Overall, your essay is good. But, here are my two cents -
1. An essay should be like a narrative ( in general terms , A story) . I felt the points in your essay were a little disconnected in that respect. Going simply by placing of paragraphs, I would place the paragraph on "World is changing" right at the begining and then continue from there.
2. Check your punctuations one more time , the spellings and the prescribed word limit.
Rest all good. All the best
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