason that today people save to little and borrow too much is because commercial banks today try to offer the lending money to individuals. Generally, banks usually offer the new promotions and the good deals which are very persuade for amateur people. Therefore, these new promotions make individuals to borrow money without consciousness.


FInally, perhaps the best reason is that today we are in the world of capitalism. By this I mean, capitalism system encourages people and companies to expand themselves to serve customer satisfaction. Nowadays world is much more competitiveness; individuals has to expand themselves. If companies or individuals do not have enough money to expand, they have to borrow the money from other people or commercial bank. For instance, my university friend, Anusorn,had opened his own t-shirt shop. Firstly, his shop went well. However,after couple tee shops were opened in this area, he had to expand his shop to be bigger to attract new customers. Although he had not enough money to expand his shop, he had to borrow money from commercial bank. Finally, because he expanded his business to fast, he had to closed his shop. Needless to say, this example shows that today's competitiveness encourage Pattarapon to borrow money to expand his shop.


In summary, wile there are arguments to be made for both sides, it is clear hat there are greater advantages to agree that nowadays people save too little and borrow too much. One reason is a lots of new stuffs occurred today. Another reason is the commercial banks' promotions. Finally, the capitalism system that encourage people to borrow money. Therefore,I would recommend every on to go back to the basic; save more money and live more happy.
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Re: Please grade and review my AWA.. quite hard for non-native [#permalink] New post 29 Nov 2010, 00:13
Hi, welcome to gmat club!

Looks fine to me. You have followed the chineseburned AWA guide, I think.

Just practice a bit more. Best of luck!! :) & keep us posted.
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Re: Please grade and review my AWA.. quite hard for non-native   [#permalink] 29 Nov 2010, 00:13
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