This essay gets a 2.
Your structure is okay, but you have two "first" points and your "second" point is actually your third. To your credit, the writing is stylistically correct. However, the reasoning is deeply flawed, which unfortunately means your essay is not persuasive.
You made an understandable, but critical, error in your essay: you misunderstood the word "trend." You referred repeatedly to the "trend" as if it were a fad or a popular occurrence. However, the "trend" in the stem is a demographic trend--a tendency or bias. Your introduction and third paragraph completely miss the mark as a result.
Make sure, when you read prompts, that you slow down! Kaplan
recommends 8 full minutes, out of your available 30, to plan an essay. This careful thinking will reduce the odds of making major errors, in improve your score for sure.
Best of luck, and keep on prepping!
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