brianlange77 wrote:
Yeah -- I like a simple five paragraph outline.
I. Intro
II, III, IV -- Body Paragraphs
V. Conclusion
5-7 sentences per paragraph. You're writing a GMAT essay, not a thesis paper
Good luck.
-Brian
Hi Brain
Can you please review this essay for me.
The article states that America is losing its competitive edge relative to other countries because some studies show that on average Americans spend over a quarter of their leisure time shopping. I find this logically in-convincing in several aspects.
First of all America losing its competitive edge relative to other countries is based on questionable assumption that This is happening only through shopping which uses only quarter of leisure time of Americans. Suppose there are other Causes of the America losing its competitive edge relative to other countries such as Economy growth of other countries are higher than the America due to their increase in production and growth in technology. This leads to some other cause rather than the spending time on shopping which is causing America to lose its competitive edge. Hence, This argument is not justified.
Secondly Author uses casual flaw, Where two incidents happen together, the author mistakes for one is the cause of other. Americans, Here, spend over a quarter of their leisure time shopping, and America losing its competitive edge relative to other countries, these two events are happening. The argument assumes that Americans spending on shopping is causing the America to loose its competitive edge over other nationalities. There by making the argument flaw.
Finally, The author conveys himself that shopping is not a productive activity.By stating that Americans spend quarter of their time shopping, instead of spending their time productively.Here, shopping in some cases can be a productive activity such as shopping of personal development materials, books, and more. Thereby, Leading to the fall of conclusion. Therefore the argument is defective.
In conclusion, The argument is flawed and defective, and the argument is not a strong argument.Because depending on the studies which show that Americans spend quarter of their leisure time on shopping and Americans are wasting time through frivolous consumption does not support the conclusion that Spending time on shopping is causing the America to lose its competitive edge relative to other countries. To strengthen the argument the author must, at very least , provide the assumption stated and correct the flaws mentioned above.